


Far Behind

by VaderCat



Series: Far Ahead [1]
Category: Rogue One - Fandom, Star Wars
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Breaking Up & Making Up, Consensual Sex, Eventual Romance, F/M, Flirting, Kissing, Loss, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-22
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-11-30 14:41:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 81,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11465730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VaderCat/pseuds/VaderCat
Summary: Jyn Erso is a widowed mom of two, having lived through more grief than any normal person. Cassian Andor is an actor looking for a normal life. Both meet on vacation but can Jyn overcome her issues of abandonment and loss and open her heart to this man?Far Behind Playlist





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay . . . My first time ever writing, posting a fanfic. I've been obsessed with Rogue One since it first came out and this story/plot has been on my mind since December. Oh and I have a major crush on Diego Luna!! Please be kind - it's been a long time since I've had to write anything so bear with me on grammar and punctuation errors.

The splash of cold water woke him up from his light nap. He hadn’t expected to doze off but the warm breeze, mild rays of sun and the sound of the ocean had lulled him to sleep. _Splash_ \- more water hit him. Irritated initially but then realizing he was at a pool and kids playing in the water what the fuck did he expect. “ _Dios mio” he thought in his native language._ He spied the two culprits or three actually if you counted the mom. Two boys, about 10 to 11 years old, that had been playing nonstop in the pool since this morning. He heard the mom lightly scold them.

“Sorry mister,” they cried out.

“No worries,” he replied casually.

He noticed the boys did a double take when he talked to them. He was surprised they recognized him . . . probably saw his last movie. The boys swam to their mom and loudly whispered to her. He saw her glance at him to see if what they were saying was true and then she shook her head no. The older boy was nodding his head yes, she kept shaking her head no then threw the ball to the other side of the pool to distract them and continue their game of catch. He liked this family already - most people would have asked him for a selfie and autograph but this lady either didn’t believe her kids or didn’t want to bug him. _Nice_. He settled back in his chair and enjoyed the sun.

He discreetly watched them play from behind his aviators. He had to hand it to the mom - she was just as aggressive as the ninos and had just as much energy. A slight ache formed in his belly while he watched them. He had wanted this at one point - a wife, kids, family vacations with them. Then life didn’t work out as he had planned. He briefly wondered where the dad was? Divorced? At the bar? He hoped it was the former - the mom was definitely a MILF. He eyed her - hard to see what she looked like since she was constantly swimming around the pool but from what he could see, it was nice. Long brown hair, pale skin that was tanning nicely from the Hawaiian sun. She didn’t wear a terribly revealing swimsuit - one of those part bikini part bathing suit thingys? He couldn’t keep with the trends . . .

He watched her climb gracefully out of the pool - now he had a good view. She was a little bit on the short side but she had lean, lithe legs that wouldn't quit, round bottom, slender. Not skinny but had some curves, hips that would be good to hold on . . . _Okay he needed to stop that train of thought. What the heck was going on with him?_ He tried to get a good look at her face but her oversized Jackie O glasses hid the most telling part. He watched her put on some see through cover up ( _really - what was the point, he could still see everything)_ , put sunscreen on the boys and then told them to sit out for a bit while she grabbed them something to drink. He burst out laughing when the minute she turned her back and was out of earshot they jumped back in the pool. _So much for the sunscreen . . ._

 

* * *

 _  
_ Jyn regretted taking the red eye - the lack of sleep was starting to wear on her but the boys were having so much fun in the pool. Needing something to energize her, she went to the bar to grab some sodas thinking about the boys. They kept thinking the loner guy at the pool was an actor, that he was some spanish soap opera star. She chalked it up to them just being silly. He didn’t look like one . . . but what did she know? She had a hard time keeping up with the video games let alone the latest flicks. _I mean really she thought - who comes to Hawaii alone? Weirdo._ The boys had wanted to get his autograph but she kept telling them no. Even if he was a movie star, he deserved to have some peace and quiet.

Deep in thought, she walked back.

Cassian noticed the boys inching closer and closer to him in the pool. He had jumped in to cool off and before he knew it, a foam football came flying at his face. He caught it at the last second and with a quick flick of his wrist threw it back at the older one.

“Hey man, sorry about that. My little brother doesn’t know how to throw.”

“It’s okay - I have three brothers of my own. I know how they are.”

“Hey do you want to play with us?” the older one asked. “Yeah, play catch with us. Mom’s too aggressive.”

_And what am I - a fucking pansy?_

“Yeah - sure, I’ll play with you guys. But take it easy on me, I’m an old man.”

Jyn came back to the pool and all hell had broken loose. In the middle of this hell, were her two boys and the weirdo “movie” star. Water was lapping out of the pool, the rest of the guests had cleared out and she could see about three footballs flying all over the pool and three bodies were swimming furiously below the surface.. She waited at the side patiently for someone to surface.

Cassian couldn’t hold his breath any longer and exploded to the top of the pool and came face to face with a foot stomping, eyes glaring -

(even though he couldn’t see them but he imagined they were glaring because the way her eyebrows were nearly reaching her forehead)

-mad mom.

“Hi” was all he could muster. He was out of breath. _Shit - not a good way to make a first impression_.

“Hi,” Jyn said. “I’m so sorry - I hope my kids didn’t rope you into playing with them. They have no sense of boundaries.”

_Or know to stay away from strangers, she thought._

“It’s okay - I don’t mind. I love playing with kids.” Seeing how she stiffened and realizing how that sounded - he corrected himself - “Ummm I meant I have a bunch of nieces and nephews so I’m use to it.” He saw her relax a little bit.

“Mom, mom, mom, can Cassian play with us?”

“Oh you guys, I’m sure he’s’ tired.”

Cassian sensing the mom’s hesitancy piped up. “ I really don’t mind - I need to burn off some calories anyways.” Jyn looked down at his flat, toned stomach and raised her eyebrows. No calories to burn there.

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”

“Of course I don’t mind.” Then he dove back in the pool, splashing her on his way back in. She felt like he did that on purpose.

Jyn sat on the lounge chair and watched them for a bit. She was hearing words like _dude_ and _hey man_ and wondered where that came from. Maybe it was from interacting with a male? They acted tough with her too but something about male to male interaction brought out the young man in them. Speaking of said male, Jyn discreetly checked him out. Lean but not too muscular, brown wavy hair, nice arms, definitely taller than her (but then again who wasn't?). He didn’t look like a movie star - those guys were muscled out to their core. Maybe the kids made a mistake. She supposed he was cute if that was your type. She liked how he played with the kids - most men nowadays just let the kids play with the phone but this guy really enjoyed the interaction.

It was close to 5pm when the boys decided to call it quits. Cassian had stopped playing with them about an hour ago and was drying off. Jyn saw him stretch a few times and wondered if he was trying to show off his abs? _Please - I could care less about those. Well flat stomachs were nice, especially when trunks hung off the hips just like how his did._ Okay this had to stop . . . she was on a nice vacation for the first time in years and didn’t need those thoughts popping into her head.

She had the kids collect their toys, towels, etc and then walked them over to Cassian. “Thanks for playing with us, mister.”

Cassian held out his palm for a high-five. They both fought to hit his hand first.

Jyn smiled at him and stuck out her hand. “I don’t think we were officially introduced. I’m Jyn.”

Cassian had a half mind to take her hand and kiss it but didn’t think that would go over well so he shook it, held it a fraction of a second too long. “Nice to meet you too. I’m Cassian.”

“Will we see you tomorrow at the pool, Cassian?” Teddy asked, hope in his round, brown eyes. Jyn was mortified, “You guys - leave him be.”

“Of course - I’m going to smash you guys in water basketball tomorrow.”

Teddy taunted him “Game on, dude, game on.”

 

Jyn put together a quick dinner for the kids thankful that the condo had all the traditional amenities for a kitchen. The boys were quietly playing video games and she was sitting out at the balcony enjoying the ocean view wishing she had picked up a six pack when they went shopping earlier ( _who was she kidding, she should have grabbed a case)_. An idea crossed her mind . . .

“Hey you guys want to go sit at the bonfire for a little bit on the beach”

Silence

“Hellooooo . . .”

“Ohhh . . . nah Mom we’re tired. I want to stay in. You can go if you want,” Jake replied, eyes still focused on the screen. Jyn debated if it was okay to leave them alone in the room. They were ten and eleven. The condo was safe and they were mature kids. She felt guilty but she was just itching to go sit on the beach and enjoy a beer in the quiet.

“Okay - we’ll I’m going to go down for a little bit. I have my cell - call me on the condo phone if you need anything.”

Silence - eyes glued to some car race on the video game.

They dismissed her with the wave of the video remote control.

 

* * *

  
After stopping at the way over priced sundry store and buying a six pack of Bohemia, Jyn finally made it to the lounge chairs circling the fire pits on the beach. She stared out at the waves just thinking about work, the boys, _her life_ and trying to relax.

“Mind if I join you?” An accented voice startled her out of her reverie. About to tell the guy yes, she did mind, she saw that it was the kids new friend, Cassian. “Uh yeah sure, have a seat.”

“I’m not intruding, am I?” Cassian questioned.

“No - it’s fine.”

“Where are the ninos - er boys?” Cassian caught himself, realizing that maybe she didn’t speak spanish.

Jyn having grown up in Southern California got the jist. “They’re worn out. Someone,” she said suggestively, “tired them out in the pool. They’re inside playing video games.”

Cassian glanced over at her as he started to sit down and almost stumbled. He didn’t notice she had been wearing those damn oversized sunglasses all day. The sun was just starting to set and he saw her eyes - they were blue (or were they green?) with shades of green (or blue) and grey - eyes like the color of the sea. “You’re eyes?” He blurted out.

Jyn, a little bit taken back by the abruptness in his voice. “Uh yeah - I have two of them”.

“Are they blue?” he asked.

Jyn shrugged her shoulders. “Sometimes. Depends what I'm wearing . . . Or not wearing,” she added cheekily.

Cassian blushed.

He laughed nervously. “They’re so pretty - with your brown hair and coloring - it’s,” realizing he was jabbering “a nice mix,” he added lamely.

Jyn - feeling like he was comparing her to a cake pop - thanked him shyly.

They shared a few moments of silence. Jyn looking out at the waves silently drinking her beer. Not wanting to be rude, she asked him if he wanted one. He gladly accepted. Jyn handed him the bottle opener and drew back quickly when their hands touched.

They sat there in silence drinking their beer quietly watching the waves when she broke the silence.

“Thanks for playing with the boys today - they had a great time. You really didn’t have to.”

He waved his hand like it was nothing. “You don’t have to thank me - they’re good kids and funny.”

He wanted to ask about the whereabouts of their dad but didn’t want to seem too forward. This lady was just . . . he had a hard time explaining it. Interesting wasn’t a good enough word - she intrigued him. She played with her kids - like played, played with them. She didn’t seem too into herself. In his line of work he was so used to the artificialness. Seeing her not having a care in the world on how she looked or worrying about her hair and jumping around in the pool just refreshed him. Fuck it - he was going to ask.

Trying to seem as nonchalant as possible, he asked lightly “they’re dad couldn’t make the trip?”

Jyn smiled sadly. “Kind of hard for him to make the trip from heaven.”


	2. Chapter 2

Of all the stupid, idiotic things he had to go and ask and it was that. _Shit, fuck, mother fucker he cursed silently to himself._ “Ay . . . I’m sorry I shouldn’t have assumed - they just seem so well rounded for not having a dad. Recently?”

“No - he died when they were little - Teddy was around two and Jake was three.” She didn't elaborate on how he died.

“So it’s just been the three of you for . . .”

“Eight years.”

“Wow. They seem like really good boys - they’re not bratty.”

“You have children?” Jyn asked. She saw a flash of something - _pain ?_ \- in his eyes before he smoothed out his face into a mask.

“Nah - too busy but I have a lot of nieces and nephews and believe me they’re a handful. I love them to death but their parents spoil them.”

“The boys have their days too. They were just putting on a good show for you - they like you.” She sighed. “It’s just been the four of us for so long. It was hard at first but my fam - my niece really helped me out a lot and my work is really understanding.”

“Four?” Cassian asked.

The smile Jyn had on her face when talking about the boys fell . . . as if she was thinking of a sadder memory. “Oh, my niece lives with me too. My sister died when she was young. If it wasn’t for Katy, I don’t know how I would’ve done it.”

Cassian didn’t know how to respond. He couldn’t even begin to fathom everything she had gone through - losing both her husband and her sister. This woman was just impressing him more and more. She raised her children and her niece all by herself. He couldn’t go there though. She obviously put her kids above all else - didn’t seem like the type for a relationsh - - _where there hell did relationship come into the mix?_ He wasn’t even looking for anything right now. But this woman. He only just met her today but there was something about her . . .

“Cassian?’ She asked.

He didn’t realize she had asked him what he does. _Wait a minute - she didn’t recognize him? What the hell?_

“I’m in the entertainment industry,” he replied.

Noticing he was distracted - Jyn teased him “Adult?”

Still distracted, “yeah, yeah, adult entertainment. Wait - NO! Not adult . . . uh . . .”

Jyn was rolling over laughing. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Sooo . . . you’re really an actor?”

Cassian - still flustered and slightly offended, “Yes, actor, director, producer. Seriously - you don’t recognize me?”

Jyn was grinning. “I hardly ever go to the movies - between work, the kids and sports, it’s hard.”

“Your children recognized me,” he accused.

“Yeah, well wasn’t a movie I took them to.”

Cassian started rattling off movies, voice overs, etc. Jyn still didn’t know any of them. He wanted to rattle off the latest but that was violating his recent non-disclosure agreement. She would know that movie. Everyone in the planet knew that one.

“Most of the films are big in Mexico - I've done a few mainstream in the US - had a part in the last comic book movie.”

“Hmmm . . . they mentioned some Spanish show?”

Cassian groaned inwardly. Where in the world would you find a ten year old and eleven year old that watched a Spanish soap opera? “Your boys watch telenovelas?”

“I'd rather they not but my niece gets into them. She has a thing for hot, Latin males.” Jyn winked at Cassian, teasing him.

“Does her aunt?” Cassian bantered back.

Jyn shut up.

“So where’s your entourage? Don’t you guys travel with security, and groupies and all that?” She waved her hand dismissively.

“No - not all actors are like that. I just finished filming on set for six months and needed some away time. I live in Mexico city but I’m relocating to Los Angeles next month. Some of the projects I’m working on - I need to be close to the major studios.”

He didn’t add that he needed time away from everyone to get his head on straight - he needed to get away to think about the direction his life was taking him. And for some odd reason, that led him right to her.

“You’re not into movie stars?”

“Not really. I don’t have time to follow all the latest movies. Now, put me in front of a baseball player and you’ll get my attention.”

“Baseball,” Cassian said with disdain. “My friend plays for the Dodgers.”

Jyn sat up - finally interested in him.

(Really was that all it took was baseball?)

“You’re lying,” she said. “Who do you know?”

“Kes Dameron and I go way back . . .”

“Seriously? He’s my favorite player. The boys too.” Then she started rattling off all these statistics and how he was robbed during the latest game and blah blah blah. Cassian had heard it all from his buddy too so it was nothing new.

“What do you do?” He was going to ask where she lived but given she was a fan of Kes’s team and the California bottle opener - he’d bet that she lived in the LA area. _How very convenient for you his inner voice said._

“I work at a university in Long Beach, it’s about 20 miles south of LA.”

“Professor?”

“Oh God, no.” She said, wrinkling her nose. “They’re too into themselves. If you think actors are bad . . .” She winked at him. “I work in fundraising.”

“Oh, you raise money?”

“No not me specifically but I handle the operations behind the scene . . . research and IT, accounting, etc, to make sure we’re asking the right people.” He wanted to ask her for more details but it seemed like that’s all she wanted to share.

They both sat there in silence again .. . enjoying the breeze and the beer. Cassian breathed contentedly - it had been so long since he had this. The company of a woman, nice conversation, banter.

Jyn didn’t know what to make of this man. He was a movie star - albeit she didn’t know any of his movies but still - why was he hanging out with her? Perplexed she just stared at the beach and watched the waves crash down, trying to find an answer. She loved the ocean. Considering she lived in a beach city, she hardly ever had a chance to get down to the sand and just enjoy it. Work, life was so busy she hardly ever had time for herself. Her niece Katy helped out when she could but she hated to ask her to help out with the kids more than she already did. She was finishing up with college and needed to be enjoying her own life. She was glad she had decided to study abroad this summer even though she couldn’t make the trip.

Cassian noticed Jyn got quiet and looked over at her - she had dozed off. Something warm (content?) spread through his belly. He noticed the way her lashes fell on her cheeks and the soft even breathing of her (flat) stomach. She looked so peaceful - he hated to wake her up. He let her sleep for a little bit but when he noticed it started to get chilly, he sat on the side of her lounger and caressed her shoulder lightly. Jyn’s eyes slowly opened and he was struck again by their color. “Que bonito” he murmured.

Jyn didn’t realize she had dozed off and when she woke to find Cassian hovering over her, her first instinct was to close her eyes back again and cuddle against him. Thankfully she stopped herself and raised herself up, balancing herself on her elbows. “Please tell me I wasn’t snoring,” Jyn said sheepishly.

“Like a tiger.”

Jyn slowly got up from the chair. “I better get back - wanna make sure the kids aren’t burning the room down. This was . . . nice.”

It was a bit awkward - she fell asleep in front of a stranger but she felt . . . _safe (?)_ around him. She held out her hand to shake his and Cassian rather than shaking it, brought her hand to his lips and kissed her hand lightly.

“The pleasure’s all mine querida. See you tomorrow,” he promised. Jyn taken off guard by his soft lips on her hand, laughed lightly and walked back to her room.

Cassian continued to watch the waves finishing the beer she had left.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian gets jealous.

  
Sunlight filtered through the window . . . Jyn got up slowly and looked out at the horizon. This place was beautiful. She had a full ocean view from her bedroom and the living room. One of their donors had donated his timeshare for a fundraiser and she had bid on it and got a great deal. She looked out at the pool and noticed not too many people were there yet. She got the boys up, got their stuff together while they inspected all the different balls they could play with and they went down to the pool.

Still tired from the day before, she took it easy - laying down on the lounger while the kids played. Their energy was non stop. A shadow came across her sun - young guy - in his twentys asked if she would like a drink. She was starting to get irritated. _Where did these guys come from?_ It was so quiet yesterday and couldn’t they see she was here with her kids. _Yeah but you didn’t mind Cassian talking to you . . . that was different she thought. My kids actually engaged him first._

After the fifth guy she had it. Then she saw someone pick up her stuff next to her and plop it down on the ground. About to let her temper fly on the guy she turned and saw it was Cassian.

“Umm my stuff was there.”

“Querida, the men are going to keep bugging you because they think you’re here by yourself.”

“I am,” she interrupted.

“Yeah but if I sit next to you they’ll think you’re with me and not bug you.”

His logic made sense but still she didn’t need some macho man protecting her. She had been handling stupid coaches and lame sports dads for the past eight years. This trip was no different.

Cassian had been watching the guys approach her from the other side of the pool. He saw a sign for some sales convention - they must all be here by themselves and Jyn was prime for the picking. He noticed a few with tan lines on their wedding finger. Douche bags. A flare of jealousy popped up when he saw one of them touch her arm but when she slipped her glasses down her nose and glared at the offender - he was glad he wasn’t that guy. Shit. He was surprised she didn’t punch him yesterday after he kissed her hand.

Note to self.

By the fifth guy he was beyond jealous. Now he was getting possessive. He noticed her first - the other men had to wait in line. _Wait - he didn’t want them waiting at all. What the hell was going on with him?_ All he knew was that he wanted to get to know her better and he didn’t want anyone else in the way.

 

* * *

  
Cassian had been playing with the kids in the pool and Jyn decided to jump in and join the mischief. She noticed Cassian was touchy - not grabby - but he always seemed to pat her on the shoulder or lower back or brush his nice, muscled arms against her. _Okay she didn’t need to be noticing his arms or his abs or the way his hair flopped over his eyes or the 5 o’clock shadow that made her notice his chiseled chin and his lips._ She didn’t know if he was just normally expressive or if he was trying to come on to her. Ugh it had been so long since she had dated she just wasn’t too sure how to read a man anymore.

Cassian was enjoying his time at the pool. Jyn and the boys were just what he needed. The end of the day was nearing and he was trying to figure out a way to ask them if he could crash their dinner.

“Cassian, want to go to dinner with us at Dukes?” Teddy asked.

Problem solved.

“Dukes?” Cassian questioned.

Jyn slightly embarrassed that her kids kept imposing themselves on Cassian. “It’s a restaurant right on the beach and they have the best hula pie.”

“Hula pie?”

_I forget this boy is from Mexico._

“It’s too hard to tell you how good the pie is. You have to taste it yourself.”

“Okay, sounds good.”

Jyn told Cassian to meet them on the beach in an hour.

“Beach?” Cassian asked, again feeling like a dumbass.

Jyn looked at him exasperated. “Have you not explored outside the hotel yet? It’s quicker to get there by walking on the beach than going through the city.”

The walk to the restaurant was long but who could complain about the view. It was the perfect time of day - the sun was setting, there was a slight breeze to the air. Cassian walked close to Jyn and listened quietly while the boys chattered about school and baseball. At the restaurant, he let the boys order for him and then Jyn ordered a hula pie for the table. It was some monstrosity of chocolate and coconut ice cream on a cookie crust with lots of chocolate syrup and whip cream. Jyn took the first bite and closed her eyes in ecstasy over the decadence of the cake. Cassian, noticing the look on her face - and imagining that look in a more inappropriate environment, swallowed visibly and took a bite. The flavors melted against his mouth and he smiled, nodding his head in approval at the pie.

They finished up and headed back to the hotel via the beach again. Jyn noticed Jake whispering to Teddy. Teddy shook his head and whispered to Jake “no, you do it.” Jake turned to Cassian.

“Hey Cass you want to come on our hike tomorrow?

(‘Cass’ felt honored. The kids had given him a nickname).

Cassian glanced at Jyn.

Jyn was going to have a conversation with the boys about boundaries.

“You’re more than welcome to join us.” She said, very diplomatically.

“Diamond head?”

“Nope - this one's inland, there's waterfalls and stuff. It's kind of off the beaten path.”

“Sounds fun. I'm in.” He said smiling, excited to spend the day with them.

“Pack trunks if you want to swim,” Jyn advised. “But wear good shoes.”

Cassian walked Jyn and the boys back to their room. Jyn hung around the door frame, not too sure if she should invite him in. The boys were in the suite so it would be harmless but having him in her space seemed too personal, too close.

“See you tomorrow?”Jyn queried.

“See you tomorrow,” he promised

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I know this might be a bit boring but hoped it'll pick up soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hijinks and flirting ensues when Jyn and company take Cassian on a hike.

  
Cassian met them back at their room, promptly at the time Jyn told him. This time she invited him in offering coffee and breakfast. She had a small smorgasboard set up with fruit, pastries and bagels. Cassian looked at the kitchen and realized she had it fully stocked - cereal, snacks, water, etc.

“I didn’t know there was a Costco nearby,” he teased.

“I wish. It was Walmart.” Jyn wrinkled her nose. “Figured we were here for a while so wanted to load up rather than eat out.”

“Hmmm . . . makes sense. Now I know where to come for a midnight snack,” he said, smiling, munching on a bagel.

_I wouldn’t mind you coming for something else at midnight._

Jyn nearly came undone by that smile. It was so open, and full of light. She couldn’t remember the last time she felt so . . . unburdened. Cassian just had that aura around him, that made her want to smile and think all was right with the world. Needing to get away from that smile she excused herself. “Let me get dressed and we’ll take off.”

Cassian looked at what she was wearing, some kind of tight workout shorts and a running top. He wondered if she used the resort’s gym or if she ran outside. She seemed like the type to like the outdoors but probably wanted to stay close to the boys so most likely the gym, he mused. He got a good view of her butt as she walked back to her bedroom. He craned his neck trying to get a peek inside her room but she shut it before he could see anything.

_Not that he needed to be thinking of her bedroom right now. Her kids are here for crying out loud._

The boys came out of their room ready to rock and roll. They ran straight for the food, ignoring the fruit, and grabbed a pastry and chocolate milk.

Jyn came out of the bedroom, dressed, wearing a pair of khaki shorts with a navy blue tank top. The navy brought out the blue and greys in her eyes. He could see the faint tan lines by her neck which he found oddly sexy. He envisioned his lips running up the tan line till they came to her neck, then to her ear and then slowly he’d run them to her pink lips . . .

“Cassian!” The boys were trying to get his attention.

He gave a start. He needed to get a hold of himself - fuck he felt like some randy teenager.

They gathered their stuff and Jyn grabbed a military grade, black backpack from the couch.

Cassian looked at the backpack. It was nearly half her size. “Uh, is this an overnight hike, because if so, I need to go back to my room and grab more clothes.”

Jyn glared at him. “No, silly, it doesn’t hurt to be prepared. I’ve had more than enough adventures with these kiddos to not be prepared.”

The drive to the base point of the mountain was entertaining to say the least. Jacob started talking about why his mom liked to be prepared. Cassian couldn’t believe some of these _misadventures_. Jyn surely didn’t back down from doing anything - what some parents would call reckless - but Jyn called life lessons. She took them skiing, hiking, kayaking. Sounded like she really enjoyed the water.

They arrived at the mountain and the hike wasn’t too bad at first. Then they came to an area that was too steep to hike down but looked well worn. Cassian was hesitant.

“Do we turn around now?” he asked lightly, not wanting to seem like a wuss.

Jyn looked down. “Nope, we can slide down.”

“Slide?”

“Yeah, on your butt, scaredy cat. Watch.” Jyn started walking down, then bent her legs and slid over the rocks on her butt.

_She doesn’t mind getting dirty. Wonder how that works in the bed-_

“Cassian, you want to go or should we show you?” Teddy interrupted his chain of dirty thoughts.

Cassian was beginning to take exception to them thinking he was lame.

“Nah, I’ve got it.” He started to walk down, then went to slide but his legs were still locked in walking mode, he ended up half sliding, half running and slammed right into Jyn knocking her down on the soft dirt.

“Ewf.”

Cassian had managed to put his arms around her to protect her from hitting the ground too hard. He was spread out over her, elbows on the ground, legs between hers, embracing her. Her blue/grey eyes wide looking at him.

_If I couldn’t look anymore like an asshole, I sure do now._

Jyn was momentarily stunned when Cassian knocked her down but the way he was laying on top of her and holding her, she was halfway tempted to wrap her legs around him and . . .

Laughter. Loud, raucous laughter coming from above.

All Cassian could hear were the boys laughing their asses off at him. _Little fuckers he thought fondly._

He looked at Jyn.

“Jyn, Jyn. Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He asked, anxiety and worry in his face.

She was still stunned and quite possibly enjoying the feeling of him on top of her. She shook her head. “No, you protected my fall.”

Relief flooded through him. He got up, wiping the dirt from his hands on his shorts before he stuck out his hand to help her out.

“I’ve got you.” Jyn took his hand and smiled.

The rest of the hike went off without any problems at all. Two hours later they arrived at the main highlight of the hike, a gushing waterfall that dropped down to a clear, blue swimming hole.

He noticed the boys starting to take their shirts off and Jyn was taking off her clothes. Before he could stop her, she threw the backpack over the edge and it landed _oh some hundred feet down_ where there was foiliage. Before he could say a word the boys both cannonballed off the ledge landing in the swimming hole. His heart about stuck in his chest.

“Oh my God, Jyn. What the fuck?” He peered over the edge and saw both boys come up for water laughing and splashing water in each other's faces.

Jyn was laughing. “Cassian - relax.”

“Have you done this before?” he demanded.

“No, but when I googled it, the yelp reviews said it was deep enough to jump.”

“You’re going to risk your life based off of a fucking yelp review?” He was about to have a heart attack.

“Cassian, it’s fine. You’ll be fine.” She turned to do her jump but then he grabbed her arm, brown eyes locking on her.

“It’s not me I’m worried about - it’s you.” Her heart fluttered at his intensity, protectiveness towards her.

It went so against her need to be independent and not count on anyone. But it felt so nice.

“Trust me.” She smiled, then turned and of course, it being Jyn, she had to dive into the swimming hole. Not a cannon ball, not some jump where she could have drawn her knees up and protect her legs, she had to do a goddamn dive.

Cassian peered over the edge again - looking for Jyn to come up. After a minute he started to panic but then he saw her come up for air at the opposite end of the swimming hole.

_Show off._

“I think I have some kiddie floaties in my bag.” Jyn called up to him, mocking.

“You three are a lot shorter than me. I could hurt my legs - they could break.”

“The only way out is the way we came - which you have to climb those rocks up that _you so elegantly navigated earlier_ or you jump.”

Again with the mocking.

“Fine!”

He jumped.

The water was fucking cold. He thought it would be like the temperature of the ocean water - nice and warm and comfy - but this water was freezing. He came up for air, exhilarated at the jump.

Jyn was treading water next to him. “See, I told you. It’s not that bad.”

He responded with a splash and dunking her underwater. Not prepared for that, she came up sputtering for air.

“Oh,bad move, Cassian," Jake warned. "Mom’s a demon in the water. She’s got the lungs of a dolphin and killer instinct of a piranha. Why do you think we like to play with you at the pool?” 

_I thought they just wanted a friend. Apparently they wanted a pussy friend._

He swam away hoping to make it to the edge of the swimming hole before she could catch him. He was just about to hoist himself out of the water when he felt his legs being dragged back down and then small hands pushing his shoulders down.

“Shi . . .” was all he could get out before his mouth filled with water. For her being so small, she was freakishly strong. He came up for air again before he felt his legs being grabbed and dragged away from the side of the swimming hole.

Under he went. All he could see was her swimming around him,circling him. Had she even come up for air at all?

He waited for her to come up then when she popped up for air and made a move to grab him, he spun away at the last second, came up behind her, locked one arm around her waist, grabbed her legs, hoisted her up and threw her.

She came up, laughing, sweeping her hair out of her face.

“Asshole.”

They played in the water for a little bit longer, this time both of them focusing on messing with the boys. Jyn noticed the sky darkening and called to them that they should get going before it got too late.

It was too late.

The minute they got out of the swimming hole, the sky opened up in a downpour.

“Got an umbrella in that handy, dandy backpack of yours,” Cassian asked sarcastically. The boys were excited about the rain and jumped back in the swimming hole, finding it fun that they were swimming while it was pouring.

Jyn glared at him then a mischievous smile played across her face.

“I don’t mind being wet,” she purred.

Cassian’s head snapped at her so fast, he got whiplash. Good thing the water was cold because he was worried of an insta-hard on with those words. Instead he could feel himself blushing furiously.

 _Jeez, who’s the man, here?_  She looks so sweet and innocent and then those words come out of that mouth. Dios mio.

“Hmph.” Was all he could muster.

“Actually this handy, dandy backpack is waterproof so at least we’ll have dry clothes to change into.”

“Once we dry off and stop being wet, that is.” Jyn purposely licked and bit her bottom lip just to make Cassian uncomfortable.

It backfired.

His hand snaked out fast, pulling her towards him. “I think I can arrange for you to stay wet,” he murmured, his voice low and throaty.

Before Jyn could either knee him or try to hump him, he lifted her up effortlessly and threw her back in the swimming hole.

The boys, oblivious to the flirting, howled endlessly at Cassian getting one up on their mom.

 

* * *

 

 

The downpour didn't last that long after which Jyn with her trusty bag gave everyone a towel and their change of clothes. The hike back to the car was shorter and no rocks which Cassian grumpily wondered why they didn't take that way to begin with.

When they arrived at the resort, Cassian walked Jyn and the boys back to their room. _Ever the gentleman, Jyn thought_. She unlocked the door to the room and the boys, immediately ran to the TV turning on their video game. “Hey Cass, want to play video games with us?” Cassian looked at Jyn for permission before replying, she waved her hand inside, giving him access. As he walked by her, she whispered to him, “Don’t feel too bad if they beat they shit out of you. They’re competitive little demons on these games.”

Cassian thought it funny how both mom and sons thought the same of each other. “Alright you guys, I’m in, but take it easy on me. It’s been awhile since I’ve played a video game. Plus not too many rounds, it’s getting late.”

Jyn watched Cassian plop down on the couch between both kids. An ache formed in her chest, thinking this was the first time in literally their whole lives that they’ve had that type of presence around them. She wished for so many things for them - a mother who wasn’t emotionally broken, a father who had stayed and a family that wasn’t still grieving. She felt her chest tighten and her eyes began to water. Cassian glanced up at her, his gaze growing concerned when he saw her face. She shook her head briefly as if to mentally tell him not to ask. Understanding, he went back to focusing on the game with the kids. Needing to stay busy, she went into the kitchen and put together some light snacks and desserts for them to munch on.

“You guys mind if I sit out on the balcony?” she asked, putting the tray of goodies in front of them. She could’ve of been talking to a statue - all _three_ boys were focusing on their punching or cage fight match or whatever it was that they were playing.

She grabbed a beer from the fridge and went out to the balcony. She loved the beach, the ocean. It brought back so many memories - her sisters picking her up from school and taking her to the beach for a quick trip or taking her out of school to go have lunch at some beach side restaurant. They always waited till their dad left for work - him being the military man that he was, would have frowned on this truancy. She always knew that if they had shoes on when they picked her up from school, they were going somewhere. She remembered times body surfing, boogie boarding, long walks collecting seashells and watching sunsets. So deep in thought, she didn’t hear Cassian come out until he picked up her bottle opener. He had helped himself to her stash in the fridge.

“The boys?”

Cassian beamed like a peacock. “I beat them - like beat the crap out of them and they didn’t want to play anymore.” He raised his eyebrows, “Sore losers you got there.”

“Hmm . . . they’ll get payback on you later. They’re probably devising a way to get back at you tomorrow.” She turned her head and stared back out at the beach.

He sat down quietly next to her. “Querida, esta bien?” Jyn understanding what he said nodded her head.

“Yeah, just thinking.”

“Is it okay that I’m here? I don’t want to intrude.” Cassian wasn’t too sure what had happened. Everything seemed fine all day, she was happy and playing but then he noticed the sad look in her eyes when she saw him sitting with the ninos. He wondered if she missed her husband. His stomach churned slightly at the thought. He couldn’t compete with a dead man.

“You’re not intruding. I just . . . it’s just been a while since there’s been a guy for them to hang out with. I try but with boys, sometimes they just,” she pursed her lips as if trying to get the words out, “they’re just different when they hang out with a man, like they’re not little boys anymore, and they act all rough and tough.”

“And sometimes,” she paused, her lip quivering, “I wonder if I’m enough.”

Cassian didn’t know what to say. A part of him was happy as shit that there hasn’t been a man in the picture. But oh she couldn’t be more wrong.

He turned towards her, putting his hand on hers. “I . . . know we just met but do you know what the first thing was that I lik- . . . er . . . noticed . . . about you?”

Jyn shook her head, eyes wide.

Cassian went on. “You play with your kids Jyn. Look around you. How many parents do you see in the pool with their kids? How many are on their phones ignoring them? You’re more than enough and then some. Don’t ever doubt yourself. Those boys are good kids - that alone is a testament to how well you’re doing. Being a single parent is the hardest job in the world - you have to think for two people, be two people. Don’t second guess yourself.”

Jyn blushed, giving him a tentative smile. “That was . . . kind. Thank you.” She inadvertently let out a yawn. “I’m sorry, it’s been a busy day.”

Cassian got up, “I’ll get going, you’re tired.” She walked him to the door quietly.

“Thanks for inviting me,” Cassian broke the silence.

“Thanks for coming with us - not too sure if the boys would have had as much fun if you hadn’t come along.”

Cassian laughed. “Let’s get this straight - I think they had fun laughing at me.”

They both smiled at each other - eyes the color of the sea staring at dark brown pools of chocolate.

“Well, I better head back to my room. See you tomorrow at the pool?” He asked hesitantly.

Jyn nodded, smiling. Before she could move, Cassian gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and then turned down the hall, heading to the elevators.

She touched her cheek, still feeling the lingering of his lips and walked back inside, experiencing a feeling she hadn’t felt in a long time.

 _Hope_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just realized that not everything formats nice and pretty when copying and pasting from google docs. Sorry if the first three chapters seemed rough. Hopefully I caught it all in this one!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn, 80s music and dancing. Cass misses his chance with her . . . or does he?

The week continued on with days spent at the pool and Cassian joining her in the evenings on the beach. The boys discovered the resort’s kids club and pretty much ditched her as soon as they got to the pool. While he enjoyed time with the kids, Cassian was enjoying getting to know their mom. She had started to relax around him and talked more rather than just quietly listen to him.

A week after they had been there, one evening he went down to their spot. _Their spot?_ He so easily thought of it as theirs. He didn’t even know if she was attracted to him? She seemed like she enjoyed his company and they always did their bantering/flirting gig but she never made any moves or even hinted at anything. Maybe she wasn’t interested? He noticed she wasn't there. Looking around he spied Jyn by the pool bar where the DJ was playing some godawful 80’s song. He walked over there quickly. The hotel had been like a sausage fest all week and he was worried some guy was going to hit on her.

(He didn’t question why he was worried - was it because he wanted to hit on her or worried she would accept being hitted on?)

Jyn had been walking down to the lounge chairs when she heard the bar start to play 80’s music. She hadn’t danced or just bopped around to music in a while. Wanting to listen to the music, she walked over to the bar to grab some drinks. She had been there for a couple of minutes when she felt a hand on her back.

“Please tell me you’re not an 80’s fan,” Cassian groaned.

“I love the 80s, it’s what I grew up around,” she said smiling. Cassian was trying to do the math and couldn’t figure how 80s played into her growing up.

“So I take it we're hanging out here tonight?”

She smiled at him and it was unlike any smile he’d seen on her during this whole trip . . . like a full on mega watt grin that could light up a planet.

Dazed, he said, “Okay but I refuse to dance to this.”

It wasn’t long before he regretted saying that. He noticed guys starting to sneak looks at her. He couldn’t blame them. She was wearing a pair of white shorts, that accentuated her lean legs and a loose, strappy, emerald top that looked pretty simple from the front but the minute she turned around, it dipped low in the back and showed those thin tan lines he just wanted to kiss. Her skin was getting more and more tanned each day that just brightened the color of her eyes. With the top she wore, they were a green today with blue and grey sparkles. Fuck she was beautiful. Cassian didn’t know what was wrong with him. Normally any other woman he would’ve asked out or made some moves on already but this one, he couldn’t gage what she thought about him. She wasn’t impressed that he was an actor although she was attentive when he talked about his job and asked questions about the industry.

Deep in thought he didn't realize some schmuck asked her to dance. Jyn glanced at him looking for his approval? _Hmmm interesting._ _Maybe there is some interest?_ The caveman in Cassian was tempted to tell the guy to fuck off, that she was his, but this was the first time he had seen her smile and look like she was enjoying herself so he removed his hand from her back and said sure.

An hour later Cassian was pissed. He thought she’d be out for one or two dances and she was still out on the dance floor and it wasn't even the same guy. What the fuck? _I guess I should be worried if it was the same one then that would mean she liked dancing with him._ But it was like the bar had turned into some kind of man cave and they were all wanting to dance with Jyn. He did enjoy watching her though. She moved her hips and body to the music.

 _I wonder if that's how she is in bed?_ He had long given up on wondering where those thoughts came from. He liked her, like really liked her and just didn’t know what to do. Thankfully the music was upbeat so she didn’t have to dance too close to all the assholes. Also he noticed if they got too close or put a hand on her waist she would dance creatively out of their hold without pissing them off.

And still more songs later, she hadn’t returned. He was getting tired of watching her . . . or to be accurate, tired of watching her dance and smiling with other guys. Her smiles were so few and far in between that he wanted to be the only recipient of them. He wanted to be dancing with her but shit he hated this music. It reminded him of all the loud discos in Mexico blaring the music. He had an idea but wasn't too sure if it would work in his favor.

Jyn was having the time of her life. She loved to dance. She had been hoping Cassian would have joined her but he was obviously not into the music. She could feel his eyes on her though and it felt . . . heady, exhilarating. There was something about him tonight. How he possessively had his hand on her back at the bar and how he was on guard every time she got a new dance partner. She had really enjoyed his company this past week. She sensed he was into her but wasn't too sure how far he wanted to take it. Vacation romance? Dating when they got back home? How do you even date a movie star? It had been so long since she was with a guy and she refused to let her boys get attached to someone. She hadn’t considered a vacation fling but didn’t know if mentally she was up for it.

The music turned into some salsa number and she was about to start dancing again with her partner, when she felt an arm circle around her from behind and a voice close to her ear murmured “Now this is my music.” Smiling apologetically at her partner she turned around and went into Cassian’s arms.

Cassian wrapped his arms around her and glared at the asshole Jyn was dancing with, daring him to interfere. The guy backed off and he smirked at him. The music was sultry with a saucy beat to it. He was surprised Jyn was letting him lead. He pulled her close to him and kept his hands on her hips while they danced. She looked up at him with the biggest smile. Her eyes was his undoing - the vibrant green made it hard for him to read any emotions because he was so transfixed by the color.

Jyn heard him murmur a string of spanish words to her that she had a hard time translating. A slow spanish song came on and Cassian pulled her even closer to him. She didn’t realize how close their faces were to each other. She was avoiding his gaze but then she dared to look at him - like really looked at him. His eyes were black with desire and something else she couldn’t put a name on. Afraid to ruin the moment, she rested her head on his shoulder as they kept on dancing.

The two kept on dancing even when the DJ stopped playing Cassian’s requested music and moved on to some pop tunes. Cassian, not wanting the evening to end, asked her if she wanted to take a walk. Jyn looked at her phone and facetimed the kids. The phone rang a bit until she saw Jacob’s chubby little face.

“Yeah mom,” he whispered.

“Why are you whispering?”

“Because Teddy’s asleep by me.” He changed the view of the phone where Jyn saw Teddy laying down close to Jacob’s lap. Her heart melted at the sight. The boys were growing so fast but it was moments like this that she treasured. She saw Cassian smiling out of the corner of her eye.

“Okay - I was just calling to check on you. I’ll be up in a bit.”

“Take your time mom - tell Cassian I said hi.”

Jyn looked at Cassian to find him smiling. “Smart kid” he quipped.

“Too smart for his own good,” she muttered.

They walked for awhile, both quiet in their thoughts. Jyn was itching to say something. The silence was killing her.

“I’m sorry I danced without you,” she blurted out.

Cassian stopped and grabbed her by the arm and turned her to him.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do this earlier,” he murmured as he pulled her close to him and kissed her. The kiss was neither gentle or hard but probing, insistent. He felt her stiffen at first and then worried he overstepped was about to pull back when he felt her arms lace over his neck and she responded back. The kissing turned more urgent as he probed her lips open with his tongue and flicked it inside her mouth, exploring. Heat bloomed in her belly and she ran her fingers through his hair. Cassian drew her even closer to him - his hands on the bare part of her back drawing feather light circles. They couldn’t get enough of each other and it wasn’t until a loud crash of the wave startled them both back into the present that they drew away from each other. Gasping for breath.

Cassian at a loss for words gasped “that was . . . -”

Jyn cut him off. “Yeah . . . I know”.

“I would have definitely kissed you a lot sooner . . .”

Jyn shook her head smiling ruefully. She didn’t quite know what to say - kissing random guys in college was one thing but now that she was older, a mom - she wasn’t too sure what to do next. Thankfully Cassian didn’t let her ruminate on it for too long as he grabbed her hand,

“C’mon - I better get you back before Jake sends a search party out for you. Their infatuation with me will only go so far . . .”

They walked to her room and she was about to insert her key into the door with Cassian at her back when he put both his arms against the door locking her in between them. “Jyn,” he breathed, his lips a whisper at her neck. Jyn slowly turned and Cassian drank the sight of her in. Her hair was wavy, cheeks flushed (probably from the walk but he liked to think it was him). Her lips were swollen pink from his kisses earlier. He dipped his head down and captured her lips again . . . it was short, sweet and intense. Breaking away from her but still saying close, he bent his forehead to hers.

“Spend the day with me tomorrow,” he murmured, not quite asking but not demanding either.

Jyn knew she had a free day - the boys were doing a surf camp tomorrow and would be tied up all day. She nodded her head yes, put her key in the door and walked inside.

It took all of her willpower to not drag him into the room and take him to her bedroom . . . kids be damned.

Cassian took the elevator to his room not quite believing how his night went. He had imagined kissing her since that first day at the pool and his mind got creative of the where, what and when of those kisses, but this blew him away. He went about thinking about their plans for tomorrow. He didn’t know if he should feel guilty or not - a couple of days earlier he was taking the boys to the kids club and pointed out the surf camp flyer to them.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian grow closer.

Cassian stopped by her room at around 9:00am. She had gotten the kids off to the surf camp earlier in the morning and was waiting for him.

“Come on in” she said shyly. Cassian dropped a quick kiss on her cheek and walked in. She noticed him looking at her bedroom a moment too long.

Wanting to get back to their normal banter, Jyn said, “Don’t even think about it lover boy.”

Cassian embarrassed that she totally caught onto what he was thinking, flushed and looked away.

“So - not too sure what I’m supposed to wear? Hiking shoes, sandals, bathing suit?”

Cassian looked at her - she was wearing a pair of denim cutoffs with a white tank top. “You have a suit on underneath?” His eyes darkened as they roamed over her body.

Jyn, flustered at his intense gaze, stammered. “Uh . . . yeah let me put one on.”

They drove for a while on the main highway and then turned off onto a road. It was forested for awhile and then it opened up to the prettiest beach she had ever seen. The water was turquoise blue, waves small, sand white. And there was nobody in sight.

Cassian glanced at her, shy. “I wasn’t too sure what you would want to do - it seems like every day you’re kept busy with the boys so I thought just a nice day at the beach, swimming and relaxing would be just the thing.”

She stayed quiet. “Umm . . . we can do something else,” he said uncertainly.

Jyn overwhelmed that he had thought just about her was taken aback. “No, no,” she exclaimed. “I love it. We haven’t been down to the beach this whole trip. The boys love the hotel so it’s been hard to get down to . . . just sand.”

Cassian pulled out a small cooler and some beach towels from the back of his rental car.

They set up their beach towels, he had a speaker for his iPhone and started playing some music. She smiled to herself when she heard the 80’s band. _Either this man was really trying to get in her pants (which jeez he didn’t need to try that hard) or he was thinking of something else altogether for them - something that she didn’t want to think about or hope for or even consider._

Jyn needed help putting on sunscreen. “Can you put sunscreen on me?” she asked shyly, handing him the spray.

Cassian turned to her. “Of cour-.” He fumbled over his words when he took in her bathing suit. Or lack thereof. She had on a bright, electric blue bikini. The top tied in the front and the bottoms tied at the side.

_Holy shit._

Recovering from his shock, he pulled out a lotion bottle. He mentally high-fived himself for buying the lotion - this gave him an opportunity to put his hands on her . . .

He started rubbing the lotion on her and immediately saw the goosebumps on her back the minute he touched her.

“Cold?” he murmured.

Jyn ignored him. _No - just aroused but I’ll be damned if I admit it._

He finished putting the sunscreen on her back and then asked if she could put it on him. Expecting her warm, tiny hands on his body - he yelped when he felt cold spray hit his back. Laughing she laid back down on her towel and put on her sunglasses.

They stayed quiet like that for awhile. Jyn broke the silence when she asked him about his next movie.

He started talking animatedly about it. He mentioned he was going to be moving to Los Angeles for a couple of years as he had a few projects lined up and he needed to be close to the studios. Surprised at this, she asked him where in LA he was moving to. “I haven’t given it much thought yet - I haven’t had a chance to explore the area.”

She nodded her head, absently thinking about _where he would go after a couple of years._

“Any suggestions on cities?” he asked, eyes hopeful.

“Well Santa Monica is nice but traffic is a bitch. Depends on if you want to commute but you probably have a driver,” she said, winking at him, smiling mischievously.

Cassian rolled his eyes.

They went for a swim and ate the lunch he had packed. Cassian asked Jyn about her job and she talked more about the university. She had been working there since she was 18 and loved the people.

“I really like my job - I have a great team. They’ve been there for me since I graduated and when my fa . . .,” she corrected herself, “when the kids dad died, they were really supportive, especially my boss.”

Cassian felt bad that his questions led her to bringing up the kids dad. He didn’t want this to be a sad day but he was curious about him. He found that when he could get her to open up this past week she would just talk about the boys and her niece. She never mentioned their dad, her husband. He had died when they were young but still . . .something felt off.

“Can I ask you something?”

She paused looking at him, warily. “Sure.”

“You don’t talk much about their dad. Is it still hard? I’m sorry - I just . . . ”

Jyn smiled sadly. “It’s okay, I understand. I know I don’t talk about him much.”

She sighed, a faraway look in her eyes.

“When Alec died, he and I weren’t in the best place.”

She swallowed, trying to figure out how to say the words.

“I was uh . . . a bit wild in college. Catholic school girl from Kindergarten to senior year in high school. Soo . . . going off to college and having freedom and independence, was a dream come true. I probably gave Jack his gray hair during those years.”

“Jack?”

Jyn explained. “He’s my boss. I’ve been working for him since I was eighteen. So he’s definitely seen me not at my finest hour.” She grimaced. Cassian nodded. “We all have our pasts,” he mused.

Jyn went on.

“I met Alec the beginning of my senior year. He was older, in the master’s program, but had to take some undergrad stat class. That’s where we met. I was getting tired of the partying and dating scene. He was quiet, mature, older - somebody that I thought I needed at that time. I didn’t want a frat boy or someone who would choose to go with their friends rather than me. Everything was great at first.”

She paused. Cassian had done the math. He understood what happened next.

“You got pregnant.”

She nodded her head. “We were both a month from graduation.”

“He was mad?” Cassian never wanted to think ill of the dead but couldn’t imagine being upset at the thought of a child.

“He . . .Alec. . . didn’t have a good upbringing. He never wanted to talk about it so I left it alone but I know his parents weren’t in the picture and he grew up with whatever cousin or aunt would take him in. But he wasn’t ready. Hell neither was I. My parents were furious. My mom was upset. So Alec insisted we get married, have some stability. We married as soon as I graduated. Got an apartment and then he started working like crazy. His degree was in programming so he got a job with a tech firm. The firm relocated to Silicon Valley and he wanted to move but I refused. I had found out that I was pregnant again with Teddy and wanted to be close to my si . . . “ she cut off, “with my family.” She corrected. “We were at an impasse. He commuted, flying up there Monday mornings, coming home Thursday nights. It seemed to work at first. We constantly would fight about where we lived. He even took me on a trip up there and I hated the feeling of the city, how expensive it was to live there. I mean Long Beach isn’t exactly the cheapest city but it’s affordable . . . it's home. Out there was ridiculous. Eventually he started not coming home every weekend like he had promised. Every time I asked him to please stay, he would say he couldn’t, that he was trying to build a better future for us, but I just wanted him home. The boys needed their dad. I had a good job at the university, I was moving up. We could’ve made it work here but he didn’t want to. I felt like there was nothing to keep him here - he didn’t even get involved too much with the boys. I think he felt like they were a burden rather than a blessing. Those years were a blur. I tried talking to him but it just wasn’t enough. He never opened up to me. The day he died, we had a huge argument. Both the boys were sick with colds and I really could’ve used his help. I told him not to bother coming back and he still walked away. Then he died. The guilt nearly destroyed me. I kept thinking maybe if we hadn’t fought he wouldn’t have been so upset, maybe his heart would’ve been stronger or not beating so fast that he wouldn’t have had a heart attack.”

“He had a heart attack?” Cassian paused, thinking, trying to do the math. “How much older was he than you?” He noticed she left that piece of information out.

“Not much. Seven-eight years older? Ten?”

“Jyn . . . “

“Okay, so he was ten years older than me. Big deal.” She was getting defensive.

“Wow, he was still young, though. In his thirties.”

“So you never dated anyone else after . . .” Cassian asked.

Jyn raised an eyebrow - “Well . . . a few but I just wanted to focus on raising the boys. I didn’t want to bring a stranger into their life and they get attached and it didn’t work out . . . I’ve always put them first . . .”

_Until I met you._

Cassian sensed there was something else she wasn’t saying but didn’t want to dig too deep. Her walls were starting to come down and he didn’t want to tread into dangerous territory.

“So you have a big family?” Cassian asked.

Mis-take.

That's when she clammed up and a flash of pain, like deep pain crossed her eyes.

“I have a brother and two sisters. I’m the youngest . . . “

“And they all live in California?”

“My brother and dad live in San Diego.” She didn't elaborate on her sisters. He knew she had one that passed away.

She quickly changed the subject. “So what about you, Mr. Andor? No ex-wifes? Girlfriends?”

“None right now,” he replied, his brown eyes looking directly at her.

“I was engaged but turns out we wanted different things.”

Jyn looked at him sharply. “She didn’t like your movie star lifestyle?"

Cassian laughed bitterly. “No, she liked it too much. I wanted a family, kids and she wasn’t interested. Was worried how they would impact her life.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no,” Cassian reassured her. “It’s okay . . . I just . . . I’ve always been raised in a big family and wanted the same marriage as my parents and I don’t know what happened. I feel like I took a wrong turn and haven’t found my way back yet.”

_But I feel like I’m heading in the right direction now._

A slight breeze blew and Jyn shivered - the sun was starting to set. Jyn looked at him - Cassian understood.

“Time to head back?”

“Yeah - we probably should. Their surf camp will be ending soon.”

Cassian got up and brushed the sand off himself. He held out his hand to help her up. When she grabbed his hand, he pulled her to him.

“May I?” He asked, his hands cupping her face. She nodded her head, trembling.

His lips descended on hers with such fervor like he was taking his last breath - she didn’t know if it was because they were alone or because they had such an intimate afternoon talking about themselves but she could almost feel tears come to her eyes with this kiss. His hands roamed her back and gently toyed with the strings of her bikini bottoms. He hadn’t put his shirt on yet so she ran her hands up and down his back, pleased to feel little goosebumps form after her hands left a spot. The kiss deepened as he brought his hands to her side and roamed them towards her breasts. She could feel a warmth in her and her nipples hardened and she half wanted to push him back on the sand and mount him but knew that the timing wasn’t right. _Plus beach sex was horrible._ After what seemed like minutes she gently pulled back and rested her forehead on his shoulder.

“Will you have dinner with me tomorrow night? Bring the boys.”

“I actually signed them up for the beach camp the hotel is having - it’s some kind of bonfire and camp out on the beach. But if you don’t mind it being just me . . .

Cassian smiled. “I guess that’s fine,” he sighed theatrically.

The drive back to the hotel was quiet with both of them deep in thought. Jyn felt that they both grew close but wasn’t too sure what was next or what he wanted. Or what she even wanted?

“Is dinner at my place fine tomorrow?” He asked casually. Jyn eyed him warily. “Are you cooking or calling hotel catering.”

“A little bit of both,” he confessed.

“I suppose that’s fine,” she said, winking at him.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so not too sure how to reference or give credit to artists when I quote songs. Totally envisioned Ed Sheeran's "Give Me Love" playing in the background on this chapter so threw a few verses in for good measure. I'm sure y'all can figure out where this chapter is heading . . .

Jyn spent the next morning running the kids around buying supplies for their camp out. Thankfully the resort rented out sleeping bags and tents but they wanted flashlights and snacks and just _stuff_. She found the nearest mall and bought a few things for them then noticed a couple of clothing stores. Jyn hadn’t given much thought to what she would wear that night. She wanted to wear something other than her typical attire of shorts, tank top or bathing suit and cover up. She browsed through a few stores and found something that would be perfect.

Jyn dropped the boys off at the camp and headed back to the room to shower and get dressed.

Cassian had a hell of day - his agent had called him and wanted him to look at a script right away. He didn’t have a chance to do all the shopping he wanted to do so he had to beg the hotel to give him some supplies. He was just putting the final touches on everything when he heard Jyn knocking. He opened the door and . . . _jesus christo the woman was dressed to kill._ She wasn’t wearing anything fancy but just a simple blue sundress that of course turned her eyes from grey green to blue. He was beginning to think she wore blue on purpose. The dress had spaghetti straps that tied with a bow at her shoulder - one simple flick of the wrist and he could untie those bows. _Oh man - he wasn’t going to make it through dinner, he thought._ The dress came a couple of inches above her knee. Not too short just the right length for it to look super sexy but not inappropriate.

“Hi,” he said a little bit too brightly.

“Hi,” she said, grinning at him. “Wasn’t too sure what was on the menu so I brought both beer and wine.”

She walked past him and then he got a glimpse of the back of the dress.

_Holy shit - I’m definitely not gonna make it past dinner._

While the front of the dress was cute and demure, the back was _Whoa Mama_. The dress dipped low in the back to thin straps that tied right above her lower back.

_How do you even wear a bra with that - - -_

“Cassian” she said - interrupting his thoughts.

“Hmmm . . .” - he said.

“Where should I put the beer, in the fridge?”

Cassian nodded his head, still distracted. .

Jyn walked to the fridge with a smile on her face. She knew the minute she saw the dress that Cassian would love it. It didn’t take her long to realize that he had a thing for backs. The weirdo. The whole week he always came up from behind or had placed a hand at the small of her back.

Cassian served dinner and they ate, enjoying each other’s company. He talked a lot about his upcoming projects. He had one acting gig lined up and then was planning on directing a few movies. Jyn moved to start helping with the dishes but he told her to sit down and enjoy not doing anything.

She went out to the balcony and watched the waves. She felt him come up behind her and place his hand on her back (she smiled - she had called that one). He had put some light music on that she could faintly here.

 _Give me love like never before_  
 _'Cause lately I've been craving more_  
And it's been a while but I still feel the same  
Maybe I should let you go  
You know I'll fight my corner  
And that tonight I'll call ya  
After my blood is drowning in alcohol  
No I just wanna hold ya

_All I want is the taste that your lips allow  
My, my, my, my, oh give me love_

“Querida,” he murmured, putting his chin on her head. There were no words between them just emotion. Cassian felt her relax at his touch and slowly started nuzzling her neck, circling his arms around her. She turned to face him and lightly kissed his neck. He hadn’t shaved so he had a little shadow that tickled her. Their lips met after exploring and they gently kissed. The kisses grew more and more urgent. He pinned her against the balcony as he moved his lips down her neck to her chest and he lightly kissed her chest. His fingers toyed with the bow on her dress - he so desperately wanted to untie it but wanted to cherish and love her and bring her to her knees before he allowed himself the pleasure of untying those bows. He hitched her up and she wrapped her legs around him. He walked backwards into the condo and slowly let her slide down him. Cassian had wanted to take this slow but he was bursting at the seam - he led her into the bedroom and dimmed the lights.

“Jyn,” he breathed. “If you have any doubts . . . you can say no.” Jyn just looked up him, her eyes giving him all the acceptance he needed. He pulled her to him and kissed her deeply - his hands running over her shoulders and slowly untying the bows. He thought the dress would fall but realized the tie in the back was still keeping it up.

“Mierda,” he muttered . . . snaking his arms around her back. She giggled. He untied the dress and it fell forward.

The sight of her breasts was breathtaking. _He was right - no bra._ He kept kissing her while his hands ran over her breasts, his fingers teasing her nipples until they were hard little nubs in has palm. He trailed his lips down her neck and fastened his mouth on her nipple sucking gently. Jyn's hands ran over his back and to his hip, her fingers dancing over his stomach. Cassian breathed in sharply as her hands lowered palming him through his shorts. _Two can play at this game._  His hands moved from her breasts and down to her hip. Her dress was pooled around her waist and he was half tempted to yank it down. But instead ran his hand up her thigh lightly ghosting his fingers over her center. “Cassian,” she moaned softly, her hands still touching him there. With one quick yank her dress was on the floor and he pushed her onto the bed, both kissing each other frantically. He whipped off his belt and she pulled his shorts- _both of them_ \- down. He paused for a moment startled at her speed but darkly put that thought away not wanting to know where she learned that. She was laying on the bed with some lacy thing supposedly called underwear that was all satin with bows at that side. He trailed kisses up her leg and gently nibbled at her core through her panties then moved his lips up her hip and finally tugging the bows with his teeth till the scrap of material fell away. Cassian stood back admiring her. Jyn feeling exposed went to cover herself. “No, don’t,” he breathed out, his eyes, body, heavy with desire.

“Cassian . . I . . . it’s been a while,” she said apologetically.

He didn’t know if he should be elated at the fact she chose him to break her dry spell or be concerned that the woman still knew her moves even though _it had been a while._

“Shhh . . . querida - you’re so beautiful,” he murmured as he lowered himself to her. He covered her body with his and locked his lips on hers using his hand to guide himself in her. She wrapped her arms and legs around him tightly urging him in deeper. Cassian pushed himself in all the way letting her body adjust to him. Jyn lifted her hips up to take him in deeper and he met her in response. Their bodies moved in rhythm slowly and he snaked his hand in between their bodies to rub her folds. Jyn could feel the pressure starting to build up and her body tensed up as Cassian pushed and hit that spot. They both exploded at the same time feeling the release they both sought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right . . . be easy on me. First time writing a S-E-X scene.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Their vacation ends. What's next for these two?

Jyn was borderline dozing off, Cassian wrapped around her when he said softly, “I want to see you.”

Jyn stayed quiet - she wasn’t too sure what to say. She had hoped for more but didn’t want to make him feel obligated.

“Why?,” she said, turning to face him.

Cassian - pulled back from her - a little bit hurt. He waved his hand towards their bodies together and said “This. I like you - I want to see you - I like your boys. I want to do this.”

Jyn was trying to be practical - he was an actor for crying out loud - what kind of relationship could they ever have? Rather than trying to reason with him, Jyn caressed her fingers over his hips, trailing them slowly towards his middle. “Let’s just think about tonight,” she murmured.

Cassian knew what she was doing but he gave in as her lips trailed over his stomach and further down, taking him in her mouth.

They made love all night long and dozed for little bits of time wrapped up in each other’s arms. Jyn knew that it would end tonight and she was absorbing the little time they had left together. Waking up close to dawn, she put on one of his tee shirts and went out to the balcony. The sun hadn’t risen yet but there was enough early morning light that she could see the colors of dawn dancing on the waves. She felt Cassian wrap his arms around her from behind.

“Good morning,” he murmured nuzzling her neck, bringing his hands up under her shirt to caress her stomach, slowly gliding them up to her breasts. She turned her head slightly to kiss him. It wasn’t too long before the soft kisses turned urgent and he pushed her towards the balcony, lifting his shirt up and entering her. There was an unsaid urgency - as if he knew this would be their last time to come together. As he rocked into her, his hands holding tightly onto her hips as he murmured sweet words in her ear that of course she couldn’t understand. Jyn came just as he felt his release and they both leaned into each other, breathing heavily.

“I have to go,” she whispered to him. “We leave this afternoon and I have to get the kids all packed.”

Cassian - not wanting to let her go, worried she wouldn’t let him in her life, understood. “Please - may I take you to the airport?”

“Cass” she started. He interrupted.          “Please? I’d like to say bye to the kids.” She relented. “We’ll be ready by 2.”

Cassian walked her back to her room and as she turned to tell him thank you, he lightly pecked her on the cheek and said “I’ll see you later querida” and walked away with a smile on his face.

 _Why’s he smiling, Jyn thought?_ She wanted him so much but she didn’t dare to have hope. She knew he wanted her but her life had attachments and responsibilities. She’d rather not know if he would deal with it than have him try and then run screaming. She just couldn’t put herself through that or the boys. Also, he was an actor for crying out loud. He could probably have any woman he wanted. Why in the world would he want her?

The boys came bursting into the room providing a distraction to her melancholy thoughts. They talked animatedly about their camp and how the marshmallows were so huge and how this was the best vacation ever. Jyn silently agreed with them looking up towards Cassian’s room, _Yup, definitely a good vacation she thought, her heart breaking a little._

The kids were excited to learn that Cassian was taking them to the airport. He helped them take their luggage downstairs where he already his car in valet.

“So have you found a place in LA yet?” 

“Not yet, I’m going to crash at my buddy’s place while I search.”

“You mean you don’t have an assistant to do that?” she joked.

He turned to look at her, serious. “Nope - I already know what I’m looking for.”

Jyn swallowed and stayed quiet. As they neared the airport, she noticed he didn’t go towards the departing flights route but rather towards rental car return. “Uh - wrong direction . . . “ she said.

He glanced at her, briefly, keeping his eyes on the road. “Nope, not wrong direction - figured I would go back too. I was going to leave tomorrow but didn’t make sense to make two trips out to the airport.

She hid her surprise. “Oh.” Was all she could say.

Cassian took a gamble. He knew Jyn was holding back and he knew the only way to break through to her was to keep bugging her. Eventually her walls would come down. He could feel himself falling for her and he hoped she would be willing to take a chance on him but knew she was protecting herself and the boys. He knew they came from different lives - he didn’t know how she would adapt to dating an actor but he crossed his fingers it would work out. It had too.

As they waited in line to board the plane, Cassian texted his buddy to see if he could pick him up from the airport. He smiled when his friend said he would pick him up. Jyn would get a kick out of this one. It’s what she gets for thinking that he wasn’t a movie star . . .

The plane ride was uneventful. Jyn mentioned about getting the kids ready for their baseball tournaments and upcoming work deadlines. He could tell she was slowly getting out of vacation mode and moving into _single mom, I’m going to stomp on people mode_. He could see her eyebrows crease when she was checking her emails but then saw her smile at a few of them. He got a few of those smiles on this past trip.

When they arrived to LAX, he walked with them towards the baggage claim and saw his friend - they hadn’t seen each other in about a year and they hugged like old times.

“Is she staring?” Cassian asked.

“Hmm . . . her jaw dropped for about five seconds then she recovered and she’s trying to avoid looking over here but her kids are pulling her shirt and pointing.”

Jyn had been texting and walking - the Uber was waiting for her. She noticed Cassian walk up to his friend and wasn’t paying attention until she head Teddy say, “OH MY GOD”. About to chastise him for his choice use of words, she looked up and stopped dead in her tracks.

Cassian’s friend was none other than the Dodgers star pitcher Kes Dameron. “ _That fucker” she thought to herself._ Recovering from her shock - she walked over.

Cassian made introductions. “Kes, this is Jyn and her two boys, Jake and Teddy. Jyn, young men, this is my-.”

“We know who he is,” Jake interrupted, trying to find a pen in his backpack for an autograph.

“Jacob, that was rude.” Jyn apologized to Kes. “I’m sorry, they’re just really excited to meet you.” “The pleasure is all mine,” Kes said, his eyes twinkling. He grabbed her hand and kissed it lightly. Cassian felt his plan backfiring . . . he nudged Kes a little bit too hard, muttering to him, “okay that’s enough.”

Cassian wanted to talk to the boys for a little bit and took them off to the side while they waited for their luggage. Jyn, having recovered over her shock of actually meeting a Dodger player ( _and not just any player but their fucking star pitcher_ ) started talking to Kes while they waited for their luggage. He insisted on giving Jyn a ride to Long Beach and she kept arguing that it was too far. Thankfully the luggage popped out and she could avoid answering him. Cassian walked back to her with the boys - all three sets of brown eyes gleaming mischievously.

“So . . . are we taking you home?” Cassian asked. Jyn shook her head no while Kes nodded his head yes.  
“It’s too far,” she lamented, “I don’t want to put you out. Besides I have an Uber.” Cassian looked at the Uber driver - he noticed him checking out Jyn when she bent down to pick up her luggage. “Uh - yeah no you’re not going with him” Tired of arguing, Jyn gave up and relented, storming off.

Kes raised his eyebrows. “You’ve got a handful with that one - I think she’s more trouble than the kids . . .” Cassian sauntered off in her direction, “Yup that’s what I like.”

Jyn’s arguments about traffic proved wrong. _Of all freaking times for there to be no traffic, it has to be today, she thought._ She gave Kes directions to her house - the boys were so excited - they sat in the back of Kes’s truck excitedly asking him about the upcoming games. Jyn then lectured Kes on his latest game. Cassian sat in the back with the kids listening.

“You know that batter always hits fast balls, you need to throw him curves. He can’t hit them for shit. Oh and then the fastball you threw to that rookie? What the hell were you thinking? Rookies are always hot to come in. You’ve got to trick them up. Throw low, high then a mean ass curve ball."

Kes stayed quiet, a bit shameful about that game. He had been distracted - he invited his new girlfriend, Shara, to the game and he could see guys flirting with her in the stands.

Cassian was amused. If there was one person to bring Kes Dameron down a peg or two, it was Jyn.

He looked around Long Beach while Kes was driving. _Nice little city he thought to himself._ Big but small enough to settle down in. Not too far from LA he mused. Close to Jyn. Super close to Jyn. His agent, Draven, was going to have a fit if he didn’t live closer even though the asshole himself lived in Malibu.

They arrived at her house and Cassian jumped out and opened the door for her and the boys. Cassian helped her take the luggage inside. Her house was cute - a simple one story in a tree lined neighborhood. The boys, glad to be home raced off to their rooms to put their stuff away.

Cassian hung around the door frame. “Well I better get going - I’m pretty sure I’ve imposed on Kes enough . . .”

Jyn kept her distance. “Thanks for giving me a ride.”

“Soo . . .,” Cassian was trying to be casual, “about what I asked last night . . . I meant it. It wasn’t a heat of the moment thing - I really want to see you and the boys again.”

Jyn sighed. “I . . . Cass . . . last night was amazing and I do want to see you.” Cassian’s face brightened. "But - ,”

(his face fell)

“I just don’t know how it will work. I’ve tried dating and men run screaming because I put my kids lives first. I don’t want to go through that with you. I can’t. I’d rather us have last night than weeks, months of disappointments.” Her eyes started to water and Cassian noticed the signs of exhaustion, lack of sleep on her face. 

“Can we talk some more? Please - you don’t have to agree but let’s talk this out a bit after we’ve both settled back in . . .”

Jyn looked at him - his eyes were so hopeful and pleading. She was waging a war within herself - what she wanted and what she had to do for her family.

“Okay - let’s talk,” she relented. Cassian knew it wasn’t a yes but he would take it. He grabbed her face and pressed his lips to hers. “See you soon, querida” and then he bounded back to the car.

Jyn sighed, _what was she getting herself into . . ._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So warning you now - I have about 20 chapters written and still have a few more I need to add. This fic doesn't just stop with their vacation ending.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn adjusts back to work life after vacation.

The first month back at work was hell for Jyn. She had never taken a complete two weeks off before. Some long weekends sure but never so long incommunicado from the office. Plus it was their busy time of year planning for their next annual gala, closing year end and updating strategies for the next year. Not to mention, the boys had baseball practically every fucking day. It was that crazy time of year where summer was right around the corner and everything was hectic up until the last day of school. Plus Cassian was in the process of moving and was back and forth between California and Mexico. They hadn’t seen each other since they came back but had stayed in touch over the phone. Jyn had no idea what was going on. He told her he wanted to be together but hadn’t brought anything up.

 

* * *

 

 

Cassian was biding his time with Jyn. He didn’t want to rush her but he was itching to see her again. He knew her schedule was crazy so he didn’t want to ask her out and then she say no and find excuses to say no. _Hmmm - he doubted she took a lunch, maybe he could ask her to lunch. Hmm . . no she would still make an excuse_. His best bet would be to put her in a position where she couldn’t say no . . .

 

* * *

 

 

Jyn was in the middle of a (long) meeting when she saw a call from Cassian coming in. She subtly hit the “ _in meeting - what's up_ ” response.

His reply made her squirm.

_Lunch today? I can pick you up?_

Jyn’s cheeks burned. She looked around the table at the other department directors to make sure they didn’t notice. Cassian was bat shit crazy - she hadn’t even told people she had met him. He couldn’t just show up at her work and take her to lunch . . .

Jyn replied back. _Kind of busy - long gala meeting._ She had talked to Cassian about their annual event - it was pretty high level. Formal, lots of monies raised, notable alums.

She half expected Cassian to put up a fight but then he replied back.

 _Okay - chat with you later querida_.

Jyn’s stomach did a little flip. She could feel herself blushing at the endearment.

To Jyn’s credit the meeting did run well past the lunch hour. By the time she got back to her desk, she was borderline hangry and knew she would have tons of emails to respond back to. Her assistant had offered to grab her something and she had declined. She hated for the staff to have to buy her lunch. They had a good team in the office - Jyn was in the same suite as the VP and had always worked well with the front office staff.

Jyn was responding back to her missed emails when she heard someone come in the door. She usually only half listened to what went on in the front - she and the VP were the only managers so unless they had meetings with guests, it was usually just deliveries.

She heard, Ethan, the student assistant, start to greet the visitor and then stop halfway through - “oh crap - you’re the . . . you’re Dr. Wrath from World of Destruction.”

Jyn stopped typing.

 _No, no, no_. She was trying to rack her brain on what movie the kids said he was in. There’s no way he would just come by - her thoughts were interrupted - when she heard his lilting, accented voice - “Hi - I was wondering if Jyn was around?”

The normally busy office went silent. Dead silent. Ethan - the student - “oh yeah, um, sure let me grab her.”

Ethan came to her door - “Um, Jyn, there’s a gentleman here to see you. It’s Cas-.” Jyn made a motion for him to shut the fuck up. All she needed was for the rest of the office to hear who was there. She walked out of her office to try and grab Cassian before others could see him.

Cassian knew the only way he would get to see her is if he surprised her at the office. She couldn’t throw a fit in front of her coworkers, plus he had a surprise for her.

However Cassian was in for a surprise when he saw her.

Jyn in Hawaii was beautiful - her sundresses, her hair loose, the sheer cover ups, that one blue dress that he still thought about her wearing (or not wearing). The blue bikini.

But Jyn in a business suit was drop dead, balls to the walls gorgeous. She had on a navy blue skirt with matching blazer, and these printed floral blue, open toed high heels, that were just way too sexy for work. Her hair was pulled back in a loose bun, tendrils falling around her face. Cassian noticed the way Ethan stared at her, doe eyes, when she walked out.

“Wow - you have clothes on,” he blurted out.

Again, the office went silent.

Jyn’s eyes went wide and she wanted to melt into the floor.

Cassian recovered - “I mean I was so used to seeing you in your bikini or cover up . . .” he added lamely.

Jyn shook her head - and mouthed for him to shut up. _He couldn’t have said swim suit? He had to say bikini?_

She wasn’t too sure what to do. She went up to Cassian and put her hand out to shake his hand while he put his arms out to hug her.

 _Awkward_.

Her cheeks were burning - mostly because this man had seen her naked and he was here at her work and the rest was because the whole office was watching their interaction.

“Hi - didn’t know you were stopping by today?” she said pointedly.

She was trying to usher Cassian in her office before the rest of the staff came out and saw them but it was too late. Everyone in the office had heard his arrival and had poked their heads out to see what was going on.

Jyn took a deep breath - “let me introduce you - not that you need them apparently.”

“Uh, this is Cassian - we me . . uh we were staying at the same place when I was on vacation and . . .,” she paused. What was she supposed to say? _We slept together, we’re dating, we’re seeing each other?_

Cassian saved the day - “Jyn was telling me of all the good work you guys do fundraising for the students and I told her that I might have some auction items for your gala coming up next year.”

Jyn didn’t know if they bought the story but at least all eyes turned to him. Especially all the female eyes. Unfortunately, Jack chose this exact time to come out of his office. “Hey everyone, where’s the party?” he said. Jack had one of those easy going personalities with those he worked with. He didn’t let his guard down much but the staff had all been working together for over five years so he was more relaxed. “Hey - you’re Cassian Andor, right? Mr. Wrath from World of Destruction?”

 _How does everybody know who he is except me?_ Jyn introduced Cassian to Jack and mirrored Cassian’s excuse for his visit.

Cassian shook Jack’s hand firmly, hiding the scowl on his face.  _Man - does she have to work with so many (he supposed) attractive men?_ First the Adam Levine look-alike student and then her boss looked like he could be Brad Pitt’s older brother. Shaking it off - he showed Jyn the bag he brought. It was a Dodger duffle bag.

“Is this for the auction? Did you get Kes to autograph a few balls?”

A few of the more immature staff snickered when she said _balls_.

“Nope I didn’t get Kes but thought this one would be better.”

Jyn took the ball out of the bag and looked at it. It definitely wasn’t Kes’ signature.

“Is this who I think it is?” she said, her face excited. Cassian nodded his head.

Jack came and looked at the ball. “Holy SHIT! Is this a Vince Scully autograph?”

Cassian nodded his head yes, beaming. Kes was going to sign a ball for him but then at the last minute, he was able to get this Scully guy’s signature. Cassian wasn’t too familiar with the baseball world but apparently Scully was a beloved sports announcer that was retiring.

“The ball also comes with a free behind the scenes tour of the stadium and a suite for a game."

Jack’s eyes looked like they were going to pop out of his head.

Jyn wanted to kiss Cassian right then and there. She was in disbelief. Jack on the other hand was doing the Snoopy dance. He began to collect the items and she stopped him. “Ummm - no you’re not putting those on your shelf. They’re going in the safe.”

Jack petulantly handed over the items. “Fine.”

Jyn went to put the items in the safe and left Cassian at the front. The staff were asking him questions about his latest movie. She hung back until Cassian caught her eyes.

“So . . . you want to grab a coffee?” he asked casually. The staff looked at him and then all eyes were on her. She could literally feel her cheeks on fire. “Umm . . . sure. I’ll be back you guys." Cassian put his hand lightly on her back and guided her to the door.

(Again with the back).

She swear she could already hear the gossip.

The minute they were out the office door, Jyn let him have it.

“I can’t believe you came to my work,” she seethed. “Do you know how hard it was for me to work my way up there? Everyone thinks Jack plays favorites with me. I can’t have them gossiping about me . . . and my boss? Now everyone is going to wonder and ask . . “

Cassian countered. “Well, let them ask! Then maybe Mr. Hotpants student assistant can tell me what your answer is.”

Jyn pulled back - she wasn’t use to Cassian showing a temper with her. He so rarely showed anger she felt bad being the one to bring it about.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I didn’t mean to lose my temper.” She pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s been a long day, I’m hungry, stressed.”

“Querida - I hope I'm not stressing you out?” He asked.

“No . . . no, not you. It’s just this time of year is always busy.”

They sat down by one of the water fountains that decorated the university, Cassian lightly put his arm around her back and it felt natural to just put her head on his shoulders. They were in a secluded area - not by the main student pathway or by any of the office buildings. Cassian started rubbing her shoulders.

“You’re tense,” he observed.

She sighed deeply. “Just a bit. This is pretty much my everyday here.”

“Hmmm . . . well I did bring something for you too.” Jyn perked up, “Really? What?”

“Well.” He pulled some tickets out of his wallet. “I know you haven’t agreed to go out with me but what about if you and the boys take _me_ to a Dodger game?”

She eyed him warily. “Well . . . I suppose since there’s four tickets we could invite you. But then I know Ethan really likes the Dodgers too,” she added innocently.

Cassian growled low in his throat . . .

“Just kidding, we’d love to take you,” Jyn said. Cassian rested his chin on her head - he wished every day could be like this. He lightly trailed kisses down her cheek until their lips touched. It was a sweet kiss that lingered and could’ve gone on longer had some students not decided to walk by. Jyn lifted her head up. “I better get back to the office and face the music,” she said reluctantly.

“Want me to walk back up with you?” Cassian asked.

“Nah, I’ll be fine.”

“Sooo . . . since I’m in the area, can I grab dinner for you and the kids?”

Jyn looked perplexed. “Like bring us dinner?”

“Yep,” he smiled. “You said you shuttle them back and forth to practice every day. I can meet you guys with some dinner at your house or at their practice.”

Usually Jyn survived on snacks and fruit during their practice and then she’d give them a sandwich when they got home. A meal sounded heavenly.

“Um - yeah sounds good. You know how to get to my house?”

She texted him her address and he kissed her quick on the lips and walked to his car. Jyn dragged her feet back to the office. She was halfway tempted to sneak in the back but then since her office was close to the front of the suite, she would have to skulk by everyone.

She took a deep breath and walked in. Thankfully everyone was on the phone and she walked straight to her office, her head held high. She was tempted to shut the door but knew she would have to face everyone eventually. The VP’s assistant, her analyst and the receptionist all peeked their head in her door frame.

“We can’t believe you met Cassian Andor and did not tell us,” was the universal shriek.

“I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it,” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

“Big deal? Jyn - you met Mexico’s man of the year. He’s Mr. Latino.”

Jyn wrinkled her face. “Really? He’s a big actor?” They all shook their heads in disbelief.

Marisol, Jack’s assistant, was outraged. “Have you not googled him? He does it all - he writes, he does indie films which he’s well known for, he produces. He’s best friends with Kes Dameron.”

“Umm, first - no I haven’t googled him. Have no reason to. And yes I did know that he’s besties with Kes. He gave us a ride home from the airport.”

Jaws dropped. “Kes,” they said in unison. "You met KD too? And you’re on a first name basis with Cassian?”

“Guys - it’s not a big deal. We met in Hawaii, we were staying at the same resort and saw each other at the pool every now and then.”

Jyn tried to sound casual and play it off. _Then we danced, and made out and on our last night . ._.

They all looked at her - she knew her story wasn’t selling. Jack picked that time to yell for her from his office.

 _Jesus Christ - can I not get a break today?_ She went into Jack’s office - “yes Master?” She was being facetious but she knew how to get a reaction out of him.

Jack rolled his eyes at her. “So . . . that was a surprise today. I just googled Cassian and he’s got a pretty decent resume on him. You know the Theater Department has been wanting to do a special guest lecture series. Maybe you can . . . . -”

Jyn cut him off. “Jack, I don’t even know him that well.” She repeated the same thing she said to the office. “We met in Hawaii, saw each other a few times at the pool and that was it.”

Jack took his eyeglasses off and cleaned them. A habit she knew he did when he was about to broach a subject that she would argue with him on.

“Hmm - well for two people who just met - he sure went to a lot of trouble to get those auction items. Scully doesn’t just sign for anyone so you may want to think about how well you know each other.”

Jyn stomped back to her office. The whole department was going to be gossiping about her tomorrow. _Just great._ There was nothing for her to say about it - she didn’t even know what _it_ was.

 


	10. Chapter 10

Jyn left work at the usual time and did her every day race - grab kids from school, have them get dressed in the car, show up to their game. She was seriously missing Katy - she usually handled all this back and forth for her which would when then give Jyn a little bit of time to breath at work.

The boys game went well. They were nearing the end of the season so both parents and kids were getting tuckered out. Jyn was secretly happy the kiddos didn’t make it further in all-stars, that would have prolonged the season for another one or two months. She loved them, she loved baseball but ugh she hated the back and forth.

She pulled up to the house and noticed a new, shiny black truck parked outside. Cassian must have got his new car, she mused. He got out of the truck, smiling at the boys. All the irritation at him earlier for surprising her at work melted away when she saw that smile. The boys, surprised to see him, ran to him, giving him a hug. Jacob stopped short, trying to figure out if he was too big to give hugs or should he just do a high five but Cassian pulled him into a half hug, half cool guy arm pat on the back thing.

“Yuummm pizza - You brought us food!” Teddy exclaimed. “We’re so hungry - Mom never feeds us after a game.”

Cassian raised his eyebrows at Jyn.

“I feed you guys,” Jyn defended herself. “I just don’t give you heavy stuff because it’s so late,” she said, pointedly staring at the pizza box.

They went inside the house and the boys set the table while she grabbed dishes and drinks.

She wasn't too sure what Cassian drank on a day to day basis. “Ummm I have wine, beer and Capri suns? Or water?” He smiled. “I'll take a Capri sun.” Jyn peered inside the fridge frowning. She was hoping he would say beer which she could then follow suit. _It had been a rough day._ “Capri sun it is,” she said forcing a smile.

Dinner was a loud affair. The boys were excited to have a guest so they talked Cassian’s ear off about school and baseball. Jyn watched Cassian listening to them, then ask them questions. She could get used to this. The four of them (or five once Katy returned from studying abroad) having dinner like a family. _That's a dangerous road your traveling, Jyn. Don't get attached._ Jyn got up and started clearing the table. “Okay you guys - enough chit chatting. Time to get ready for bed.”

“Awww mom," they both protested. 

“Nope you kiddos have school tomorrow. Showers now.”

The boys trudged to their room to get ready for bed. Cassian came up behind Jyn while she started washing the dishes. He wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck. “You okay” he breathed, his voice a light whisper against her skin. He felt her still.

_How can he read me so well?_

She slowly untangled herself from him. “Yeah I'm fine. Just thinking.”

“I hope you don't mind . . . this”. He said waving to the pizza box and the table. “I don't want to intrude.”

“Are you kidding? This is the first meal they've had all week.”

Cassian narrowed his eyes at her. “You know I’m not talking about dinner Jyn. I meant this - me being here, having dinner with you and the boys. I’d like to do this more often. And not shit shock you when I show up to your work.”

Jyn squirmed. “Cass - I - just” jeez why was it so hard to say what she wanted to say. She took a deep breath, pinched the bridge of her nose - a trait Cassian found endearing and noticed she did when she was overthinking.

“I don’t know how to do this. I don't know how to be with someone like you.”

“Do you think I do? I’ve never dated someone like you - do you think I go around dating single, beautiful, working moms all the time? I mean I don’t know what the etiquette is? Do I need to ask your son's first? Are we allowed to kiss in front of them? Sleepovers are out of the question, I’m presuming.”

Jyn winced. While a sleepover with Cassian sounded amazing, yeah, she didn’t think it would be appropriate.

She looked out the window, at the city lights, trying to find the answer she needed. Taking a deep breath, taking that jump, she nodded her head, yes.

Emotions flooded Cassian’s face - joy, excitement, a little bit of fear.

“Yeah?” he said excitedly. Feeling a bit braver, Jyn nodded her head again, his excitement catching on to her.

He grabbed her and kissed her. She grabbed his shirt and held him close, taking in the kiss.

She murmured against his lips, “I need to finish cleaning up.”

“I’ll help you.”

“Nope -have a seat on the couch. You can turn on the TV.”

She finished cleaning up and then checked on the kids. They were fast asleep. She could breathe a sigh of relief. This was usually how their evenings were. She was worried bedtime would've been a challenge because of their visitor. They always got excited when someone was there. Although she missed her niece terribly, she was a little bit glad Katy decided to study abroad, otherwise it would be nights of silly antics and shenanigans.

She plopped down on the couch next to Cassian and breathed deeply.

“Long day?”

“Long week,” she said. “How was yours?”

“Good - got new wheels. Still trying to find a place.”

“Bunking at Kes's?”

“Yeah don't want to overstay my welcome though. He has plenty of room but I need to find my own place soon.”

“Hmmm . . .” she murmured, getting comfortable against him. Cassian didn’t know she had dozed off until he felt her head on his shoulder, her face snuggled into his chest. Not wanting to disrupt her, he turned the TV lower till it was just a slight noise and watched her sleep. She looked so young and carefree and relaxed. When she was awake, she was a ball of fire that never burned out, like those birthday candles that sparkled with fireworks. But asleep, she had this soft glow about her. Peaceful. A dangerous thought formed in his head.

_I could fall in love with you. If I haven’t already._

Cassian didn’t want to overstay his welcome and they both thought it would be awkward if he stayed the night. He hated to wake her up but he didn’t want her to get a crick in her neck from the awkward angle she was sleeping.

“Jyn,” he murmured, gently rubbing her shoulder. “I should go.” Jyn came to slowly, her eyes blinking. She cuddled into him, her lips seeking refuge in his neck.

Cassian emitted a low groan. “Jyn . . . “

“Shhhh . . . just . . . shhh.” She trailed kisses up his neck, to his cheek, rough with stubble. The relaxation of the night, the dark, the slight touches of her lips was getting Cassian uncomfortable in inappropriate places. Her kids were right down the hall for fucks sake.

Unable to hold back, Cassian growled and grabbed her and placed her on his lap, her hips firmly planted over him. Their kisses turned urgent and she rocked her hips into him, feeling his arousal. She was wearing a pair of loose shorts and a tank top, All he had to do was slide the material over and he could have his fingers or his cock preferably in her in seconds.

He broke off the kiss, dipping his forehead to hers. “Jyn . . . we can’t.”

She hugged him close, nuzzling his neck. “I know,” she mumbled against him. “I need to google single mom sex etiquette. Because Cassian, those kids are here all the time.”

He laughed gently. “We’ll figure it out, querida.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn doesn't know how to "date." Cassian finds out what Jyn's been hiding.

* * *

The summer flew by for Jyn. Dating Cassian or _Cass_ as the kids liked to call him was weird. First she had to tell the boys which was awkward.

It was a couple of weeks after they agreed to see each other. Jyn was trying to figure out how to tell them. She wasn't good at this type of stuff. Finally she just spit it out. “Would you guys mind if Cassian and I went out?”

They looked at her, perplexed.

Then their noses wrinkled. Jyn's heart fell.

“Ew does this mean you guys are going to kiss? Mom you could give him cooties.”

Jyn knew then they wouldn't have a problem. She was offended that they were more concerned about his welfare than hers . . . _little brats_.

She was so used to doing things on her own and being independent that it took her awhile to get used to realizing that there was someone else to think about too. Also she didn't want to be one of _those_ girlfriends that was always bugging to go places and do things. _Ugh and being called a girlfriend was another thing she had issues with._ She was too old to be a girlfriend. She had made Cassian promise not to refer to her as that in public - friend would do just fine.

It wasn't until one weekend she took the boys to the beach and they got home, sandy, sunburned to find Cassian at her house. Jyn took one look at him and knew his feelings were hurt that she hadn't invited him.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” Jyn felt guilty. She should've invited him. It's not like she didn't wake up each morning thinking of him - some mornings happy and ecstatic that they were together. But the other mornings she woke up, scared, thinking everything was too good and it wouldn't last.

Happiness never lasted long with her.

He looked her over, taking in the boogie boards and towels. “You went to the beach?”

Jyn nodded. “It was a spur of the moment thing.”

He stayed quiet. “Have you guys had dinner yet,” he asked, hesitant.

She grinned at him, “Nope. Want to make dinner for us?”

Cassian took one look at those sparkling eyes with her mischievous grin and all was forgiven.

 

* * *

  
Cassian was helping her wash the dishes later. The boys were in their room doing heaven knows what. He sensed something was wrong but couldn't quite put a finger on it.

“Jyn . . . are we okay?” He asked her, his voice quiet.

She glanced at him quickly, surprised by the question.

“Uh . . . yeah. Why?”

He struggled with what to say. “It . . . just seems that maybe you’re rethinking this,” waving his hands between the two of them.

She looked at him, her eyes sad. “Oh Cass, no. I . . . I'm bad at this. I'm sorry about today. I should've invited you but,” she paused, scared.

He clasped her hands. “What honey? Please tell me.”

“I don't want to bug you,” she whispered. “I don't want you to feel like you have to say yes when I ask.”

“Jyn! That's all I want to do is say yes. I wish I could spend every day with you.” He pulled her close to him. “Every night with you,” he murmured, slowly kissing her.

“Oh G-R-O-S-S.”

They were interrupted by Teddy.

Jyn sighed.

Cassian laughed.

“I better go. See you this week? Jack wants to meet me for lunch on Wednesday. Any idea what he wants?”

Jyn groaned. “Ugh . . . he probably wants to ask you about being a professor for a day. You'd be quite the coup for him.

* * *

 

The lunch with Jack went well. Cassian had been wanting to give back to the community and working with students who wanted a career in the film industry was inspiring for him. He had done a similar program back home in Mexico so he was excited. He just had to work it out with his schedule, which was starting to become problematic.

Everything was going well until Jack brought up Jyn . . .

“So . . .how are you and Jyn doing?”

Cassian tensed. Jyn knew her boss way better than him so why was he asking?

He played it PC. “You see her more than I do - seems you'd be a better judge of that,” he replied, face impassive.

Jack took his time responding. “Hmmm. . . it takes a lot for Jyn to let people in. Especially since her family died.”

Cassian thought he misheard. “What do you mean family? Her husband and sister, right”

Jack realized he stepped in it. Fuck Jyn was gonna have his head on a platter.

“Nearly her whole family died in a car accident. Her mother, two sisters and her brother’s wife.”

Cassian stayed quiet. It explained so much. Jyn's walls, her reluctance to get closer. But how could he talk to her about this when she never even told him her worst pain. She'd run. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this chapter isn't great but I felt I needed a filler for the next couple of updates. Warning angst coming up soon.
> 
> Also thank you so much for all the kind reviews. You all are amazing!!!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian fight.

A couple of months later . . .

A storm was coming. The skies were grey and the sun hadn't shone. Jyn found herself wishing for the sun. This weather was too reminiscent of the day she lost everything.

The office was unusually quiet. Jack was traveling and they could all actually get work done when he wasn't around. Jyn had her door slightly closed to avoid interruptions and was working on a report. She had even turned off her cell phone so she wouldn't be distracted from the constant pinging of calendar reminders, deadlines and emails. She heard Marisol’s phone go off, the walls were so thin between their offices. Then she heard Ethan’s phone and then Lindsey's. _What the hell was going on?_ It was late afternoon - maybe they were doing some sort of group chat. She ignored it and went back to work.

 

  
Cassian was in the middle of reviewing a script when he got a call from Gael, his older brother. _Odd_. Worried something happened, he picked up.

“Gael, what's up?”

“I'm warning you now before Mama calls you.”

“What did I do now?” He said, sighing. Being the youngest of three boys had its privileges but there were days when it had its drawbacks.

“All I know is she said she raised you better than to be some two-bit man whore who kisses young ladies for the whole world to see.”

Cassian stopped breathing.

“WHAT. DID. SHE. SEE.”

“Uhhh . . . apparently there’s a pic of you floating around on the internet kissing some girl on some island and it’s uh . . .” (Gael was always the one who avoided emotions and affection) “pretty intimate.”

Cassian cringed. He was praying it wasn’t a picture of -

“She’s wearing some barely there blue bikini.”

\- Jyn.

“Gael, I gotta go. I’ve got damage control to do.”

He went to call Jyn and instead accidentally picked up a call from his agent.

“Cassian, my man!! Any rumors of you being gay are solved! I don’t know if you paid her or posed for that picture but whoa!!”

“It’s not like that, Davits.”

“Well . . . this couldn’t have happened at a better time. Studio’s going live with the casting of the new movie in a couple of hours. This photo along with the news will make you a household name in no time.”

Cassian really was going to have a heart attack. First the photo then the movie which he hadn’t told Jyn about.

He hung up then went to call Jyn. His phone flashed with another phone call. His mom.

“Mama, can I call you later?”

“Cassian! Muchacho sucio.”  _Dirty_ _boy_. “I didn’t raise you to do that. Have you no shame? That poor girl - and she looks barely 18. What were you thinking? Don’t you pay attention?”

“Mama, her name is Jyn. She’s not 18, she’s in her thirties, she has two boys and we’re going out.”

Silence.

In his haste to get his mom off the phone, he realized he had never told her he was dating someone. Oh fuck. . . he was in for it now.

“WHAT? You’re finally dating someone and you can’t tell your mother? My boy!! What have I done for you to treat me like this?”

His phone was vibrating, text message after text message. The photo was out. It was too late.

“Mama, I gotta go. Can I call you later?”

 

  
Cassian was frantically trying to get ahold of Jyn. While it was too late for him to do anything about the photo, he needed to let her know about the movie before she found out on the news but she wasn't picking up her phone or returning his texts and he never did get her office number. Shit - where the hell was she?

  
  
Jyn could hear the groups cell phones going back and forth. They turned off the ringer but she could still hear the small vibrations and then the tapping. About to stomp outside her office and demand to know what was going on, Marisol peeked into her office.

“Uh . . . just wanted to see if you’re okay?”

Puzzled, Jyn said, “Yes . . . is there a reason I shouldn’t be okay?”

Marisol flushed, her voice a little bit too high, “nope, everything’s fine.” She scurried out of the office.

Jyn frowned. _What the fuck was going on?_

Then Ethan walked in. He was eying her, as if looking at her in a new light.

“Hey Jyn.”

She looked up from her computer, eyeglasses perched on her nose, acknowledging him.

“Ummm . . . you seem busy today. Working on a project?” He glanced at her cell phone.

She glared at him. He was making idle chit chat which wasn’t normal. “Yes, big project. _I’m trying to avoid interruptions._ ” He lingered a bit in her door.

“Anything else, Ethan?”

“Nope.”

Ethan walked back to his desk, glancing at Marisol. She gave him a look and chatted him.

 _You idiot. You should have told her - she’s less likely to chew you out than us_.

Ethan chatted her back.

_No way, Jose. I’m not getting in front of that train wreck._

Marisol was trying to work up the nerve to approach Jyn when their office door, opened abruptly.

The smell of Old Spice filled the air.

Han Solo had just walked in. Han was the university’s chief fundraiser. He had charm, wit and swagger that just about knocked the money out of both men and women alike. Han technically should have been Jack’s number two but he didn’t want all the responsibility. Hence why everything was always dumped on Jyn. Of course Han got paid more which still rankled with Jyn.

Marisol was mentally preparing herself for the impending war. Jyn and Han got along but it was a tenuous peace. Any little spark could ignite the hellfire between those two. Jyn could handle mostly anyone but Han knew how to get under her skin.

“Erso! I’ve been trying to get ahold of you and you’re ignoring me! Where’s that report?”

Jyn’s eyes flashed green with irritation. “You know Solo - maybe if you had given me more than three hours to get it done, it’d be fucking done.”

“Well maybe if you were around more often and not off prancing around kissing that boyfriend of yours for the whole world to see, you’d have more time.”

Jyn stilled. _How did Han know about Cassian?_

Marisol wanted to crawl under her desk.

Ethan wanted to punch Solo.

Lindsey wanted to make popcorn.

Jyn glared at Solo, still not knowing what the fuck he was talking about. If looks could kill, Solo wouldn’t necessarily be dead, but he’d be begging for a bullet to the head.

Han, of course, being oblivious to the death that was surrounding him went on. “I can’t believe you let a photo get taken. Of all people. Ha! And that little number you were wearing,” he said, eying her salaciously, “who would’ve thought?”

Ethan finally had to speak up. “Hey man, that’s enough.” Han looked at Ethan. The office normally wasn’t a model of what not to do for workplace violence but Solo tended to bring out the aggressiveness in people. While both men were of the same height, Ethan had youth ( _and his nice muscular arms_ ) on his side.

“Erso, I need that report by end of day.” Then he walked out as abruptly as he walked in.

Jyn turned to the group. “WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?”

Everyone winced. Marisol finally handed her phone to Jyn.

It was a photo of her and Cassian. A bit grainy but revealing. It was in Hawaii, the day they spent at the beach. They were kissing and his hands were on her hips, with the stings of her bikini bottom falling through his fingers. She was cupping his face with her hands. It was a moment that was intimate and should’ve been private.

She looked at Marisol. Tough, Devil-wears-Prada Jyn, looked fearful. “Does it . . . “ she gulped, “ . . . is my name . . .” She couldn’t finish the sentence.

Ethan piped up. “No, no name. It just says rumored girlfriend.”

Jyn breathed a sigh of relief. “How did you guys get it?”

They all looked at each other, guiltily.

Lindsey was the first one to speak up. “We all put Cassian under a Google alert.”

Jyn shook her head. She was upset about the photo but was glad her name didn’t come up anywhere in the article. Cassian had told her he wasn’t that big of a star in the U.S. Only in Mexico. _Phew_. When they would go out, it was very rare for them to get interrupted. Every now and then he would get asked for an autograph, but it hadn’t been as invasive as she thought. She had nothing to worry about.

Then Marisol said, “So are you excited that Cassian’s going to be in the new Star Wars trilogy?”

 

* * *

Cassian was panicking. It wasn't like Jyn to not pick up the phone. He knew he was up shit creek with her. He should of told her but he couldn't! She had been so hesitant in starting their relationship that he was worried she would run. He knew that she was worried - how many actors dated “normal” people she had told him. But there was something else he couldn't put his finger on. He knew she didn't mind his work but he got the sense she was afraid of something- he knew she had abandonment issues - with everything that had happened to her he didn't blame her. His phone was blowing up with congrats from friends - he could've cared less - he needed to see her.

Cassian drove to her house. He saw her car out front and rang the doorbell but no one answered. He heard a movement in the backyard. Going through the gate, he found Jyn outside, curled up in one of her lounge chairs. She had built a small fire and was staring quietly at the flames.

“Hey.”

She looked up. He could tell she had been crying - her eyes a startling blue against the redness.

_There's vanity in misery._

She rubbed her eyes, hoping to hide the fact she'd been crying.

“Congratulations,” she said, tiredly. “This is big, yeah?”

Cassian had been expecting screams, violence and physical aggression. He wasn't expecting this.

Cassian nodded his head yes. “Uh yeah, kind of big. When I found out that it would hit today, I tried to call you."

Jyn stilled.

“Oh. So you knew before?”

Uh oh. He had presumed she knew that he knew before. He grimaced - Jyn thought he had just found out.

Fuck.

“How long?”

He stayed quiet.

“Cassian, how long did you know about this and not bother to tell me?”

His voice was small. “A couple of months ago.”

“So September?”

He hesitated.

“Cassian a couple of months is two months. A few is 3-4. Several is 5-6. What is it? A couple, few or several?”

“I found out in June.”

She flinched. “When we were in Hawaii?”

He nodded.  
  
“Jyn, I'm sorry - I should've told you. I had an NDA and we had just met.”  
  
She stayed quiet.  
  
He would've welcomed her rage, her sneakiness or anything compared to the coldness.  
  
“Honey . . .," He reached out grabbing her hand. “Don't shut me out.”  
  
Wrong words to say in retrospect.  
  
She looked up at him, eyes glittering. “Shut you out?” She mocked. “I'm not the one who's been lying and keeping secrets. What was it you said? No big movies in the US? What the fuck do you think this?”

“I never lied,” Cassian said.

“Yeah you never lied but you sure as hell didn't tell me the truth.”  
  
Cassian had it.

“You want to know why? You want to have this conversation now?” Jyn looked at him defiantly.

“Fine!” he said. “I never told you because I knew you'd run. I'd rather have you no matter what even if it meant I couldn't tell you. It's not like you're the easiest person to get to know. Shit Jyn! I had to find out from your boss of all fucking people that your sisters - yeah plural - I know, died. I can’t believe you never told me that.” He stopped pausing for breath.

Jyn, shocked, paled, covered her mouth with her hand, gasping. “That wasn’t for Jack to share.”

Cassian looked hurt. “It . . . he thought I already knew. But Jyn, the first time I saw you, I wanted to know you. But you never let me in.”

“Cass - I . . .” Jyn tried to interrupt

“No let me finish,” Cassian said. " I know we know each other," he said intimately, his eyes roving over her, his anger turning dark with desire. "But you won't  let me in and I can't figure out why. These past months have been amazing but I feel like you’re holding back. I feel like you’re not letting me in.”

Jyn stayed quiet looking out at the city lights. The silence between them stretched.  
  
"I'm afraid," she whispered. "Of getting too attached. Of not being enough."  
  
Everything clicked for Cassian. She had been left by her family, left by her husband. She was afraid of getting left again.  
  
“Honey,” - he turned her around, “you're more than enough for me.”

Jyn looked up at him, her green-blue-grey eyes searching his, hopeful but then she smiled sadly. “Cassian - your you. You have this personality that people just gravitate to you. Your handsome, your . . .” Unable to find the words she was looking for . . . "you have this personality that everyone loves you. And I know I'm a good catch but compared to you, I’m just this widowed baseball mom. Before this and you and this role, I thought just maybe, this could work. But now, I don't want you to feel held back by me.”

“Jyn,” Cassian tried to interrupt.

“No let me finish. You have so much more you can do and I don't want you turning things down because you feel obligated to me or that you want to stay local. I know you’ve been turning down roles. You think I don’t hear conversations or catch the odd news piece every now and then?”  
  
“You're not an obligation. Relationships aren't obligations," he stubbornly said.  
  
“No they're not but how are we going to do this? I'm sure filming will be what a year long? And definitely not here in LA. And you know what this will lead too, right? More high profile films. Cass . . . I don’t want you giving things up because of me. I don’t want you turning stuff down because of me not wanting to be in the spotlight. How often will we see each other? How often will the boys see you? What happens when you’re _couple of years in LA_ are done,” she snarled, throwing his words in Hawaii back at him. “You haven’t even bothered to find a place to stay permanently.”

Cassian stayed quiet.  
  
“It's not that I expect you to be with me 24/7. God - I’d probably kill you if we were together that often. I just . . . I have to look out for the boys and Katy. I can handle my heart getting broken but I won’t tolerate their heart breaking. We’ve been through too much.”

Cassian’s temper flew. “You think you have to protect yourself? How do you think I feel? I’ve laid myself and my feelings out on the line and you’re the one that holds back. I’ve never held back my feelings for you. You're trying to find an excuse. You keep holding back, you don’t let me get to know you. You’re so afraid of committing, of opening yourself up. And I get it. Nobody should have to go through what you’ve gone through but let me be there. I’m willing to do whatever it takes - whether it means a long distance relationship or Skype sex or whatever, but I want you and your family in my life. We can make this work.”  
  
Jyn stayed quiet. He could see her shoulders trembling and all the emotions running through her face. Worried that if she decided now, he would lose her he did what he knew would get her to respond to something.

He cupped her face and kissed her. It wasn’t their usual, soft, exploratory kisses. This one was hard, demanding. There was no air. No time to breathe. This one felt like it could be their last.  
  
And it was. Jyn broke off the kiss.

She couldn’t look him in the eyes. If she did, she would give in.

“I don’t think I can do this.”

Cassian didn’t believe her. He couldn’t believe her. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that.” Jyn’s head stayed low.

“Damnit Jyn. Look at me! Tell me you don’t want me.” Cassian demanded.

She looked up at him, her eyes grey, holding a storm of emotions. She could do this. She had to be strong for the both of them.

“I don’t. I don’t want you.”

Cassian’s heart shattered. He knew she was emotional right now and wasn’t thinking straight but his heart hurt.

He knew they belonged together - whether it was now, next year or five years from now, they would be together. He just needed to give her time.

Cassian kissed her hard one last time and walked out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn uses work as a distraction to avoid her misery.

_About three months later . . ._

Another crazy day. Jyn pinched the bridge of her nose. Auditors were here, the gala was getting closer, reports were being prepared for donors, etc. Jack was a grump because sponsorships hadn't started pouring in yet.

Jyn had thrown herself into work. It was the only way she could deal. She was working on a few pressing reports when she got a call from Leia Organa, their special events director. Leia was a bucket of pint-sized fire but considering her crazy job, she wasn’t too bad to work with. Jyn recalled an article she read one time where event planners ranked in the top five of most stressful jobs. _Nice - Leia’s job was rated just as stressful as military generals and cops. Just great.  
_

“I need to see you ASAP.” Leia demanded over the phone.

Jyn was used to Leia - she could be a pain in the ass but she got her shit done.

“Sure - want me to go over there?” Jyn calmly replied, her mellowness irritating Leia even more.

“Yes. Now.”

_YES MAAM, Jyn thought._

Jyn decided to walk to Leia’s office which was on the other side of campus. She passed by the water fountain where her and Cassian had first sat together months ago. God how she missed him. She tried not to think of him too much.

Out of sight, out of mind.

But then the fucker had to send her flowers on Valentine’s day. Not roses but an assortment of sunflowers, daisies, and orange blossoms. There were two orchids perched in the mix of these wildflowers. She hadn’t put much thought other than that she loved them, the flowers. They were different and unique. Leaving work that night with the flowers, she happened by one of the landscaping crew. _Someone went to a lot of effort on that arrangement, Ms. Erso_. Jyn politely thanked them and went home to google the flowers. The meaning behind them stunned her, tears coming to her eyes. _Love, friendship, children, family._ She sent him a text to thank him for the flowers and his reply was short and sweet “Glad you liked them - maybe I can deliver some in person” she never replied back and he didn’t either.

She wished she had one last time, one last moment with him to tell him sorry and to take back her hurtful words that day but time is something she always seemed to run out of.

 _Why are you so upset? You’re the one that pushed him away._ The day she did that, she’ll never forget the pained look on his face. She could never forgive herself for that. Days like today though - it would be nice to hear his calm, reassuring voice. _Querida - don’t worry. It will work out, he would say._ He always had that “everything will work out” great attitude. She on the other hand beared the weight of the world. Why did she question her actions so much? Did the boys need to play sports so much? Should she focus on their academics? What if the auditors dinged her department? What if Katy decides to move abroad? Should she call her dad more? What about her brother?

(On second thought her brother could have both her middle fingers).

All this and more felt like such a heavy lift. There were days where she wished she could just say fuck it and not deal with it all.

She arrived at Leia’s office in a worse mood.

She threaded her way through the crowded suite - statues, props, mirrors, lights, all decorated the busy office, to be used in the many events they had to plan.

Leia was on the phone when Jyn got to her desk. She held her hand up as if to halt her from going any further. Jyn ignored it, sat down, propped her feet on the desk (earning a glare from Leia) and helped herself to Leia’s leftover lunch.

This earned her a raised fist.

“Doesn’t that rat shit boss of yours let you take a lunch?” Leia said as she hung up the phone. Jyn stifled a laugh. Jack and Leia had a falling out a couple of years ago and barely tolerated each other. Leia hated doing events with him. Han was another one that Leia couldn’t stand. Jyn secretly wondered if they got it on but even she wasn’t brave enough to ask that question. She valued her life too much.

“Sooo, what’s up, Leia. Why all the urgency?”

“We have a problem with the gala.”

Jyn stayed calm. Leia was known for her theatrics. “What's the problem?” she asked, her voice neutral.

“Well I don't know who selected the date but whoever did just fucked themselves with a cactus branch because I have no entertainment.”

Jyns eyes narrowed. Okay this was a problem. “What do you mean we don't have entertainment? This event has been on the calendar for a year - the music department was well aware of the expectation that students would be performing,” she replied coldly.

“Well apparently when they committed nobody thought they would place in the collegiate music finals - which are the date of the gala.”

“Fuck,” Jyn said leaning back in her chair. “You tell Jack yet?”

Leia stayed quiet.

“Mother fucker, you haven't? He's going to shit a thunderstorm.”

Leia looked down. “Well . . . I have another idea for entertainment.”

(That should have been the first clue for Jyn).

“Leia - last time we went with your back up entertainment, you lit a firework inside the ballroom of the Hyatt and we’re banned from ever going back.”

“It wasn't a firework,” Leia defended, “it was a chemistry experiment. It was part of the performance.”

There was no point in arguing with her. “Okay,” Jyn relented, “what's your back-up?” Jyn cracked her knuckles, thinking. _They_ could get away with professional performers and just say that they were students. Jyn walked ( _not a crooked line_ ) but a bent one sometimes.

“Well . . . We can highlight alumni achievement - get a really strong singer, some good music, one or two speeches about how fucking amazing our students are and call it a day. We can do it up really classy.”

Jyn sat up, interested. “Okay . . . I'm listening. But how are you going to find someone at this late of a date?”

Leia squirmed. She never squirms. Realization dawned on Jyn. “No. No fucking way. I'm not doing it. You know I hate performing.”

“C’mon Jyn. Your amazing and the crowd loves you. Every year the donors ask when you are going to perform again.”

“Uh uh. I have too much on my plate.”

“Please - you're my only hope.”

“Nope.”

“Well then you're going to have to give the bad news to Jack.”

“Awww fuck, Leia, c’mon.”

“Just three sets that's all I ask.”

“Three sets? Are you crazy? No way.”

“Two sets. Four songs.”

“No - one song. Small interlude with student highlights then two songs.”

“Fine - but those songs better fucking blow people's minds.”

“Fine.”

Jyn trudged back up to the office . . . Another pound of burden added to her shoulders. Now she had to figure out what songs.

She passed by the water fountain on her way back. _Sad, break-up songs sound good right about now, she thought sadly._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So not an expert on flowers but found the jist of what I was hoping they would represent.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn gets upsetting news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forewarning- chapter does have a child getting hurt.

Another work meeting. Another yawn. Jyn was desperately trying to pay attention to the content but she was exhausted. Year end was right around the corner and events season had already started.

She looked up when Marisol opened the door to the conference room, interrupting the meeting.

_Hmm that's rare._

Marisol had a worried look on her face which then made Jyn worry. Marisol had a rectangular object in her hand which she handed to Jyn.

Marisol whispered at her. “Call your son’s school asap! Your phone has been blowing up,” she hissed.

Jyn jumped up, wide awake and rushed out the room. Jack looked up concern, worry in his eyes.

A million things were running through Jyn’s mind. _A fight? She was praying it wasn't an active shooter._ She called the school’s secretary.

The secretary sounded flustered. "Hi - I don't want you to panic -,” Jyn cut her off, “well I'm fucking panicking.”

“Teddy was hit by a car and he's on his way to the hospital. They were -”

Jyn took a deep breath and interrupted her again. “I don't care what happened-what hospital?”

“St. Francis, he. . .” Jyn hung up before the stuttering secretary could finish the sentence.

Marisol saw Jyn pale.

Jyn ran to her office grabbed her purse. “Tell Jack I'm out. Teddy was hit by a car. I . . . don't even know how bad it is I need to go,” she forced out, her thoughts a jumbled mess.

“You want me to go with you?” Marisol saw her hands shaking. “You shouldn't be driving.”

“I'm fine. Just . . . Pray.”

Marisol - ever the faithful Catholic, made the sign of the cross and prayed, grabbed her keys and followed Jyn out.

Marisol directed Jyn to her car.

“You’re not driving like this. Let me.”

She drove like a bat out of hell getting to the hospital. Jyn jumped out of the car and ran to the emergency room and found the kids principal, blood on her shirt, with a tear stained Jacob next to her. Jyn saw the blood, saw Jacob crying, and gasped, paled, covering her mouth with her hand. Pulling on all the strength she had in her,

(she literally was pulling on reserves because of all the fucked up shit that has happened to her, this was probably the worst),

She braced herself for the worst, lips quivering, her eyes watering, "Is he . . . -”

“He's going to be okay. It was close.” The principal looked down at her shirt and belatedly realized the horrifying picture her clothes were telling. “He hit his head, not hard but enough for a cut. Head wounds. . . they bleed more.”

“Ms. Erso, I’m so sorry, in all my years being a principal, this has never . . “ she cut herself off, waving to her shirt, not able to finish the sentence.

“His arm is broken and his head needed staples . . . no stitches. Just four.”

“What happened?” Jyn’s tone was sharp and demanding. She paid good money for them to go to a Catholic school, a private school, so they could be safe and well cared for. And for this to happen. She was going through the gamut of emotions from fear and grief to her temper going through the roof.

“We were going across the street to Church and he had his little kindergarten buddy. His little buddy was excited to be outside and ran in the street. Teddy saw the car coming and pushed the kid out of the way. Luckily the car saw him at the last minute and swerved but the fender nipped him. His arm broke his fall but then his head scratched the curb."

“The doctor?” Jyn asked.

“Is right here,” a voice said from behind. Jyn turned. “Your son is going to be just fine. He's in the queue to getting his arm casted right now. Luckily it was a clean break so it should heal just fine.”

Jyn didn't realize she had been holding her breath. She slowly exhaled. “Can I see him?” The doctor nodded. Jyn looked back at Marisol, her gaze telling her how grateful she was for her being here.

“Do you mind hanging out?” Jyn asked hesitantly.

“No problem.” Marisol took out her phone and made two calls while the doctor let Jyn through a maze of corridors to Teddy’s room.

Jyn opened the door. Teddy was sitting on the bed, smiling, eating an ice cream while the nurse was cleaning his head wound, being careful around the staples.

Relief flooded through her. She could breath. Then Jacob had to start in. “How come I don’t get an ice cream,” he borderlined whined, irritated that his brother was getting special treatment.

“Jacob! You’re not the one that got hit by a car.” Teddy snapped. Jyn had to stifle a laugh. Teddy only called Jacob by his full name when he was really bugged.

Jyn started to laugh - like serious full on belly laughs. The boys looked at her like she was crazy. She was barely holding it together - the stress of the past couple of months, not having _him_ around, the horrible thoughts that flew threw her head driving to the hospital. She was lucky she didn’t have a nervous breakdown yet. _Maybe I need to borrow some of Leia's secret stash of xanax_?

  
Jyn inspected Teddy’s staples. He was super excited about the staples and couldn't wait to show them off at school. The nurse raised her eyebrows as if to say _he wasn't that excited when he was getting them._

They waited patiently while Teddy was getting his arm in a cast. Jacob had stopped grumbling about the ice cream. But then would cast jealous glances at Teddy every now and then. The nurse gave her instructions for his care. Thankfully he had only grazed his forehead so Jyn didn't have to worry about a concussion.

“C’mon you guys, let’s take you home.”

They walked to the waiting room and abruptly stopped.

Speaking of _him_.

Cassian was sitting in the waiting room, a welcome sight in a sea of strangers, concern and anxiety pressed on his handsome face.

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn breaks down

"Hi"

“Hi”

Before she could say anything else like _what the fuck he was doing there_ the boys ran up to him. “Cassian,” they shouted in unison.

“Hey little dudes - what kind of trouble you two causing your mom?”

Jacob immediately said “not me”. Teddy went into the whole story - Cassian noticed Jyn visibly flinch when he said “and this car hit me and I heard my bone breaking but I didn't cry. I was tough.”

“You’re so brave,” Cassian said, complimenting him. Teddy beamed. Jacob frowned. “That was a very brave thing you did.”

“And you Jacob, you took care of your momma, huh?”

Jake grinned, smirking at Teddy.

Cassian looked over at Jyn standing to the side, her fist to her mouth. “How are you?,” he asked concern for her evident in his voice, and worry lines etched on his face.

Jyn was still processing the fact that Cassian was here, he came back for her? _Don't read too much into it, maybe he's just checking on the kids. He likes them_.

“Jyn?” Cassian asked, “you alright?” He noticed she was trying to focus but was betting she was trying to think of a million things.

“Marisol called me - she had to leave but wanted to make sure you weren't alone,” he explained as if he knew she was wondering why he was there.

“I'm fine, just, overwhelmed.” He noticed her lip started to tremble, “I thought - when the school told me - I . . .,” not wanting to verbalize it with the kids around, she stopped, looking up at him, her eyes glistening.

“Shh . . . Shh honey,” he said, drawing her into him. “It’s okay. They're both fine.”

She pulled back and looked up at him, her eyes again stunning him, the blue standing out with the tears in them. Cassian’s heart hurt for her. It seemed like every time he saw her, there were tears in her eyes.

“Thank you for coming. After what I - you didn't have to.”

Shaking his head, “Jyn, I'll always be here for you.” He saw her start to protest but cut her off. “We don't need to . . . do this now. Let me take you home.”

Cassian watched the kids while Jyn went to get the paperwork from the doctor.

The drive home was short. Jacob asked Cassian to stop for an ice cream since Teddy got one, he grumped. Cassian was still worried about Jyn. She was quiet, chiming in, when the kids would ask her questions. She was a sight for sore eyes. Fuck he missed her. He missed being around, he missed her kids. He missed them. Together. He felt like a part of him was missing. She looked tired - _fuck, Jack needs to stop working her so hard._ She needs rest. And Jyn was the type to not back down no matter how worn out she was.

They got to her house and Cassian didn't bother waiting for her to invite him in. _If he did he'd be waiting forever._ He held out his hand for her keys which she numbly placed in his hand.

The events of the day were starting to hit both boys. Teddy was balking at taking a bath - _I'm not a baby he had protested._ But given his cast, he didn't have any other options. And of course Jacob had to brag about taking a shower just because he knew it would irk him.

Cassian helped Jyn get the kids ready for bed. She was still quiet, numb almost. _She's barely holding it together._ He couldn't even imagine the angst she went through when she first got the call from the school.

Jyn hugged both boys tight before they went to bed. They were out within minutes. They looked so peaceful when they slept. She went over and kissed Teddy again, her eyes watering, thinking of the close call. _They're all I have._

_No, you have someone else too._

She walked out of their room, shut the door and started sobbing.

Cassian found Jyn huddled on the floor in the hallway crying. His heart broke at the sight of her.

“Oh honey,” he said, taking her in his arms. He picked her up and carried her to the couch, she clutching and weeping into his shirt. “Shhh . . . it’s okay,” he comforted, “I have you now.”

“Cassian if I had lost him, I couldn't handle it,” she jerked out in ragged breaths. “I've lost everyone I've loved. These two. Katy. You. You’re all I have left.” She broke down, deep sobs racking her chest.

She cried for her kids and her little boy that she almost lost today. She cried for their dad - violently hating him for always leaving and never coming back. She cried for her mom, still angry that she had to learn to be a mother on her own. And finally she cried for her sisters, who she missed more than anything else in the world. She cried for Cassian - this man who kept coming back for her and she kept pushing him away.

She wept, saying her thoughts out loud, finally opening up her heart to him.

It wasn’t until Cassian started drifting off to sleep that he realized she included him in the list of people she (had?) loved.

 

* * *

 

Cassian was laying on the couch, Jyn cuddled up to him. He drew lazy circles on her arm. He noticed when he tried to stop, she would shift and whimper. It was the middle of the night and he was starting to fall back asleep again when he felt a presence standing above him. Thinking it was one of the boys, he opened his eyes to find a much younger version of Jyn standing above him.

Katy.

Awkward.

She eyed him up and down.

“How's the fetus?”

Cassian was still processing not being asleep. “Fetus?” He was trying to translate the word into Spanish. . .

“Yes, fetus. Baby. The boys? They're like little fetuses to me. I got here as fast as I could.”

“Oh.”

“Well how are they?”

“Good - sleeping it off.”

“Okay I'm going to sleep - I've been driving the last six hours.”

“Six? I thought you were going to school in LA?”

She smiled at him. “I take it you haven’t hit the worst of LA traffic yet?”

Cassian grimaced. “Ugh.”

Katy sauntered to her room. “Tell my aunt that I hope I get the same privileges of men staying the night as apparently she does.”

Cassian laughed softly and fell back asleep.

  
Jyn woke up slowly, her head pounding and eyes gritty from last night’s sob fest. It was still dark outside - the clock on the cable box said 3am. She noticed she was on the couch and was warm and comfy and cozy. She moved to get off the couch when she felt an arm tighten around her waist.

Cassian.

The events of yesterday came flooding back. The phone call. The hospital. Seeing Cassian. Her break down.

That wasn’t supposed to happen. He was never supposed to see that layer of her. Nobody was. One person, one time saw that and she swore never again.

Cassian felt Jyn wake up. He could tell by the way she was stiffening up that she was regretting letting it all go last night.

“Relax,” he murmured in her ear. “It’s okay. I’m here.” He started murmuring sweet words into her ear. His heart broke when he could feel the wetness of her tears on his arm. He pulled the throw blanket over them, hugged her tighter, until she fell back asleep. His eyes grew moist, wishing there was a way he could take her pain away.

Jyn woke up to the smell of fresh coffee. Noting Cassian’s arms were still wrapped around her and that the boys had no idea how to operate the coffee machine, she figured Kate was home.

Looking at Cassian’s arm wrapped around her, just under her breasts, she grimaced. Not exactly something her twenty-one year old niece should be seeing. Nor something that she would let her forget either.

She gently unwrapped his arm - he growled low in his throat before turning around to face the couch snoring softly. Jyn studied his face - sharp, defined features that looked so peaceful when he was asleep. She was embarrassed about her episode the night before. He was bound to want answers and she needed to give those to him.

Making herself a cup of coffee and adding cream, she padded over to Kate’s room.

She knocked softly and walked in. Her niece was on the bed, iPad in hand, and earbuds plugged in.

“Hey sweetie.”

Kate raised her perfectly arched eyebrow, smirking at her aunt. Her eyes were more blue than Jyns, but she could definitely pass off as her daughter. Or baby sister, Jyn preferred to think (rather vainly), not wanting to age herself.

“Don't even go there,” Jyn said, glancing back towards the living room where Cassian was still sleeping. “I don't make a habit of this.”

“I didn't say a word.”

“You didn't have to. It was rough yesterday.”

Kate's expression softened. “Oh Auntie Jyn. I can't even. How are my little fetuses?”

“Good - thank God the car saw him at the last minute. I - when I first got the call . . . “

Her eyes started watering. Kate's lip started trembling thinking of the same thing. They both had suffered so much and had coped but Teddy’s accident yesterday just brought to the forefront how fragile they are. They both hugged each other tightly.

“Thank you for coming.”

“Looks like I'm not the only one who came,” Kate observed.

Jyn blushed.

“You two back together? Because when I came in last night you two looked less just friends and more friends with benefits.”

“No we’re not together. He heard and thought I might need some moral support.”

“Oh stop! Auntie Jyn, really? Put that poor man out of his misery and just do whatever he wants. Commit to him, date him, bone him, whatev. It's obvi he's in this for the long run. What's holding you back?”

Jyn just looked at Kate - then looked at the picture Kate kept on the nightstand.

Kate nodded in understanding. "You're worried about losing him . . . too."

She stayed quiet. “We've both lost so much I don't think I can bear to lose more.”

“But what's the point of living if you don't have someone to live and love for?”

There was a soft knock at the door interrupting the bonding moment between the two.

Cassian.

He looked a little bit shamefaced, most likely embarrassed Kate had caught him on the couch last night.

“Hi Cassian,” Kate drawled out, looking him up and down, embarrassing him further.

“Kathryn! Leave him alone,” chastised Jyn. Kate just gave Cassian a knowing smile.

“Cmon, Cass, let's leave her be.”

They went into the kitchen and Jyn fixed a cup of coffee for Cassian. She wanted to talk to him but couldn't bring herself to open up. Instead what came out was . . .

"Would you mind taking me to work to pick up my car?"

“Uh yeah sure.”

Jyn asked Kate to watch the boys. “Sure - take your time I'll be around all day.”

Jyn took a shower and dressed, putting on a pair of jeans and a pink sweater with flip flops. Cassian had to laugh at her So Cal lifestyle. It could be 30 degrees outside and the woman would still wear flip flops.

The drive to her work was quiet both deep in thought. Jyn knew she had to talk to him and would start to open her mouth and then close it. Finally she spit it out.

“Can we talk?”

Cassian glanced at her, keeping his eyes on the road. “Sure? Now? Want me to pull over? Hungry?”

“No, let's go to the beach.” She gave him the directions.It was a small section of sand that didn’t have much development around it and you could enjoy the beach and the sunrise and sunset in peace.

“About last night . . . “

“Jyn, if you're not ready to talk, you don't have to. I don't want to force you.”

“No, it's okay. I'm not ready and doubt I ever will be but I need you to understand.”

“I . . . you know a little bit, right? That I had two sisters?”

  
Cassian nodded.

“They were,” - she bit back the tears. “They were everything to me. My brother, Callen, and my two sisters Jamie and Jessica - Kate's mom- we’re all close in age and then my mom had me - late in life baby. My mom, and nothing bad about her, but she had raised three kids at such a young age. She thought she was done raising kids and then I come along 12 years later screaming for attention. Oh but my sisters they loved me. I was like their baby. I remember doing more things with my sisters than my mom. _She was just done._ We had summer beach trips which was our tradition- they would break me out of preschool or school when I got older and we would just take random trips to the beach.” Jyn smiled ruefully, “I started doing that with Kate as soon as she was out of diapers. I idolized them. But as they got older and high school and college, I felt that I was left out. They would go off with their friends to parties and games. I was 12 and they were in their 20s experiencing life. I was so far behind them. But they always came back for our beach trips. I guess that's why I like the beach so much. It reminds of when times were simpler and fun and not messy.”

She swallowed and took a deep breath.

“I don't know how much you know but they were all together when they died. They and my mom and my brother’s wife, Eve, were going on a girls weekend up to Napa. I was supposed to go - the boys were still babies- Jacob was almost two and Teddy just over one. Teddy got sick and Alec was insisting he had to go to work and I didn't want to have to deal with him if I left him with the kids. Plus I couldn't leave Jacob sick. I just felt bad. Kate stayed behind with me.”

Cassian didn't know what to say. Instead he just grabbed her hand and held it.

Jyn took a deep breath and continued. “I . . . I never told anyone this. I was on the phone with them. They called to see how Jacob was doing and they were driving through the Grapevine. There was a truck driver . . . fell asleep, I guess. I heard them. I heard the crash, and the screams and the explosion and then the phone went dead.”

She was shaking at this point, twisting the sleeves of her sweater, trying to find comfort in her death grip. Cassian grabbed her hands and kissed them, bringing them to his chest. Understanding flashed across Cassian’s face remembering their trip to Northern California during the summer. Jyn, knowing what he was thinking, said, “Yeah - that's why I don't like to drive through there.”  
  
“Nearly my whole family was taken away from me in one fell swoop. My mom, my sisters, my sister in law who was like another sister to me. That's why I'm so scared of . . . us. I was happy, life was good. I mean Alec and I had our issues but I still had my sisters. And we would talk and visit and everything was just right. When I lost them I lost myself. I . . . felt abandoned, as if there was nobody left that understood me. The happy, carefree me had to be left behind. I had to grow up.”

“Cassian,” she looked at him - her eyes begging and pleading, “I'm so scared of being happy again. My boys and Kate and . . .,” she took a deep breath, “and you, it’s like having my heart outside my body, exposed, fragile, waiting for it to be hurt.”

“After the accident - my dad, brother and I went our separate ways. We still talk but it's more of a relationship that requires effort which none of us are willing to do. We get together for holidays and such and the boys visit my dad often. I love them but it's hard for all of us to express ourselves. I think we were so caught up in our own grief that we didn't know how to give each other solace. I didn't realize until yesterday- and this was just a hint- of what my dad was going through. I lost my mom and my sisters. My dad lost more - the love of his life and his children.”

She paused send swallowed. . . “When yesterday with Teddy those few minutes where I didn't know, I . . . “

She clutched his shirt for comfort and he gathered her tighter in his arms, tears falling down both of their faces.  
  
They sat there quietly on the sand watching the waves, Cassian hugging her as tight as he could, afraid to let go.

 

* * *

  
Jyn was tired - they both were sitting watching the waves but she wasn't done. Talking about her sisters had opened up a flood of emotions in her . . . emotions she had kept suppressed for 10 years.

Cassian broke the silence. "How was Alec through all this?" He didn't understand how Jyn could not have shared her grief with her husband at the time.

Jyn replied carefully not wanting to speak ill of him. "You know already that Alec and I were having problems.” She smiled bitterly, remembering. "When the accident happened he was up north and he didn't even try to get down here as fast as possible. I think that's when I knew it was over. Plus I agreed to raise Kate and he was upset about that.He didn’t understand that Kate was the last piece of my sister I had. Then he died. We were so estranged from each other - I was upset, I missed the man I met and he gave me my precious boys but I was still too detached after my sisters that when he died, it was just like going through the motions.”

Cassian didn't even know what to say. He had come to care for Jyn’s boys and couldn't imagine not being around them. How could their own dad not want to be with them or Jyn? Especially when she needed him the most. These past few months when they weren't together were the worst for him. She was like the sun to him, bringing light and joy into his life.

“I'm sorry,” he said thickly. “I'm sorry I . . .didn’t understand before when we broke . . “

She smiled at him sadly. “It's not your fault. I should've talked to you instead of pushing you away. But it was too new for me and scary . . .”

"Are you still scared now?" His face smooth betraying the anxiety he felt underneath

She was quiet for a moment. “A bit,” she murmured. She turned to face him. “Cassian, I . . . you mean so much to me but I am scared. I don’t know if I can do this . . . Us.”

Cassian held his breath. “Can’t do us ever or just not right now?"

Jyn paused. His face looked so hopeful.

"Not right now," she breathed.

“I can wait,” he said as he leaned down and captured her lips. "I can wait." She kissed him back, pouring her emotions into that kiss. He cupped her face and murmured again "I will always wait for you Jyn Erso."


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn's in limbo and avoiding adulting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all the kind comments. Jyn is a bit of a mess right now but hopefully she'll straighten out soon.

It was near the end of March and they were a couple of months away from the gala. Jack was a grump - it was a high level presidential event and the shit would hit the fan if it wasn't a success. Jyn had been avoiding picking songs to perform, ignoring Leia’s calls for a set list, and instead focused on finding prospects for the event. She wanted to talk to Jack about a potential alum prospect but found he wasn't in the office. Looking at his calendar she noticed he had a meeting but it was marked private. _Hmm odd she thought. Usually Marisol and her had full access to see everything._

She went to Marisol's office. “Mari, who does he have lunch with? I need him ASAP.”

Marisol had a horrible poker face. “Umm he didn't tell me.”

“Liar! He always tells you because he's too fucking lazy to schedule his own meetings.”.

“Not true!”

“Yes it is true. Why would it be hidden from my view -.” Jyn realized belatedly why. “Where are they?” she demanded.

 

Jack had asked Cassian to lunch. He wanted  to revisit his interest in a guest lecture series next year and then get him thinking about a gala sponsorship. Ulterior motive was to talk about Jyn. Jack was worried. Jyn was throwing herself into her work which usually meant she was avoiding something. He had been working with her for so long that he knew every trick in the book with her. When her sisters passed away, he would find her working late at night with the boys asleep in their play pen in her office. When her husband died, same thing except she converted a room in her home into a home office. When Talia his wife died of cancer, she started working double hours, enrolled the boys in extra sports, and avoided all personal attachments because she was too busy. Lately he would find her working late, or responding to email in the middle of the night. This all started after Teddy’s accident. He didn't know what exactly happened but he had heard the office gossip about Cassian showing up at the hospital.

The met at a restaurant downtown. Jack had already ordered a bottle of wine. They chatted casually before the subject of Jyn came up.

"You talked to Jyn lately? Jack asked casually.

"Not really. She's got a slave driver for a boss so it's been hard."

Jack nodded in understanding. "You do realize that she's the boss and orders me around?"

Cassian chuckled lightly.

“You know Jyn's been working for me since she was 18?” Cassian stayed quiet. “She started off as a student assistant, all cocky and sure of herself. I was new here, starting the fundraising program but had no resources. She liked to do research and gave me a list of alumni to contact. Within a year, those alums were giving. Within three years they had doubled their giving. I made a case to bring Jyn on part time while she still stayed in school. She had a way of studying people, their habits,their giving and used that to predict if they would be a good donor. As I was promoted, I always brought Jyn along with me. I've been through every stage of her life - from her graduation, to her marriage, to her kids, to losing her family. She was there for me when my wife died of cancer.”

He paused, looking hard at Cassian.

“I tell you this because Jyn has a habit of withdrawing into herself when she doesn’t want to confront things head on. This .. . with you - she's been different. I noticed it last fall and thought finally she's met someone that she can be herself. She has this fire in her, this life that is just dying to come out but every time when she finds a bit of happiness, something happens and she's afraid to get that spark going again. Right now she lives and breathes for Kate and the boys but she needs something for herself.”

He frowned, trying to be careful about his next words. “I never liked her husband. I guess he was good for her at the time.”

He smiled lightly. “Jyn’s college years were a bit of a trial for both of us.”

Jack thought of the times she would come in hungover and wearing the clothes from the night before obviously having done the walk of shame across campus to get to her job. He missed that Jyn sometimes, the one that didn't have the weight of the world on her shoulders.

He continued. “She met Alec at a time where she needed something steady. But he was too stoic, emotions kept on a tight leash, that she wasn’t herself around him, like her fire was slowly dying to a smouldering ember.”

“So why are you telling me this?” Cassian asked, trying to be patient but uncomfortable with the conversation.

"I tell you this because if you're not in this for the long run and I mean the long run, Cassian, then you need to walk away now. She can't handle another disappointment in her life. Walk away while she can still recover and move on. Being with her and then not being with her and then showing up, is only going to hurt her more."

Cassian was getting pissed. "What makes you think that it's me? Believe me I'm fucking trying but she's locked down like Fort Knox. It also doesn’t help that you dump and dump and dump on her and she can never catch a break and just breathe."

Cassian was about to go on when Jack looked at a text on his phone. He grimaced slightly and then said "we’re about to have company . . ."

Both looked up to see Jyn - in that navy suit Cassian liked, walking into the restaurant, eyeing the place, looking for them. She looked furious. Cassian had half a mind to hide to avoid a confrontation but then he noticed the look on Jack's face. He could've been looking into a mirror.

"How long have you been in love with her?" He asked quietly. Jack took a sip of his wine bracing himself for the hurricane that was about to approach.

Instead of responding, he asked one in turn "When are you going to tell her that you are?"

  
Jyn approached the table, fire flashing in her eyes. "Sooo . . . you two are having a liquid lunch and nobody invited," she asked as she grabbed Jack's glass of wine and took a drink, sitting down and not handing it back to him.

She was livid for many reasons probably the most petty being that she wished she could just take a lunch and have a drink and not have a care in the world. But instead she was running from meeting to meeting, dealing with stupid people and trying to solve everyone's problems.

Cassian stiffened when he saw her grab Jack's drink. _Why didnt she take mine? He thought petulantly._

“So . . . what trouble are you two stirring up?” Jyn asked, a little bit calmer after drinking most of Jack’s glass of wine.

Neither one of them had any clue what to say. For Cassian being an actor, he was fucking horrible at real life spur of the moment lies. Jack chimed in . . .

“Well . . . I told you how the theater department wanted to bring in a faculty in residence next year, somebody that was recognizable so they can attract more students. I thought Cassian might be interested . . .”

“Don't you remember he'll be away filming next year,” she replied, a bit too edgy for Cassian's taste.

“Filming is only for eight months,” Cassian chimed in.

Jyn sighed . . . she didn't want Cassian to think she was behind this. Here she was trying to give him space so she can figure out her feelings and get her head on straight and then Jack was pulling him back in.

The waitress came to the table and asked if they wanted anything else. Taking advantage, Jyn ordered a bottle of prosecco. _Let Jack figure out how to expense this one._ Cassian raised his eyebrows at Jyn's order. "You eat lunch, yet?" he asked carefully, not wanting to patronize but knowing full well she hardly ever ate lunch.

She glared at him - deliberately taking another drink of the wine. She had a granola bar around 11:00, that was lunch.

“Yep -”

  
“ - and not a granola bar?” Cassian caught her mid-truth.

She bit her lip.

Cassian distracted by the lip biting forgot momentarily what he asked.

Jack in the meantime, ordered a basket of french fries for them to munch on.

"What else were you two talking about?” Jyn asked, a little bit emboldened by her second glass of wine.

Cassian had turned back to his actor self and wanting to get Jack more in trouble said, "Jack, here, was asking if I wanted to do a sponsorship for the gala," he said, proud of his little fib.

Glares - Jyn at Jack, Jack at Cassian and Cassian just preening.

Jyn leaned towards Jack. "You and I are going to have a conversation later,” she whispered towards him.

Cassian stopped preening and frowned when he saw her lean into Jack. "Here have some more wine," Jack said.

The waitress came with fries. Cassian pushed those to Jyn, discreetly moving her glass of wine away from her. "Eat."

"So what did you say?,” Jyn’s eyes were wide, smiling looking at Cassian, the navy suit accentuating her blue eyes.

“To what,” Cassian asked, still struck by her eyes.

"the sponsorship, silly?"

"He said yes," Jack chimed in, at the same time Jyn said " you should say no."

Cassian looked a bit hurt.

“Jack, it's inappropriate. No personal relationships with donors, remember?” she said pointedly looking at Jack.

Jack looked away ruefully. “Hey, she wasn't a donor,” he defended himself.

“Hmmm, no but the corporation she worked for sure was."

"Didn't think you guys were in one,” he remarked.

Jyn said, "we're not” at the same time Cassian said "not yet..”

Jack raised his eyebrows. Cassian again looked like a wounded puppy dog. Jyn poured another glass for the table.

They bantered back and forth for a while. Cassian observing the dynamic between the two. He had always felt sure of himself but seeing the friendship between the two . . . he knew Jyn wouldn't go there but wondered if Jack had a chance? This little green eyed monster was coming out. He felt his thoughts going down a dark path. Jyn was so easygoing around Jack, she smiled, she laughed. She held back so much with Cassian. The only time he could see her emotions was when they made love - which frankly had been too long in his humble opinion, as he unconsciously crossed his legs.

He heard Jyn say, “Yes, we had sex erefore a personal relationship."

 _Oh fuck did I just think out loud?_ Cassian could feel his neck and face starting to go red. Jack's eyebrows were raised to his forehead.

Nope he didn't think out loud - they were still having some type of silly argument about inappropriateness between them and donors.

_They should think about inappropriateness between boss and employee, Cassian thought brattily._

“Well since you seem to think that we're not in one now, then it's okay for me to give?”Cassian asked, getting out his wallet.

Jack looked hopeful.

Hurt then cold ice flashed across Jyn’s face. Then a sly smile. "Remember no personal relationships between donors. Ever."

Cassian put his wallet away.

Jack frowned.

Jyn poured more wine.

Cassian's cell phone went off - it was his agent. Politely excusing himself, he took the call.

“Hey Cass, got a new gig for you.”

“Draven, I’m slammed right now.” Cassian really liked his agent - he had been with him since he was a child but he had been overbooking him lately. _Am I being overbooked or is it that I just want more time for other things._ He looked at Jyn through the restaurant window as he thought this.

“How do you feel about being the new poster boy for Corona?”

Cassian stopped. “Corona, seriously?”

“Yup, all you have to do is agree to do some social responsibility ads, commercials, etc.”

Cassian frowned. Draven was overgeneralizing . . . he sounded a little bit too lax over what he had to do.

“What’s the timeframe?”

“Well . . . with your schedule and everything, I’m thinking you would do the ads end of summer, before you leave to shoot your film." 

Cassian looked back at Jyn, mentally calculating the time away from her. He knew, he just knew that she wouldn’t want him to pass this up but then he was becoming attached, he didn’t want to lose time with her or the boys.

(But really, why was he giving it this much thought, when supposedly they weren't even together.. He felt like such a teenager.)

He walked back into the restaurant after telling Draven to sign the paperwork and found Jyn and Jack deep in conversation, heads close to each other, talking. He didn’t know how he didn't see it before - Jack’s affection for her. Now it was obvious. He was trying to hold the jealousy at bay. God forbid Jyn see it - what little chance he has with her would be gone.

“So what are you two conspiring about now?” he said, interrupting them.

“I was just giving her the good news that the university’s president has officially blessed our international fundraising initiative,” Jack proudly announced, his peacock feathers in full fluff mode.

Jyn was super excited. “That’s great news. Where are we starting off? With our Japanese, Latin American or French programs?"

Jack casually took a sip of wine. “Saudi Arabia. We have a board member who can help us out.”

The excitement fell from Jyn’s face. “What board member?" She asked, her voice 20 degrees cooler than before.

Jack gave Jyn a _Do-you-really have to ask_ look.

Cassian was confused. Jyn poured more wine. Jack sat back and observed.

“Damon.”

Jyn was good at hiding her emotions from people - he had been through the wringer with them. What she wasn’t good at was hiding her tells - a bitten lip, a slight hand movement to cover a frown or brief blink, and Cassian knew she wasn’t being up front. When she bit her lip (which always turned him on), then rubbed her lips to cover the frown and look down to avoid anyone looking at her eyes (all at the mention of this Damon person), he knew it wasn’t good.

“Who’s Damon?” Cassian inquired.

Both replied at the same time.

“Jyn’s ex.” From Jack

“Just a board member.” Of course this came from Jyn.

Cassian raised his eyebrows at the two different answers. He hoped he would never be in the _just a_ category with Jyn.

Jyn realizing Jack outed her ( _Leia was right when she called him a rat bastard_ ) explained to Cassian, “Damon was on our board, we dated for a while, broke up, he pops up every now and then.” Realizing she wasn’t going to discuss this any further, Cassian took that answer, filed it away for clarification later on (when he could get her to fucking talk), and then moved on to a different subject that he knew they would all enjoy.

“How about that Dodger game last night?”

 

* * *

 

Four hours later,, they all agreed Jack shouldn’t drive. Jyn had stopped drinking after glass three and was sober. Cassian, who had picked up Jack at the university, dropped him off at home with Jack drunk texting Marisol that she needed to “prick him rup tomorrow.” Marisol’s response made Jyn die laughing. “Okay Scooby Doo, should I pick up Scrappy (aka Jyn) too?” Jyn shook her head - she could walk to work.

Jyn was still giggling as Cassian wound his way through the city streets. He hadn’t heard her laugh in such a long time, he was gulping it up like fresh air. They laughed and joked and then Cassian said something that made Jyn punch his arm (hard - ow!) and he grabbed her hand and laced his fingers with hers. A shock of electricity jolted through him the minute their hands touched. The laughter stopped and Jyn just stared at his hand, sucking in her breath. He lazily drew circles on her wrist. He was driving so he didn’t notice the reaction she was having.

He pulled up to her driveway and turned to tell her bye. Before he could get a word out, she grabbed his face and kissed him, her lips clashing against his, tongue probing, begging to let her in.

Cassian shocked at first, then excited, responded hungrily, pulling her close to him resting his hands on her back, drawing her in.

He pulled away, taking a breath.

“Come inside?”

“The kids?”

“Science camp.”

“Are you sure you want this?”

“Cassian do you want to have sex or not?” He kissed her hard in response.

She had barely closed the door before he slammed her up against it, kissing her hungrily. It had been so long. It was like finding that last piece of the puzzle to be complete. She wrapped her legs around him and he lifted her up, anchoring her against the wall, her skirt riding up to her hips. He kissed her face, her neck, his stubble rough over her skin but sending shots of pleasure down her spine. Jyn reached between them, undoing his belt and pants. Cassian couldn't wait -he didn't bother removing her panties, he moved them to the side and guided himself in, peppering her neck with kisses, murmuring against her skin. She was so slick, wet, her heat enveloping him like a southern storm. They moved slowly but hard, Jyn riding him until they both came, spent with release.

He slowly let her down, her body sliding down against his.

“Jyn,” he murmured against her neck.

“Hmmm,” she breathed out lazily, still absorbed in him.

“Bed?”

“Uh huh.”

He quickly swung her up in his arms, and she shrieked, laughing into his neck.

 

  
Jyn woke up slowly- it was cold and dreary outside and she just wanted to snuggle in her blankets.

Which she did.

And snuggled right into the warm body next to her.

_Uh oh._

Cassian had stayed the night. She remembered him getting up to leave . . .

_They had dozed off and on when she felt the bed dip next to her. “Querida I should go.”_

_She grabbed his hand. “Stay.”_

_He looked at her sadly. “ I don’t want you to regret this in the morning.”_

_She sat up, trailing kisses up his arm to his face. “I won’t.” She promised. He sat back down and enveloped her in a tight embrace, both frantically trying to touch, inhale each other. As if they had both been so thirsty and hungry and we’re worried they would never drink from each other again._

She laid there, cuddled into him, debating what to do. She could hear her phone vibrating from a text message. She ignored it and stayed cuddled. She just wanted this peace and quiet, with no thoughts of what was next or what was to be. It was simple right now, in the quiet of the morning, just hearing him breathe.

Her phone went off again.

Cassian groaned. “Who is texting you at this hour?”

“It’s nearly eight o’clock, sleepy head.”

She got up to get her phone. It was Marisol.

_Need a ride to work? Wink, wink._

Jyn glanced at Cassian. “Can you give me a ride to work? My car . . .”

He laughed. “Sure. I can imagine you’ll be the talk of the town today.”

Jyn scowled. She knew she wasn’t going to get there on time but everyone was going to see her car in the parking lot and then notice she wasn’t there. She let out a deep breath, thinking back to her college days. _Wouldn’t be the first time you’ve done this. At least you’ll be in a different change of clothes._

Jyn showered and dressed. The both walked out to the kitchen to grab a cup of coffee.

They weren’t alone.

Kate was sitting in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cereal.

Cassian could already feel himself turning red. He whispered to Jyn. “I thought you said she wasn’t going to be here?”

Jyn shrugged her shoulders.

“We were pretty loud last night,” he reminded her.

“She’s an adult and it’s not like it’s the first time she’s heard us.”

Cassian remembered the first time meeting Kate.

_It was a month after they had started dating. The boys went to a pool party. It was so rare for them to be alone and when Jyn texted him that she was alone, he had raced over there. Clothes were shed as soon as he walked in the door. They were in her bedroom for a couple of hours and when he went to collect his clothes (buck naked) Kate was casually watching TV in the living room._

Cassian blushed thinking of that first meeting. He growled to Jyn, “Yeah but it’s awkward.”

Kate looked up at smirked at Cassian. She loved to mess with him. For him being an actor, he embarrassed easily.

“Morning Cassian. Sleep well?” Jyn could literally see the red creeping up his cheeks.

“Kate. Leave him be.”

Kate turned to face Jyn. “So does this mean you two are back together?”

They both looked at each other. Neither knowing what to say.

Kate shook her head. “Get it together, you two.” And with that she went to her room.

 

The ride to her work was quiet, both deep in thought.

When they arrived to the campus, she turned to look at him, faking a smile. “Thanks for giving me a ride, I appreciate it.” She moved to get out of the car quickly before he could say anything but she wasn’t fast enough.

He grabbed her wrist and looked at her, his smile faint. “Jyn . . . we need to talk,” he said quietly.

“About . . .”

“Don’t,” he warned. “Don’t act like last night was nothing.”

“It wasn’t,” she replied, her voice trembling. “It was . . . more, but,” she winced, looking at her building, “could we do this later? I can’t . . . not right now.”

“I understand. Later then.”

Later never happened.

  
Jyn walked into work, her face held high. She had tried to hide last nights activities with makeup but her cheeks, chin, neck and _other places that weren’t appropriate to see in the work place_ were a little bit raw, scraped red from Cassian’s stubble that night and morning. She must have picked up on Cassian’s propensity to blush because she could feel herself turning red when she saw Marisol’s raised eyebrows.

“Guess you got a ride?” Marisol smirked.

Jack took that moment to come out of his office, pointedly looking at his watch, noticing her tardiness.

He said (snarkily too, the asshole), “Thought you had grown out of this, Jyn.”

And as luck would have it, Solo chose that exact moment to walk in. He took one look at Jyn and laughed. “What the fuck happened to your face, Erso?”

Jyn stomped to her office and slammed the door.

  
Cassian drove back to Kes’s place. He was going to be moving out in a couple of months. He had been trying to find the perfect place to call home and was about to sign a contract on a lease. Of course Kes had been nagging him about waiting until he was done filming but he wanted a place that he could call home, a place that would cement him to a location.

He wanted a place by Jyn. With Jyn. With Teddy and with Jacob.

He walked into Kes’s place and just his dumb luck, Kes hadn't left for practice yet.

Kes raised his eyebrows.

“You didn’t come home last night,” he nagged.

“You’re not my wife.”

“No but looks like you’re close to getting one?”

Cassian glared at Kes. “Shut it, Dameron.”

Kes stopped smiling and his eyes grew serious. “Cass, you’re like a brother to me. I just don’t want you getting hurt again. Last year, you were a mess and you still are. I just want to make sure you’re not getting your hopes up?”

Cassian’s cell started to ring. He glanced at the number and walked into his guest room, telling Kes over his shoulder, “Hope is all I have.”

  
If Cassian had one of those old-fashioned phones that he could actually slam back into the receiver, he would have done just that after getting off the phone with Draven. Instead all he could do was an angry tap to end the call. It just wasn’t as satisfying.

He grabbed his bag from the closest and started packing. Shit. Damn. Mother fucker. Was all he could think.

Kes walked in. “You leaving me for someone else?”

Cassian rolled his eyes. Kes was in rare form today.

“I wish,” he growled. “Corona wants to start shooting now. The plan was August but of course some of the beaches are located in hurricane territory so they want to do it now.”

“Now?” Kes replied, incredulous.

“Yep, now. Like I have to get on a plane today.”

Kes winced. “When will you be back?”

Cassian sighed. “A month.”

“You tell Jyn yet?”

A double sigh. He didn’t think Jyn would be upset. In fact she would probably jump for joy, welcoming the month break from having to talk. He was just worried “later” for them would never happen.

 

  
Jyn was fucking jumping for joy. If the stars could align, then today was Jyn’s day. She just got off the phone with Cassian and he was going to be gone for a month. This put off the inevitable. This put off her having to have an adult conversation. Thank the stars.

(She shouldn’t have been this relieved.)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jack dumps more work on Jyn and she finally lets him have it.

_Jack wants to see you right away._

That was the text from Marisol. Jyn had been meeting with Leia going over the logistics for the gala. She sighed, texting back.

 _Can it wait?_ The reply back was quick.

_He said asap :-/_

“I gotta get back to the office, Leia. We good here?”

“I’ll be good as soon as you give me your set list.” There was a little bit of snark to Leia’s tone.

Jyn rolled her eyes. “Yeah, yeah. You’ll get it.”

Jyn turned away before Leia could see the worry lines on her face. She still hadn’t decided on any songs yet for the gala. It was only a couple of months away and she should have already been practicing. She breathed out. One thing at a time.

As she was about to leave Leia’s office, the door blasted open, almost hitting her in the nose.

It was his royal assholeness, Han Solo.

“Hey, watch it. You almost hit me.” Jyn was still a little bit pissed at him being a dick every time he saw her.

Han rolled his eyes. “Oh please! I’ve seen you in they gym. You’ve got the reflexes of a fucking cat. You’re fine.”

Jyn didn’t know if she should be grossed out that Han noticed her in the gym or if she should just take the compliment and leave it. She went for option number three instead. Instill the fear of God of him.

“If you’re here to see Leia, watch out, she’s in a bad mood.”

Han stilled. “How bad?”

Jyn leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, “Really bad. She ran out of Xanax.”

Han paled. “It can wait. I’ll catch up with her next week.” He turned and walked briskly out of the office.

Jyn turned and saw Leia who witnessed everything. She yelled at Jyn as she walked out, “this doesn’t mean you get an extension on your set list, Erso!”

Jyn smiled. Mission success. Anything to put her in a better mood before she went to meet with Jack. Whenever he needed her urgently, it usually wasn’t good.

 

  
Marisol didn’t even look up when Jyn walked into the office. _I see how it is, Jyn thought._ She could read Marisol like a book. Hence the avoidance.

“He in?”

Marisol nodded her head.

“You have any idea what’s up his butt?”

Marisol looked back down. “You don’t want to know.”

Jyn huffed. “Fine.” She walked into Jack’s office - smile on her face.

“Jyn!! I’ve been trying to get ahold of you. Where were you?” Jack asked, glasses on while he was typing away on his computer.

“I had a meeting with Leia - we were going over some details for the gala.”

Jack wrinkled his nose at the mention of Leia’s name. “Ugh. She giving you a hard time?”

Jyn shrugged. “Just the same as everyone else,” she said, pointedly, looking at Jack.

“Sooo . . . I have good news. Remember a month ago I told you the Chancellor approved our international fundraising initiative?”

( _Oh yeah, Jyn remembered that day. And that night. With Cassian. And that morning)._

She could feel her cheeks flushing, thinking of that.

“Uh huh,” she said non-committedly.

“Well it looks like we’re ready to roll. You’ll be taking point since it was your proposal.”

Jyn was excited. She had been advocating for this for such a long time, she couldn’t wait to see the results. “Great, when do we start?”

“Tomorrow. Alumni Week starts next week and you’ll need to attend in my place. The timing is perfect - we’ll have board members there plus we can make headway on our alumni success initiative too. Marisol’s already booked your travel. She has your itinerary.”

Jyn laughed. He was joking. She couldn’t just drop everything and be gone for a week.

He looked up at her. “Something funny?”

“You’re joking right?”

He looked up, puzzled.. “No. Absolutely not. Damon only has a short window of time in which he’ll be in the US. Plus he’s hosting a few of the receptions so it’ll be a good way for you to meet prospects.”

Marisol, Ethan and Lindsey were leaning against the door eavesdropping. They were waiting for the screaming. Jyn did not disappoint.

“Jack!! You can’t just send me away from the office with a day notice. Send Solo! He’s your chief fundraising officer. I’m not even a fucking fundraiser. I work behind the scenes.”

Jack took a deep breath and tried not to smile. It had been awhile since he had seen this side of Jyn, this fire. He was actually enjoying it.

“You know as well as I do that Solo doesn’t have the right personality for this. I need someone I can trust.”

“Why don’t you go then?”

Jack looked shamefaced . . . for a moment. “I’m being audited after my last travel so I’m grounded until the President has cleared it up.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I’m up to my neck in everything and now I’m going to be . . . wait how long will I be there?

“7 days” was the meek response.

“So now I’m going to be a good week behind in everything all because YOU went over budget on your travel?”

“And what am I supposed to do about the boys? They’re on spring break this week. I was planning on taking time to spend with them.”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Jyn! Ever since those boys started talking and learned how to say no, you spend one day with them and then they drive you crazy and you send them to your dads. Besides, that’s already been handled.”

Jyn stilled.

Jack took a breath, preparing for the explosion. Not even fireworks. Fireworks were nice and pretty to watch. When Jyn’s temper rose to a certain level, it was an explosion, like dirty bomb explosion. Definitely not pretty and certainly bloody.

Marisol knew what was coming next and was tempted to hide in the break room.

“What do you mean it’s already been handled?” Jyn said in a deadly voice.

Jack, about to throw his assistant under a big ass, yellow school bus, tattled, “Marisol already called Kate. Kate can do most of the time so then we called Galen. They’ll be splitting babysitting duty while you’re gone. Your dad was excited you were getting this opportunity.”

(Marisol’s a fucking traitor)

“Sooo . . . you just pretty much rearranged my life for me, for the next week, so I can work my ass off 24/7 at this event? You know how these weeks are - it’s nothing but receptions and meetings and there’s no fucking time to catch up on work.”

Jack nodded. “Pretty much got the gist of that one.”

Jyn took a deep breath. Jack waited, tense, for the final blow up.

She smiled.

He was surprised. It was like the smile a snake got on its face before it ate the mouse.

“So. . . what do I get?” she asked sweetly, totally changing her tone.

Jack went blank face, surprised by the 360 in her behavior. “Uh . . . what do you mean?”

“Jack, this is obviously something a senior administrator should be handling. You yourself said you would be going but because of the unfortunate circumstance of your travel situation, you’re sending me to represent you. I would like to have some compensation.”

Jack relaxed. “Oh, you want a stipend, temporary increase?”

“Nope.”

_Oh fuck, Jack thought, she’s going to ask for a permanent raise._

“I want time. Off the books - “

Jack relaxed.

“And a raise.”

_Fuck me._

“How much time are we talking about?”

“Two months.”

“Your crazy. Two weeks.”

“I’ve been working my ass off, nearly eighty hours a weeks. Two months. Middle of June to mid August. I want to be off the whole time the kids are out of school.” _We could rent a beach house right on the sand, or travel to Hawaii for a month, visit the islands. The kids were getting older and she wanted this time, this last summer before they wouldn’t want to spend time with her anymore._

“One month.”

“Two.”

“A month and a half.”

“Two months and I’ll claim the last two weeks.”

Jack chewed his lip. “Fine - two months, but I reserve the right to call you. And you take your laptop for emergencies.”

“Fine.”

Jyn was about to storm out of his office, not about to let him have the last word, when Jack called out.

“Oh and Jyn, are you sure you’re not more upset at the fact that you’ll be seeing your ex-boyfriend while losing time with your new one?”

“He’s not my BOYFRIEND,” she shouted, slamming his office door so hard the wood cracked.

 

  
Jyn had to go home and pack. She was going to be gone for seven days - she had never been away from the boys for that long and she was still pissed that her life had been rearranged without her consent. Who did Jack think he was to call Kate and her dad?

( _He’s family. Him, Marisol, Lindsey, even Ethan._ )

Luckily she had just picked up a shit load of clothes from the dry cleaners. A quick google search told her the weather in Tahoe. A late winter storm for two days. Fuck, fuck, fuck. She was going to need to get her ski gear too. She knew a lot of the networking happened out on the slopes. FUCK FUCK FUCK. She wasn’t going to get any sleep. Plus she had to call her dad. Another fuck.

The boys didn’t even seem bothered that she was going to be gone. Life with her dad and Kate was a dream come true for them. Late nights, bad food and fun days. Yeah . . . they weren’t going to miss her at all.

She stayed up late packing and making a list of things she had to pick up the next day. Luckily her flight was leaving in the afternoon so she had some time in the morning to pick up last minute things. She flopped on her bed, dreading that she was going to have to work with Damon on this. It had been over five years since she saw him last.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to Jyn's last relationship. Jyn finally sees Damon again.

Six years ago . . .  
  
_It was their holiday board meeting. Everyone always attended these. Very small agenda but a lot of booze. Jack had asked Jyn to perform a few Christmas songs - he always liked to have live entertainment. Of course, the holidays were always hard for Jyn. It had been four years since she lost her family and three with Alec being gone. While she knew she needed to look forward and make new memories with her sons and with Kate, but she couldn’t help and think of Jamie and Jess. She remembered her mom always allowing her to open one present on Christmas Eve and then the rest on Christmas day. Jyn, always impatient, had gotten into the habit of always sneaking a peak at her presents. She got so bad to the point where she would carefully unwrap each gift, take a peek, and then wrap it back up. Jamie had bought her a GameBoy one year and of course, Jyn, with her sneakiness, knew what it was before she opened it on Christmas Eve. She ended up playing it all night long, loving her new toy._

_So the holidays were always bad for Jyn. Having to perform merry, happy songs burned her. Instead that night, Jyn, rebelliously, belted out sad tunes, her melancholy performance of Silent Night literally brought board members to tears, the Christmas Shoe song that everyone secretly loved but pretended to hate, and her last one of the night was O Holy Night. She looked at Jack as she belted out the last song and judging by the twitch in his jaw, she could tell he was livid. What he didn’t expect was the standing ovation._

_Jyn snuck away from the revelry - a band had been hired and was finally playing the happy music that everyone was enjoying. She was on the terrace of the banquet room that had a pretty view of the harbor when she felt a presence next to her._

_“That was amazing singing.”_

_Jyn turned and looked, trying to recall the board members name. Donovan? David? Something that started with a D._

_“Thanks . . .”_

_“Damon.”_

_She studied him. He was handsome in a well put together sort of way. Dark hair neatly styled, green eyes, suit that probably cost more than her monthly salary._

_“I’m Jyn.”_

_They dated for a year. Damon was one of the university’s successful alum stories. He lucked out on the dot.com era, got in when it was good and got out before it flopped. Same with the housing market. He was now working for an international firm that provided consulting to businesses in the oil and gas industry. Jyn wasn’t looking for something serious. Damon was. Jyn wanted a distraction. Damon wanted a wife. He immediately took to her kids but she wasn’t ready for that next step._

_Their last date never happened. Damon made the mistake of wrapping her present and putting it under the tree and Jyn never grew out of her childhood instant gratification phase. She knew Damon was going to propose and she never showed up. Damon moved abroad and she never heard from him since._

Until now . . .

 

* * *

  
Jyn was at the airport getting ready to board her flight when she realized she had fucked up. In all the haste to get ready yesterday, get the boys ready to spend the week with her dad and then having to meet him halfway between Long Beach and San Diego, she had forgotten to call Cassian. He had just returned from doing his ads in the Caribbean and they hadn’t had a chance to catch up yet.

( _Much to Jyn’s relief_ ).

She spent a minute reasoning with herself on whether or not she owed it to him to let him know where she was going. They were in this weird in-between phase. Not dating, friends, but then of course they had the friends with benefits night not too long ago.

She took the chicken way out and hastily texted him.

“ _Hi. Have to travel for work unexpectedly. I’ll be back in a week. Have to go airplane mode._ ”

He replied back instantly. “ _Where are you going_?”

“ _Lake Tahoe_ ”

Lake Tahoe? Cassian still not used to all the areas in the US, quickly googled it. Then the conversation from that night ( _he remembered that night really well)_ registered. Jack had sent her to go meet with her ex. _What an asshole_.

He tapped out a quick reply. “ _Are you meeting your board member there? Just curious. Totally not jealous.”_

(He was).

He saw the dots that indicated a reply was coming but one never came.

  
She saw Cassian’s last text and had chickened out in not responding. She didn’t even know what to say.

She looked at the itinerary Marisol had prepared and saw she had arranged for a driver to get her at the airport and then she was to meet with Damon later that night in the resort’s lobby. She was dreading that meeting, like full on dreading, hoping she gets kidnapped and sold into some backwoods red neck sex slave trade, type of dreading. At least she would have some time to clean up, shower and mentally prepare herself (with lots of alcohol) before she met up with him.

At least she thought she had time.

Because of course, she had the worst fucking luck in the world.

Her “driver” was Damon himself.

 _Fuck_.

He looked good. Like really good. The last five years had been very nice to him. His eyes were still a sharp green and his hair had begun to gray at the temple, definitely giving him a distinguished vibe.

She didn’t know what to say. _What do you say to someone you dated for a year and then stood him up the night he was going to propose to you?_

Damon didn’t bat an eye. “Jyn,” he said, smiling, “it’s so good to see you.”

She was overwhelmed. She didn’t know what to do.

She would just pretend like nothing happened. Nothing-at-all. Nope, not a thing.

“Damon,” she greeted him, walking into his outstretched arms. “I didn’t know you were picking me up.”

“Marisol called me to get some recommendations for drivers - I just thought it would be easier for you if I came and picked you up.”

“That was kind. Thank you.”

He looked at her.

She looked at him.

They both spoke at the same time.

“This is awkward.”

“This is awkward.”

They laughed, Damon shaking his head.

“You always knew how to make me laugh, Jyn. C’mon, let’s get your luggage and we’ll go to the resort.”

  
When he drove up to the hotel, Jyn turned to thank him for the ride, but then he got out as well. Seeing her puzzled look, he said, “I’m having renovations done to my property, plus it’s a bit of drive, especially with the weather. Made sense just to stay here at the hotel. I’ve booked a few suites for the receptions.”

Oh, this wasn’t good. Not good at all. _I’m definitely not going to mention this to Cassian. No way Jose._

Thinking of Cassian, she looked at her phone. No service. She hated the mountains. She was going to kill Marisol. Torture, maim and then kill, all in that order.

Damon noticed she looked at her phone.

“Sweetie, did you need to call and let the kids know you arrived safely? You can use mine.”

(She didn’t have the heart to tell Damon, that no, she wanted to call her boyfriend, friend with benefit, friend, whatever his title was that she landed safely.)

“No, it’s okay. I’ll just wait till I get to my room. I’m sure I can get on the wifi network.”

They parted ways both agreeing to meet for dinner later on.

  
Cell service sucked. In the hotel. The connection wouldn’t hold. It kept kicking her off. It was like the universe did not want her to contact home at all. It wasn’t that she just wanted to call Cassian but she should let her Dad and Kate know that she had arrived safely. She wondered if maybe Damon had a hotspot she could get on to? But she’d have to wait until dinner time. She eyed the room phone - hmmm . . . might as well have work pay for that.

She called her dad really quick to give him an update and get a report on the boys. He sounded like he was enjoying them - she could hear the kids playing in the background, yelling at grandpa to get off the phone so he can play video games with them. She couldn’t picture her dad, the retired military general, playing their silly games with them. He hardly ever played with her as a child, so wrapped up in his work. Funny how life turns out.

Next phone call was to Marisol’s voice mail at work. “I HATE YOU” was all she said. She knew it was immature but she felt a lot better. Let Marisol be scared the whole week of her return.

Then she thought about calling Cassian. Again she chickened out. _I’ll go down to the business center and get on the internet and send him an email. Less interaction._

The email she sent was brief. “Sorry, cell phone service sucks here. Not just meeting with Damon but with several board members and alumni. Will try to call later.”

(She deliberately avoided Cassian’s term of ex. Hopefully that would make him feel better.)

  
Cassian saw her last email and completely saw through the BS. She was trying to placate him like a child. And he knew she could call him, the hotel had a phone for crying out loud. Not about to let her get away with it, he looked up the name of the resort and called the operator.

Jyn heard the room phone ringing. Thinking it was her dad or Kate, she picked up.

“Hello.”

“Jyn,” Cassian’s voice was loud and clear on the phone as if miles and heartbreak didn’t separate them.

Her voice softened. “Hi”

It was quiet for a moment. Finally she spoke up. “I’m sorry I couldn’t get a hold of you sooner. Everything was so last minute.”

Cassian smiled into the phone. It was just a relief to hear her voice, know that she was thinking of him. All of his earlier irritation disappeared. _He was a such a sucker._

“It’s okay. I just . . . I just wanted to hear your voice.”

Jyn melted.

“Cass . . . ,” she breathed. “I . . .” She knew what she wanted to say but couldn’t quite put it into words. “You know this is just work right? Nothing else.”

He stayed quiet. Finally he spoke.

“Jyn. I know . . . we’re not . . . that. And I said I would give you time. You told me you had things to figure out and I think this is one of those. You may not think so but I know you.”

Jyn didn’t know what to say. She wanted to reassure him, to make him feel better about them but how could she when she didn’t even know how to feel better about herself.

Before she could respond, he cut her off. “ I better go . .. I just wanted to hear your voice.”

They both hung up. Both unsure if that conversation helped cement their relationship or if pressure on both of them was leading to cracks in the cement.

  
After the conversation with Cassian, Jyn had to get ready for her dinner with Damon. Cassian sounded so . . . sad when she had talked to him. She hated herself for putting him through the ringer. _Maybe I should just break it off completely? Stop stringing him along and let him move on._ It would hurt . . . God, it would hurt, but she couldn’t handle the guilt of breaking his heart. It was too much. She needed to get her shit together.

Which led to her dinner with Damon. Another issue. She had handled everything so immaturely back then. She couldn’t even blame her age on it. She had been 25, already married, had kids, was widowed, she should have had some sense of maturity at that point but nope, she had ran. She had taken the coward’s way out. It was like her relationship back then was crossing a messy intersection with her relationship now.

She put the final touch on her makeup - put on a pair of black skinny jeans and a forest green sweater with some black boots, steeled herself for the difficult dinner ahead and called it a day.

 

  
She saw Damon waiting for her at the entrance to the restaurant. The hostess took them to their seats, in a quiet part of the restaurant next to a window that overlooked the snowy mountains.

They did the obligatory chit chat - he asking about the university and the kids and she asked him about his job. Then they fell into an awkward silence.

Jyn took a deep breath. It was now or never . . . she took a big gulp from her wine glass and looked up.

“I owe you an apology.”

Damon winced a bit but then looked at her and smiled. “You don’t have to, Jyn. Let’s just let bygones be bygones.”

Jyn looked down, fiddling with her hands. “No . . . I didn’t handle things well at the end and it wasn’t fair to you. I should have at least talked to you about why I . . . didn’t . . .”

Damon grabbed her hands and held them. “Jyn, I understand. I may not have then and maybe I just moved too fast but I . . . was afraid of losing you and wanted to keep you tethered to me. I shouldn’t have and just let us take our time.” His lips pouted a bit and he looked wistful. “Then maybe I would never have lost you.”

“Damon . . .”

“No, you don’t have to explain and I don’t want you to be sad. I . . .,” he hesitated, “Jack called me a couple of months after and we went out for drinks and I didn’t want to talk about you, I didn’t want to know how you were doing. But I did. So . . . after a couple of drinks, both of us mind you, and I asked him. And he told me about . . . your family and Alec. And then I understood. But it was too late . . .”

( _Jyn was going to beat the shit out of Jack. Then she was going to have a conversation with him about her privacy_.)

Jyn stayed quiet. Damon had sold his company less than half a year after they broke up and moved abroad. It probably would have been too late. She wondered about all the ifs. What path would she be on then?

He smiled, let go of her hand and then sat back in his chair.

“Are we good?”

Jyn looked at him thoughtfully, “Yeah, we’re good.”

 

The rest of the week passed by in a blur. She had met with Damon a few times going over her list of international prospects and getting his input on which ones would be best to pursue. She attended the various alumni events, networking and meeting new alums. Damon was always there in the background, making sure she was meeting the right people and being in the right place.

The last day before she went back home was a day out skiing. She was looking forward to it. She had been up at 6am every day and not getting back to the room till close to midnight. She needed some activity. It had been such a long time since she had been up in the slopes.

Damon had somehow ended up going with her. She had wanted to go alone but didn’t want to hurt his feelings. She had hurt him enough as it was. Besides, they were definitely in the just friends category.

_Or so she thought._

They had been skiing all day and were making their final run down one of the trails that crossed from the Nevada side into the California side. A stupid snowboarder had cut Jyn off, causing her to swerve into Damon who then had to avoid hitting her. It ended up with both of them buried in the fresh powder, skis amiss, poles missing trying to find their way. Luckily neither one of them were hurt. Their egos on the other hand . .

They both started laughing. He was brushing the snow out of her hair.

It was in that moment she noticed the look Damon gave her. It was one she had seen on Cassian many times right before he would . . .

And Damon kissed her. Not hard, not demanding, more like exploring, gauging her reaction. Jyn’s first instinct was to push him away but the kiss, the kiss, felt familiar and safe. Simple. Unrestricted.

She brought her hands up and put them on his chest and broke it off. “Damon,” she breathed, “we . . . I can’t.”

“Why? Is there someone else?”

Jyn paused. Hesitated. The timing was never right with them. This Damon, the one here and now, is someone that she could have seen herself with. But . . . there was someone else. Someone that just maybe, the timing would be just right for them.

“There is. I . . . we were but then and now . . . we’ve been . . .” she had a hard time finding the words.

Damon seemed to know what she was trying to say.

“Let me guess. You were dating. You broke it off. Now he’s semi back in the picture but you still can’t - which doesn’t surprise me - decide if you want to commit.”

_Nail. On. Head._

“Ummm . . . yeah that pretty much sums it up.”

Damon nodded, understanding. “Okay, I get it.” Then he winked at her, tension and misunderstanding fading away, “C’mon, I’ll race you down the rest of the way.” Then he took off, sending a flurry of snow in her direction.

Jyn shook the snow off her head and followed suit.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely not setting up a love triangle but there's a few issues Jyn needs to work out. This relationship with Damon, her issues with her dad and brother and finally reconciling her grief over losing her sisters and her mom.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Katy needs a babysitter at the last minute. Jyn comes home and makes a decision.

Jyn was packing her bags. The last leg of the week had ended in a reception. She could have stayed another night but she was anxious to get home. She missed her family - the boys, Kate, even her crazy work family. Cassian.

She had been nervous about seeing Damon again but she was glad she was finally able to put some closure on them. Plus she had a great report for work. All in all a successful trip.

She heard her phone go off with a text message.

  
( _Of course cell service would work the day she leaves_ ).

Her flight was delayed - a long delay. Five hours. She pouted, disappointed. She was so anxious to go home and now with this delay, she wouldn’t be back until late. Probably close to 9:00pm.

Damon had offered to give her a ride to the airport. She was hesitant at first, thinking about his attempts at rekindling their romance, but figured they were both in a good spot and things shouldn’t be awkward. He knew she was (maybe) involved with someone else. She texted Damon to give him a heads up. His reply was _drinks_?

“Sure - meet me downstairs.”

She then texted Kate to let her know she’d be home later than expected.

* * *

  
Kate was in a bind. She had committed to hearing a band perform in San Diego that night and needed a babysitter. She could have taken the boys to her grandpa’s house but then he would be less than enthusiastic about her going to a club. He didn’t understand that she was actually working. Plus she was sure her aunt wanted the boys home when she got home. She chewed her lip, running down the list of acceptable babysitters. Pretty much just Marisol or Jack. _Or . . .a thought came to her._ She cocked her head, wondering if it was a good idea. Thinking. _Probably not a good idea but fuck it. Somebody needed a push_.

Kate was just about finished getting ready when the doorbell rang.

“Hi Cassian,” she smiled, flashing her pearly whites.

“Kate, good to see you.” She didn’t have to say a word to him and he could still feel his cheeks getting red every time he saw her. Their first meeting had been downright embarrassing and then the last time and then that morning over a month ago..

Thankfully the boys interrupted his embarassment. “Cassian!!” They were excited to see him, it had been a while.

“Hey you guys!! Long time no see. What’s going on?”

“My arms not in a cast anymore.”

“I got a home run last week,” from Jacob.

“I got an A on my math test.” from Teddy.

And it went on and on, both vying for his attention. It felt good - them both fighting for him. God - he missed this so much. Jyn. The kids. This home.

Kate rudely interrupted his fond thoughts. “Okay Cassian. Here’s the deal - the boys were supposed to do homework this whole week but I disagree with teachers assigning work during spring break,” ( _Cassian could hear the disdain in her voice_ ), “so I didn't make them do it. But that's going to be the first question Aunt Jyn will ask sooo . . . you might want to have them do it.”

And with that she ran out the door.

Cassian turned and looked at the boys - their brown eyes wide with fear.

He sighed.

“All right, you guys, grab your backpacks and let's get to work.”

He could hear the moans and groans all the way to their room.

 

  
Jyn had the flight from hell. Her flight was delayed then the plane was rerouted. She texted Kate to give her an update and to remind her that the kids had homework. Kate replied back. _Had to work. Got a babysitter._

Jyn frowned.

_Who's the babysitter?_

No reply.

Jyn was tired and hungry. At this point she could care less if she got Solo to babysit.

Then she saw Cassian’s truck parked in the driveway.

_Oh Kate . . . you're in deep shit._

She parked next to his car in the driveway, grabbed her suitcase and walked up to the house, looking up at the kitchen window.

Her heart melted.

Cassian was sitting at the table, deep in concentration, running his hand through his hair, pointing to something on the table. Jake and Teddy were sitting on both sides of him, writing furiously.

_He was helping them with their homework._

Jyn wanted to cry. She didn't deserve this loving man who came every time she needed him.

Who sat with her in an emergency room, holding her hand, trying to comfort her.

Who held her and gave her strength when she broke down.

Who still showed up even after she couldn't make a promise to stay.

She didn’t deserve him.

And she had made her decision.

  
Jyn walked in the front door. Both boys looked up from the table and then ran to her. “Mama - we missed you!”

Jyn hugged both of them tightly. _Oh how she had missed them._ She looked at Cassian.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes.”

Cassian smiled, got up and hugged her. She returned it hugging him tightly, savoring their contact.

“So I take it you’re the babysitter?”

“It seems so - although I felt like more of a mean school teacher these past couple of hours.”

Jake chimed in. “Yeah mom. Cassian made us do all our homework in one night, can you believe that?”

Mom stared at son, raising her eyebrows.

“Umm . . . weren’t you supposed to work on it with Grandpa and then with Kate?”

Both boys faltered. “Uhhh . . . “

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Why don’t you give Cassian a break and we can finish up later?”

Desperate to get away from her before she changed her mind, they both ran to their room. Jyn shook her head, smiling at them.

“Thanks for coming over. That was really kind of you. And for helping them with their homework.”

Cassian shrugged. “It’s no big deal - I’m glad I could help.” He sat back down at the table.

Jyn went to the fridge, in need of a beer. “You want anything to drink?” She called out over her shoulder.

He nodded his head. He wanted to know how her trip was. He wanted to ask her about Damon. He wanted to know where he stood.

“How was your trip?” He tried to sound as nonchalant as possible. _God, could he be any more lame?_

Jyn brought the bottles to the table. She took a long drink before she answered. “It was good. Long, hectic and tiring but got a lot of work done.”

“Yeah?”

She nodded her head. “Yup.”

He didn’t know what to say next. Was it always this awkward with them?

“You want to ask about Damon?”

( _Okay maybe Jyn took awkward to the next level.)_

He looked at her. “You don’t have to - it’s none of my business.”

She grabbed Cassian’s hand. “I never told you about Damon because . . . I didn’t want to scare you off. I was younger, still angry at the world. He wanted something more and I couldn’t commit to it. I didn’t handle it very well and never forgave myself for hurting him. I . . . didn’t want you to overthink it and think there are some parallels here. Damon and I never really said goodbye or had closure. We had that this week. Trust me, Cass, there’s nothing going on.”

He looked at her, at those blue green eyes, and he did just that. He trusted her.

  
Cassian helped the boys finish up their homework while Jyn unpacked and got their clothes ready for school the next day. He was still going over their work when she walked back into the kitchen. She could stand there and watch him all day, doing this. Being that man, being that person who was there for her and her kids. She had another name that she thought of but she didn’t dare think of it.

( _He could be their dad_ ).

Cassian looked up and saw Jyn watching them. He smiled tentatively. She had that same look on her face that she had in Hawaii when he was playing video games with the boys. It was a sad, wistful look. Back then he thought it was because she missed her husband but knowing what he knew now, it wasn’t that. It was a look that wished for more, for something that she didn’t dare dream to have. _Just tell me what you want and I will give it to you. I’ll give you your dreams, your hopes . . . your prayers. Just tell me._

“Cassian, can you check my homework?” Teddy interrupted his musings.

“Yeah sure buddy but I bet you got them all right.” Teddy beamed, looking at Cassian adoringly.

Once the boys were done with their work, Jyn had them take their showers and get ready for bed.

Cassian stood up from the table. “I better get going. I know you’ve had a long day.”

Jyn walked him outside. “Thanks so much for coming over - not too sure what would have happened if Kate had called Marisol or Jack to babysit. I have a feeling the house would be a wreck.”

He leaned against the car, pulling Jyn to him.

“You know you can call me anytime, right?” He murmured, his breath like a feather, tickling her cheek. She moved her face just a bit until their lips met. The kiss was sweet. And sad. And full of things left unsaid.

And it would be at this point in time where Kate had the perfect timing of driving up, headlights flashing on them. Cassian pulled away guiltily. The timing of this girl was ridiculous.

Kate got out of the car. “Welcome home, Aunt Jyn.”

She turned to Cassian, appraising him in that way of hers. “Hi Cassian - didn’t realize babysitting duties included perks.”

Cassian’s face burned.

“Kathrine Erso! You leave him alone.”

She smiled apologetically at Cassian. “I’m sorry - she has no shame.”

“Must run in the family.” And with that, he kissed her on the check, got in his car and left.

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn has to pick her set list for the gala. Cassian misunderstands a moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I forgot to post a chapter so doing a small flashback to when Jyn was away.

(During Jyn's trip)  
Marisol was pulling reports for the day when the office door opened. Her jaw dropped at the man who walked in.

“Hi,” Cassian said.

Marisol was still wiping the drool off the desk. “Uh - hi . . . um long time no see. Um Jyn is out this week. She’s up north . . . conference.”

Cassian scowled, thinking of the purpose of her conference. “Umm . .. I didn’t mean to stop by unannounced but I wanted to pay for my sponsorship for the gala.”

Blank eyes met his warm brown ones.

“Sponsorship?” Marisol said. “Yeah, Jack and I talked about it the other day at lunch.”

“Oh . . . sure.” Marisol looked at the check - her eyes went wide. _That’s a lot of money_. _Jyn better be putting out for this kind of cash_. “Uh usually Jyn handles checks over a certain amount, did you want to wait for her to come back next week?”

Cassian looked like he wanted to wait but knew Jyn wouldn’t take the check.

“Hmmmm . . . any way to process it anonymously? I don’t want her to feel awkward given . . . you know,” he said, giving Marisol one of his famous smiles.

Marisol about melted into the floor.

“Hmmm . . . let me check with our AP department. I think there’s something we can do at a higher level.”

“Thanks! If you could keep this between us . . and Jack of course. “

“You know Jack has her overseeing all the details - she might see the guest list.”

Cassian shrugged - “if you can keep it quiet as long as possible, that’d be great.”

“My lips are sealed.”

Neither one of them saw or heard Ethan coming in from the back entrance of the suite.

 

_Two weeks before the event . . ._

Cassian hadn’t seen Jyn since she had come back from her trip.

That night their interaction was so . . . odd, for lack of a better word. She looked happy to see him but he could tell she had a million things buzzing about in that head of hers.

They had talked on the phone a few times and texted but every time he suggested they meet for coffee or he bring dinner, she was always busy. _And she complained that I would be the one that wouldn’t have time for them, he thought bitterly._ He knew this time of year was unusually harsh for her and he didn’t want to force her to make a decision but he was worried if he gave her space and time, she would just draw back into herself. He figured the only way to get her to see him (just like last year) was to drop by unexpectedly at her work. She won’t make a scene and then he figured he could charm her out of a fight.

Bad idea.

He stopped by the office, again surprising Marisol. Jyn wasn’t there but they were mum on where she was. Jyn kept her calendar to herself, all they could see was free and busy time. Ethan looking moon-eyed at Jyn’s office and said he thought he overheard her say she would be back later in the afternoon. Cassian eyed them warily. He knew they all covered for each other but they didn’t seem to be lying. He smiled (which of course made all the ladies melt into the floor) and left.

He thought he’d take a stroll around the campus. It truly was beautiful with its lush trees and gardens and water fountains. He could see why Jyn considered this home. He passed by the music building and saw a familiar figure in the window. Jyn. She was sitting close to a man with a guitar, her head bent and lips murmuring. She had a hesitant smile on her face. Cassian looked on fondly.

Then the man put his hand on her knee.

Cassian wanted to stop looking - he felt that he was intruding on a private moment. He saw her smile grow brighter. Cassian noticed she didn’t make an effort to have him remove his hand. They both stood up and embraced. Not wanting her to see him, he walked to his car and left.

 

  
Jyn had finally decided on the songs for the gala. She always did popular, known songs that she knew the audience would like. Cheesy ones - like _Somewhere Over the Rainbow_ or whatever songs were hits that year.

This year, she wasn’t feeling it. She wanted something edgy and different but that she could relate to. She didn’t know if it was the chaos in her life that was making her procrastinate on a song choice. Leia was about to kill her because she was getting nervous about the event and Jyn still hadn’t picked a song yet. Deciding she needed to talk to someone other than her work colleagues, she hunted down her old music professor from her undergrad days. She remembered taking his course and him saying, “For you to want to sing, with your heart, you have to feel the music, it’s got to be a part of you, your emotions.”

She had overheard Kate listening to some music in her room.

  
Kate, with her internship, was going to various venues, listening to live music and putting together songs that would be good for various teen TV shows and movies.

The minute Jyn heard the music she knew she had found what she was looking for. It was everything she had been feeling since last year all rolled into three songs. Kate gave her the lyrics and she wanted to meet with one of her former music instructors to get his advice on how to go about the vocals. For them working at the same place, they hadn’t seen each other in years so it was nostalagic to see him.

Javier Alejandro De La Cruz was eccentric, rude, kind and patient. He was an oxymoron of personalities and you never knew what you were going to get. He had tried many times to hit on former students (he waited of course until they graduated) and was the university’s best damn music instructor. Performing arts students bet, lied, bribed registrar folks to take his course. Jyn was lucky to have had him - she was his best student but biggest disappointment because she didn’t pursue music as a career.

When he saw her, he lectured her of course.

“Jyn, you’re too skinny, you need to eat more. And why those dark circles under your eyes? You need rest. Tell that bat shit crazy boss of yours to give you a break. He works you too hard.”

Jyn smiled. “I’m fine, Javier. Just busy - this time of year is always like that.”

Javier, who of course, had no sense of boundaries, asked “when you going to find a man and father for those big boys of yours? You’re too pretty to be single. No one likes to be alone. Find someone.”

( _When Jyn’s family died, Javier showed up with ice cream at her office after hours and they cried together. When Alec died, he showed up with a six pack of Corona and they both screamed at the universe_.)

Jyn smiled sadly. “Working on it, Javi, but it’s hard.”

“What’s so hard? You like someone, you be with them. End of story.”

“Javi, I . . . there is someone but it’s complicated.”

“Does he like you?” Jyn nodded her head yes. “Does you like your boys?”

“A lot.”

“Does he have a job?”

“Yes.”

He sat back satisified with her answers. “Then go be with him, Jyn. You’re making excuses.”

She shook her head, exasperated. “Javier, I didn’t come here for relationship advice, I need music advice.”

“Awww, my Jyn, but music is so entrenched in our lives. You can’t sing unless you can show your emotions. Go ahead and start singing for me.”

Jyn sang.

Javi for once was speechless. He was so dramatic and open . . . so opposite of Jyn. Jyn looked at him, smiling at the expression on his face.

He put a hand on her knee. “My Jyn, that was perfect. You don’t need my help. May I recommend on the last one just doing all acoustic. Guitar only. I will do for you.”

Jyn tried to protest. “No I can’t let you Javi. Your students are going to nationals.”

He waved it off. “They’ll be fine, they’re going to lose anyways. I will go with you.”

They both stood up. “He’ll be there when you sing?” Javier asked.

Jyn nodded, her eyes exploring his face, begging him to make a decision for her. “I hope you make the right decision, my Jyn. This is something you need to decide on your own.” They hugged and she left, thinking that the gala was going to be the hardest night of her life.

  
Jyn arrived home, spent from having singing earlier but in a good mood. Kate had picked up the boys from school and had taken them to baseball practice for her. Jyn was mentally checking off all the things that needed to be done before the gala so she wasn’t paying too much attention as she drove in her driveway. That’s when she saw him.

Cassian.

Sitting on her porch, looking forlorn and sad.

She gulped. He had been trying to see her lately but ever since that night when she came home from Lake Tahoe and watched him do homework with the boys and do all that family stuff, she had avoided him. She had made her decision but was selfish in not wanting to tell him yet. Because once she gave her answer, there was no going back.

“Hi.” She answered.

Cassian looked up and smiled (sadly). Jyn hated to think that she was the one that made his _the world is so fucking wonderful smile_ sad.

“Hey,” he said. “I stopped by your work but you weren’t there.”

“Ohh . . . I had a meeting on campus.” Her answer was casual.

“The boys?”

“They’re at practice, Kate took them.”

“You want to come in?” Jyn asked. She hated this awkwardness between them. She didn’t know what was going on. Cassian was usually so outgoing and filled the room with conversation and his personality. But right now, he was quiet and reserved.

He looked at her. She looked so tired but finally, she looked, like maybe some of the weight of the world she carried had been lifted. Cassian had a feeling it was the encounter he wasn’t supposed to have witnessed. Here he was worrying about that ex of hers, Damon, but little did he know, there was a someone else. 

“Uh . . . no I better head back to LA. I just . . . I just wanted to let you know I might have to leave sooner than expected.”

Jyn paused, worry clouding her face. “When?”

“I’m working on these environmental promos - they want to film the ads in August. The filming locations vary - mostly some islands in the Caribbean but I wanted to visit my family in Mexico before. So July.”

(It was nearly June.)

Awkward silence.

Cassian shifted back and forth. Wanting to just make that jump and ask her. Outright ask her, beg her to get her shit together and be with him.

Jyn didn’t want to wait two weeks. She wanted to give him her answer now but again that age old question reared its ugly head. _Was she enough?_

Unable to stand the silence any longer, both started speaking at the same time.

“I want you to come -  
“Cassian, I - “

They both stopped. Looked at each other.

_Fuck it. I’m going for it. I’d rather not know what she was going to say._

Finally Cassian said, “I want you to come with me. To visit my family. You and Jake and Teddy.”

 

 _Well she certainly wasn’t expecting that_. Talk about jumping the shark. She thought Cassian was going to press her for an answer but instead it was so much more than that.

Jyn panicked. _Meet his family?_ She was barely trying to figure out whether or not to commit to him and he wanted her to meet his family.

But when she looked at him, she saw the need and hope in his chocolate brown eyes that mirrored her own.

Cassian could tell he surprised her. But she didn’t immediately say no or look revolted at the thought.

“You don’t have to tell me now. I know . . . that you’re still . . . working on things. But I thought it would be nice to get away. There’s so much I want to show you - the beaches, the ruins. It’s my . . . it’s where I grew up.”

(He was about to say it was his home. But he wanted his home with her.)

“Can I . . . could I let you know in a couple of weeks? I . . . “

( _and she fell back on her lame excuse - work)_

“I . . . it’s just been hectic at work and I haven’t even figured out what to do with the kids this summer and making plans . . .” She was babbling.

Jyn was flustered. Cassian smiled. He had been expecting rejection but he could live with fluster.

He gave her a kiss on the corner of her lips, murmuring against her cheek, “I’ll see you in a couple of weeks then, querida.”

He walked away.

Jyn, touching her cheek, walked inside the house and flopped on the bed.

_Oh Erso, you’ve got a lot of decisions to make._

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Gala. Jyn finally tells Cassian how she feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this is a long one!! Also I went full cheese on Jyn's songs - hearing these songs is what pushed me to write some of this fic. Song cred goes to Katy Perry and James Bay. Love me some James Bay - every time I read a fanfic I envision his songs playing in the background - especially Incomplete and Scars.
> 
> Also sorry for all the formatting issues. For some reason not all the words in the songs would italicizes. Tried a few times and it wouldn't work.

_A week before the gala._

Jyn was trying to find the latest guest list for the event and couldn’t find it on the shared drive. Or the one posted wasn’t the most recent because she noticed names hadn’t been added. She called out to Ethan. Marisol and Linds were at lunch.

“Hey E, do you have the latest RSVP list? I have to work on the portfolios for the guest sitting at the President's table and I don’t think this one is the latest?”

“Ummm nope I don’t have it.”

_What the fuck?_

“What do you mean you don’t have it? You’re taking all the RSVPS, aren’t you?”

Ethan avoided looking at her. “Uh, yeah, I am but I don’t have the latest list.”

“ETHAN,” Jyn warned, “you better tell me what the fuck is going on? This list doesn’t even have Jack's table guests and we always have that.”

He looked away. Jyn knew something was up. “What are you guys trying to hide from me?”

He mumbled something. To Jyn it sounded vaguely like “ _Cassian is going and didn’t want you to know.”_

“When?”

“He came in when you were on your trip.”

A myriad of emotions ran through Jyn. Irritation.Frustration. Then finally resignation. She knew when they would have their talk.

* * *

 

Jyn was a ball of nerves. It was the day of the gala. Thankfully she had gotten out of the setting and cleaning up part - that was part of the deal she had negotiated with Leia when she agreed to sing. It was usually all hands on deck for this type of event. But she was still nervous - she knew Cassian was going to be there and tonight was the night. Tonight they would finally talk and he would have his answer. She was nervous about her singing. It had been so long since she performed. She knew deep down that she shouldn’t be nervous. At the rehearsal the night before, she actually saw tears in Leia’s eyes after her performance. If she could bring the great Leia Organa to cry in front of others, then she knew she was gold.

She was getting dressed when she heard her doorbell ring. _Odd, who would be here_? She briefly thought it might be Cassian but she made Ethan  swear on his tattoos not to tell the others that she knew Cassian would be there. She smiled, thinking back to her conversation with Ethan.

_"Promise you won’t tell them I know?"_

_"Jyn - I hate all these secrets."_

_“Ethan - I swear to God, if you tell them, I will give you your next tattoo and I’ll use a fucking ball point pen to do it.“_

_He instantly paled. “My lips are sealed.”_

She secretly hoped it was Cassian.

It wasn’t Cassian.

Green eyes sparkled when she opened the door.

Damon.

_Shit. Fuck. Mother fucker._

Oh . . . and he looked . . . good. He was wearing a tux and that typical smirk on his face.

“You gonna let me in?” Damon said, interrupting her silent shock.

“Ummm . . yeah. What . . .what are you doing here?”

He smiled. “I was in town, gave Jack a call and he invited me tonight. Said I could sit at his table. Even worked me into the program.”

Jyn paled. _Oh this wasn’t going to be good._ She was fairly certain she and Cassian were sitting at Jack's table as well. And she recalled the table was full. Her mind was working a mile a minute. _Who did they move? And what the fuck was Jack thinking? Oh and she could imagine the fit Leia threw when they added Damon to the program. She hated last minute changes._

Damon continued. “Figured you would be going too and wanted to offer you a ride.”

Jyn exhaled. Just breath, just breath. _You got this, you can handle it. Be mature. Tell him Cassian will be there._

“Damon, just as friends right?” Jyn was hesitant. “Umm my . . . (she couldn’t call Cassian her boyfriend) the guy that I’ve been . . . he’ll be there tonight.”

A brief flash of disappointment crossed Damon’s face.

“No date Jyn. Just giving you a ride.”

She exhaled, relieved.

“Oh and Jyn?”

She turned back to look at him, “Yeah?”

He smiled, that disarming smile of his. “You look beautiful tonight.”

Jyn shook her head. Of all nights . . .just her dumb luck.

 

* * *

  
Leia had outdone herself with the decor. The hotel ballroom had been transformed into a soft glow of lights with silver and gold decorations. Damon went to greet some old friends of his. Jyn walked in and eyed the stage, her eyes searching for Cassian. Her stomach had butterflies. She grabbed the first glass of champagne that passed by her.

“Be careful with that. Don’t want you slurring your words later.”

Jyn turned and saw Jack, smirking at her. Instantly her temper went from zero to DEFCON 5.

“You have your nerve.” She was furious. “What the hell game are you playing, inviting Damon knowing full well Cassian’s going to be here. And at the same table. You’re going to be fucking lucky if I come back after summer vacation, Jack. Lucky!”

Jack, taken aback by her intensity, looked a bit remorseful.

Instead of an apology, he motioned towards the end of the reception hall. “He’s over there by the bar.” Then he walked away, taking advantage of her being distracted.

Jyn looked.

And saw Cassian, handsome as ever, his brown hair neatly styled, wearing a tux, and that smile of his. He was surrounded by a lot of people and she could see him with a pen, signing programs and napkins, whatever his little group of fans could get their hands on. He was chatting easily with everyone not minding the attention but not relishing in it either.

She hesitated. She hadn’t seen him surrounded by fans before. That stupid voice in the back of her head came rearing it’s ugly head. _Am I enough for him? Will he stay?_

Cassian looked up and saw Jyn across the room. God, she looked breathtaking. Her hair was curled, falling softly past her shoulders. Her eyes - he could see them from across the room, the color of the sea with sparkles of green.

Then he saw her dress.

Blue. (Of course). Long. With a slit up the side that went dangerously close to nearly the top of her thigh. She turned briefly to put her champagne glass on the cocktail table and he did a sharp intake of breath.

It was the same style of dress she wore in Hawaii. _On that night._

The dress had thin straps that criss crossed in the back showing off her beautiful skin. The straps tied low at the back, right above her rear -

“She looks amazing, huh?”

Cassian was broken out of his reverie by Ethan. The boy sure wore his heart on his sleeve. “Yeah, she does.” He caught her eyes again. She was smiling at him, but her eyes looked sad. He knew what she was thinking. She had seen the people around him.

He started walking towards her, Ethan in tow. But then people kept coming up to him, wanting to meet him. He looked up at her again and saw Jack leaning in towards her murmuring something in her ear. The jealousy he had felt months ago when he realized the man's feelings for her came back in waves. But then he noticed a man with dark hair come up and put his hand on Jyn’s elbow. There was a familiarity between them. He didn’t recognize him from around the office but they knew each other. Cassian had never felt so disconnected from Jyn as he did in that moment. They were so close yet so far apart. Their worlds had been running parallel lines and where they could've intersected tonight, they diverged, stopped. She was in her element - this place where people relied on her, needed her.

 _She doesn’t know the effect she has on people, Cassian thought._ That fire. That glow. It draws people in. Jack, Ethan, the man with the green eyes. Him. The question had always been if she was enough for him but Cassian just realized that he may not be enough for her.

Jyn looked up and smiled at Cassian, nodding her head, for him to come over. She had hoped she could avoid Damon and Cassian interacting but that was not to be.

  
They walked up to the group. Cassian hugged Jyn lightly, not wanting to embarrass her with affection in front of her colleagues.

“Jack.” He acknowledged him, coolly, still irked at his interference over the past few months. He stuck his hand out to the man with the green eyes. _Who still hadn't taken his hand off of Jyn's arm._

“Hey, Cassian.”

Damon stilled. Jyn never told him Cassian’s last name. Jyn never told him who Cassian was. Movie star. Director. Producer. People Magazine’s Latino of the Year. He thought back to when he asked about him.

_They were waiting for her flight, sharing drinks in the hotel bar. There was an ease to them that hadn't been there before. Even when they were dating, there had always been something holding her back from being entirely comfortable with him._

_“So how'd you meet him?” Damon asked casually, wondering who this man was that had the superhuman ability to break down Jyn’s carefully erected steel walls._

_“Met him on vacation with the kids."_

“Damon. Good to meet you.” Cassian glanced at Jyn when he heard Damon’s name. A flash of hurt crossing his face. He tightened his grip on Damon’s hand a little bit harder. Both wondering how far the other could piss.

Jyn locked eyes with Cassian, hoping he could see that Damon being there was a surprise to her as well. She smiled faintly, shrugging her shoulders. She wondered if things could get worse.

They could.

Because at that moment Han Solo arrived.

“Jack, great event!”

Jack rolled his eyes. “Why don’t you tell Leia that? This was all her.”

Han shrugged, finally taking in the players. He eyed Cassian, then Damon, and Ethan.

“Erso, did you send an invite to all your boyfriends today? Just saw Javier too over by the bar.”

Jyn glared at Han. Then she saw Cassian start to walk forward, his face angry. She shook her head - _he’s not worth it._

Han was all bluff. Jyn just had to knock him down a few pegs.

She smiled sweetly at Han. “Let’s not talk about exes, Han. I think I just saw Leia come in with Lando right now.” Han looked quickly back - Leia wasn’t even there but it got Han to show his cards about Leia.

Irritated that Jyn could aggravate him at that level, he stomped off, probably to find Leia.

  
Marisol and Lindsey were working the registration table, eyeing the group of handsome men and Jyn.

Lindsey sighed. “Oh what I wouldn’t give to be the bread in that club sandwich.” Marisol nodded her head affirmatively. “And to think she only has eyes for one.”

Lindsey looked, broken out of her fantasy. “You think Damon?”

Marisol frowned. “No, I was thinking Cassian.”

“Hmmm . . . she hasn’t been the same since she came back from Alumni Week. With Damon showing up tonight, I figured he was in play as well.”

Marisol looked thoughtful. Looking between Cassian and Damon. Admiring their handsomeness. She really wanted Cassian to be the one. But she wanted Jyn to be happy. “She would have beautiful children with either one,” she sighed dreamily.

Lindsey agreed. “Totes.”  
  


* * *

 

  
Jack took Damon to meet a few of the newer board members. Ethan discreetly went to find Marisol, leaving Jyn alone with Cassian.

“Hi,” Jyn breathed, still in awe over how handsome he looked.

His eyes crinkled. “Jyn, querida.” He fingered the strap of her dress, “Que bonita.”

She blushed. She knew she needed to bring up the elephant in the room.

“Cassian, about Damon. I didn’t know he was coming. I swear. He just showed up.”

He looked thoughtfully at her. “You knew I was coming?” She nodded her head. “I threatened bodily harm to Ethan if he told.” Cassian rolled his eyes. _The boy would  probably enjoy it._

Jyn saw Leia walking towards her. It was time.

She looked at Cassian. Her face was unreadable.

“I have to go . . . “

“Wait, Jyn, why? Where are you going?”

She kissed him lightly on the cheek. “We’ll talk later. I promise. But I have to . . go. There’s something I need to do.” _For you, she couldn’t bring herself to say._

Cassian watched Jyn walk away with the short brunette. _What the hell was going on?_ He heard the announcer prompt people to their tables. The program was going to begin.

The program went by fast. The President of the university, Mon Mothma, welcomed everyone to the event. Then a few short speeches from students about how important scholarships were. A couple of alums spoke, Damon even gave a short speech. Jack introduced him and was singing his praises. Cassian scowled at the remarks, being petty. _Where the heck was Jyn?_

The lights dimmed and then he finally saw her. Jyn was on the stage.

Jack and Damon who had been chatting both went silent, eyes transfixed by Jyn on the stage. In her blue dress, bright blue/green eyes scanning the crowd. They settled on Cassian.

Jyn began to sing. Her voice had a soft, melancholy lilt to it, a piano playing softly in the background.

 _Summer after high school, when we first met_  
_We make-out in your Mustang to Radiohead_  
_And on my eighteenth birthday, we got matching tattoos_  
_Used to steal your parents liquor and climb to the roof_  
_Talk about our future like we had a clue_  
_Never planned that one day I'd be losing you_

  
_In another life, I would be your girl_  
_We keep all our promises, be us against the world_  
_In another life, I would make you stay  
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away_

_  
The one that got away_

  
Cassian stiffened. He looked at Jyn. She was no longer looking at him but performing to the crowd. He couldn’t believe she sang. He knew the performing arts. Singing, acting, writing, you put your heart and your emotions out there. And his Jyn was doing just that. _But he wondered at what cost._ The lyrics, they meant something. He just didn’t know what.

 _I was June and you were my Johnny Cash_  
_Never one without the other, we made a pact  
Sometimes when I miss you, I put those records on, whoa_

Cassian remembered their time on the beach last year. She had invited him a few times after that one time she forgot. They'd watch the boys play in the waves, listening to music. She would make him put on eighties music and he would fuss, doing it anyways just because he knew it would make her happy. Later he had built a bonfire and she introduced him to S'mores. 

  
_Someone said you had your tattoo removed_  
_Saw you downtown, singing the blues  
It's time to face the music, I'm no longer your muse_

  
_In another life, I would be your girl_  
_We keep all our promises, be us against the world_  
_In another life, I would make you stay  
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away_

  
_All this money can't buy me a time machine, no_  
_Can't replace you with a million rings, no_  
_I should'a told you what you meant to me, whoa_  
_Cause now I pay the price_

  
_In another life, I would be your girl_  
_We keep all our promises, be us against the world_  
_In another life, I would make you stay_  
_So I don't have to say you were the one that got away_  
_The one that got away_

He knew walking away from her last year was a mistake. He should never have given her a choice. He should've stayed and fought . . . _for them._

“Tell me you don’t want me?” He had asked her, eyes watering. “Tell me and I’ll walk out now.” Her eyes were glistening, wet with tears. “I don’t.” He’ll never forget the crushed look on her face when he turned and walked out the door.

He returned back to the present. The audience was clapping wildly, begging for more. Begging for Jyn to sing.

Jack leaned towards Cassian.

“Did you know she could sing?”

Cassian shook his head.

“She hasn’t performed in years. She always did before. But when she lost her sisters, she lost her heart, her emotions, and her singing was never the same.”

Cassian stayed quiet, waiting for Jack to continue.

“She’s singing her heart out tonight.”

  
There was a brief interlude with another student feature. The lights dimmed again and the audience went quiet.

Jyn walked back out on the stage. Cassian had never seen her look so scared. Others couldn’t tell but he could see the fright in her eyes, the way her smile didn’t form all the way. He felt a pain in his belly. His nerves were shot. This was it - he knew.

She began to sing . . .

 _I breathe in slow to compose myself_  
_But the bleeding heart I left on the shelf_  
_Started speeding round, beating half to death_  
_'Cause you're here and you're all mine  
So I press my lips down into your neck  
And I stay there and I reconnect  
Bravery I've been trying to be perfect_  
_It can wait for a while_  
_Scared of hope in my head it's been making me sweat but it turns out_  
_You're here with your head on my chest_  
_I should've guessed_

  
_The world will turn and we'll grow, we'll learn how to be  
To be incomplete_

  
He remembered that night when she broke down. Crying for her sisters, for the ones that left. He didn’t say anything then but he remembered what she said.

“Cassian, I’ve lost everyone I’ve loved. My sisters, my mother, my sister in law. You.” He didn’t catch it then but he should have. The woman was scared to death of more loss. She’d rather be incomplete, be alone than risk having him and losing him. He looked up at her, pouring her heart out in this crowd, singing, his eyes were shining. Jack patted him on the shoulder, as if to comfort him.

 _I breathe out now and we fall back in_  
_Just like before we can re-begin_  
_Let your lungs push slow against my skin_  
_Let it all feel just fine_  
_Gone is the emptiness_  
_We just take what's best and we move on_  
_All that the hurt gets left  
I should've guessed_

  
_The world will turn and we'll grow, we'll learn how to be_  
_To be incomplete_  
_This here now, it's where we touch down_  
_You and me let's be incomplete_

  
Marisol's heart was in her throat. She couldn’t be? Could she? Was she ending it? Was there not going to be a happy ending for her?

Jyn continued to sing.

 _How'd we go without  
I don't know it's look like we've made it again  
Tell me you'll never look down, down_  
_And the world will turn and we'll grow, we'll learn how to be_  
_To be incomplete_

Damon was fiddling with his cuff links. He shouldn’t have come. He thought . . . just maybe, that things might work out but looking at Jyn on the stage, she shined. But she was a mess. She couldn’t come back from this. If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it's broken.

 _I don't wanna look down_  
_I don't want us to break up in the cloud  
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now_

  
_I don't wanna look down_  
_I don't want us to break up in the clouds  
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now_

  
_And the world will turn and we'll grow, we'll learn how to be_  
_To be incomplete_  
_This here now it's where we touch down  
You and me let's be incomplete_

Jack's heart was breaking for Jyn. He had hoped. He knew Jyn still suffered but last year, he saw her come alive and he knew Cassian could bring her back. Bring Jyn back. But she was too scared. He didn’t know what else he could do. He thought closure with Damon might help. That night six years ago he made her sing when she was still raw, wounded, he regretted it. He thought it would help her but instead she entered into that stupid relationship with Damon which ended up badly and with her thinking that she would never be good enough, healed enough. She thought she was broken. She couldn’t be more wrong. _Why did he care so much?_ He didn’t want to dwell on that question. He had been ignoring that pestering thought for years now and would continue to do so until he died.

He stole a glance at Cassian. Poor guy. The look on his face was enough - his heart was broken.

The only one that still had hope was Ethan. _C’mon Jyn, you can do this._

Jyn stared at the audience. This next song was it.

Cassian looked up at Jyn. He debated whether he should go but he knew she was going to perform one last song. _Let me just look at her, hear her, feel her, one last time and then I’ll leave._

He saw the musician come out. It was the one he had seen with her that day on campus. Questions in his head were answered. He began slowly strumming the strings on the guitar, his thumbs gently caressing the strings to a melody that was soft. Her eyes scanned the crowd, looking for Cassian. She was performing this song for him.

  
_You're setting off,_  
_It's time to go, the engine's running_  
_My mind is lost,_  
_We always knew this day was coming_  
_And now it's more frightening than it's ever gonna be  
We grow apart,  
I watch you on the red horizon  
Your lion's heart  
Will protect_ _you under stormy skies_  
_And I will always be listening for your_ _laughter and your tears_  
_And as soon as I can hold you once again_  
_I won't let go of you, I swear_

  
_We lived through scars this time_  
_But I've made up my mind  
We can't leave us behind anymore_

  
Cassian stared at Jyn. He had never heard this song before, but it was one of promise, hope. He remembered when she opened up to him. “ _I’m afraid . . . of getting too attached. Of not being enough.”_ He thought of how far she’s come in the year they’ve known each other. “ _You’re more than enough for me,”_ he had told her. He promised her he would always be there for her and he still would swear to that promise.

 _Your hands are cold,_  
_Your lips are turning blue, you're shaking_  
_This fragile heart,_  
_So heavy in my chest, it's breaking_  
_And in the dark, you try to make a pay phone call to me_  
_But you're miles away,  
You're breaking up, you're on your own  
It's hard to take,  
I need an hour just to say hello  
But I can't make the truth of this work out for you or me_  
_And for all the pennies in your pocket_  
_We barely get a second just to speak_

  
_We lived through scars this time_  
_But I've made up my mind_  
_We can't leave us behind anymore_  
_We'll have to hurt for now_  
_But next time there's no doubt_  
_'Cause I can't go without you anymore_

  
Jyn had performed to the crowd in her other songs. But this song, she only had eyes for Cassian. She was singing for him, to him. She was giving him her answer.

 _Oh, no, oh, oh, oh, oh_  
_Oh, oh, oh_  
_Yeah yeah_  
_We lived through scars this time_  
_But I've made up my mind_  
_No, we can't leave us behind anymore_  
_We'll have to hurt for now_  
_But next time, there's no doubt_  
_'Cause I can't go without you anymore_  
_No I can't go without you anymore_

The audience stood up - a standing ovation. Cassian could barely hear anything over the thunderous applause. He felt someone tug his elbow. Ethan. He motioned Cassian to follow him.

He was taking him behind the stage. To Jyn. He led him through a hallway and then to a side room that opened up behind the stage. Jyn was there, heading down the stairs when she looked up and saw him. Her eyes were wet, the music, the songs, had taken a lot out of her. But then she smiled - that gorgeous, winning smile of hers, where the clouds parted and the sun came out. She ran to him and he lifted her up, embracing her.

“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry,” Jyn mumbled against his neck. “It’s always you, Cassian. It’s always been you.”

Cassian was overjoyed. Finally, finally they would be together. He pulled away from her, cupping her face, kissing her all over. “Jyn,” he breathed. “Does this mean, that we’re . . . we’ll be together?”

She nodded happily, beaming at him. “Yes, yes and yes. I’ll go with you this summer. I’ll meet your family. I’m in this. All the way, Cassian. All the way.” They hugged tightly, locked onto each other, oblivious to Ethan who had discreetly left the room.

He ran into Marisol on his way out. She strained to look over his shoulder, seeing the couple embrace.

“People are asking for her.”

Ethan turned back to look at them, seeing Jyn nuzzling into Cassian’s chest.

“Let them be.”

Leia had arranged for a band to perform after the event was over for people who wanted to stay and dance. Normally Jyn would stay until the end but she just wanted to go home, with Cassian. He looked at her, as if he knew what she was thinking. “Ready to go?” He asked, smiling down at her. That smile hadn’t left his face all night.

They were on their way out when Marisol came running up to them. She had a black bag in her hand. She gave it to Cassian - he looked at her puzzled, opening it. Jyn was about to ask what it was when Jack came up to her.

“Am I forgiven?” Jyn studied him. His motives while well intentioned but had put her through the wringer. “I’ll think about it . . . but I need some more time,” reminding him of the deal they made when he sent her to Lake Tahoe. He looked at Cassian then at her and smiled. “Take all the time you need, Jyn.”

  
 


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian talk.

Cassian was driving but it wasn’t in the direction of her house. She didn’t notice until he veered towards a toll road that took them into the hills.

She turned to him, holding his hand. “Where are we going?”

“I want to show you something . . “

He pulled up to a house. It was a single story but spread out over a large lot.

She turned to him. “Cass what is this.”

“I finally found a place,” he said. Ducking his head down shyly. “Do you want to come in? I can give you a tour?”

Jyn held her hand out and he took it, guiding her inside.

The house wasn’t huge but it was spacious - a large living room and dining area, kitchen with a breakfast nook, three bedrooms and an office that could be converted into a bedroom. He showed her his bedroom last, which led to the backyard outside.

He had a pool. Nothing fancy just a simple rectangular pool with a jacuzzi connected to it. What got her though was the view. She had lost her sense of direction as he drove through the hills but she was fairly certain the inky darkness in the horizon was . . .

She gulped. “Is that . . . the ocean?”

Cassian nodded, his eyes big, seeking her approval.

Everything clicked.

He got a home for them.

The pool, the view of the ocean. The extra bedrooms.

She looked up at him, her eyes shining with tears.

“I love you,” he whispered. It was simple. Perfect. His eyes were wide, heart open, waiting.

Jyn stilled.

He continued. “I . . . what took me so long in settling down here was finding the right place.”

He paused.

“I wanted a backyard, and rooms and a place that you could call home. Even . . . if you and the boys . . . didn’t live here but a place you could visit and be home.”

Tears came to her eyes. “Cassian you didn’t have to. I mean, you’re going to be gone for awhile. I would have understood.”

He shook his head. “No, Jyn. I want a home, and I’ll come back during filming but I wanted a place to settle down.” _With you, he added silently._

“Those months last year, when we weren’t together, I missed us and this . . . but what hurt the most was knowing what we could have had and thinking I was never going to have it. I want you and the kids and Kate in my life. I want a family. Your family.

Jyn stayed quiet. His words entering her heart and then slowly being absorbed by her mind. She closed the distance between the two of them, cupping his face, tears blurring her vision.

“I am so in love with you, Cassian.”

That was all it took. He crushed her to him, capturing her mouth with his. She could taste the salt from their tears mixing together, tears of joy, happiness, comfort. Everything felt right but new with them. Like they were just starting off and exploring their feelings in each other.

“Cass,” she breathed.

“Shh . . . querida,” he murmured, his tongue flicking over her lips, asking for permission. The kiss deepened and he tugged her close to him. She could feel his need, his desire, but there was so much more between them. Love. Hope. Family.

* * *

 

It was the middle of the night and Cassian still couldn’t sleep. He was so excited and nervous of what the daylight would bring. Jyn and he never seemed to have problems at night, where the darkness could hide their fear and anxiety and they could ease their pain and fright with soft kisses and passionate touches. He slowly caressed her arm, drawing light circles. She snuggled against him, perfectly fitting against his body.

“I love you. Yo te amo mi corazon.” He murmured softly against her neck. He could feel her starting to wake up and he didn’t mean to, he knew she needed her rest but forgot what a light sleeper she was.

“Hmmm . . . why are you still awake?”

Cassian shook his head, “Just thinking . . .”

Jyn propped herself up. It was dark but the light from the moon cast a shadow on his eyes. “About . . .”

He hesitated.

Jyn, wide awake now, “Cassian, tell me.”

“When did you know? That it was me?”

Jyn smiled but hesitated.. “I guess I’ve always known it would be you. But that night I came home from my trip and you were there, helping the kids with their homework.”

He seemed surprised. “Really? I thought you were going to break it off that night.”

She shook her head. “I . . . was tempted. You’re too good for me Cassian. But that night, when I saw you with the boys, I realized you weren’t just a boyfriend or lover. That you were or could be . . .”

She paused. Trying to find the words.

“ a great dad.”

Cassian’s heart flipped. He had hoped she would see him in that light, would see him as somebody that could help her raise these boys. Emotions flooded through him - happiness, fear (because what did he know about being a dad), anxiety, love.

He crushed Jyn to him capturing her lips with his. “I love you so much,” he whispered. “You are my life, my heart, Jyn.”

Jyn cradled his face with her hands, kissing him desperately, breathing kisses into his neck, his face. He could feel her tears, her lips brushing them across his skin.

“Querida, why are you crying?”

“I’m . . .I never thought I could feel like this. I’m so sorry, Cassian. For not trusting you, and breaking us up.”

“Shhh . . .” He comforted her. “We’re fine. We found our way back to each other.”

“I love you, Cass. Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So definitely not the end but it may be a few days before I post again. Jyn still has some family issues to deal with but her and Cass are gold. Thinking 5-6 more chapters before the end.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after. Jyn is happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short update. More to come soon.

She woke up the next morning to big brown eyes staring at her. She had wrapped herself around him during the night and her leg was thrown over his hip.

“This is getting borderline stalker."

Cassian laughed, hitching her leg closer to him. “You’re the one that attacked me first,” caressing his hand over her leg, bringing his head down to press a kiss to her neck. Jyn arched her back, pressing herself closer to him. Not anticipating what last night would bring, she had no clothes and was wearing one of Cassian's tee shirts. He slid his hand underneath the shirt, lightly palming her breast. Jyn moaned, locking her leg tighter around him, trying to get as close as possible. Their lightheartedness grew serious as she cupped his face, kissing him desperately. He flipped her on her back, locking her body in place with his, gently nudging her knees apart. She was ready for him as he entered her easily, his eyes locked on her. She arched up to meet his thrusts, meeting him inch for inch, trust in her eyes. She tightened around him as he brought her to the brink, he following soon after.

 “Jyn,” he sighed. “You’re going to be the death of me,” rolling off of her.

 She playfully nipped at his shoulder. “You’ll get a break once the kids are around. Or Kate for that matter.”

He groaned. “That girl has the worst timing in the world.”

They lay quietly there for a bit, enjoying each other’s company. Cassian could tell Jyn had something on her mind.

Before he could ask her, she started to speak. “So . . . any plans today?”

“My only plan is to be with you all day.”

“There’s this tradition,” she started, hesitantly, “every year after our event, we meet for brunch. To celebrate our success.”

“You want to go?” Cassian asked, disappointed, hoping to spend the day with her.

“I want you to come with me,” Jyn asked, shyly looking at him.

He grinned. “Of course! Sounds fun.”

* * *

 

Jyn had a dilemma.

She had no clothes. Just her gown and undergarments (that Cassian practically shredded to pieces) from the night before. If they went back to her house, they would have to backtrack and it was too early for any store to be open. Then they would be late. Jyn hated being late.

She could see if Cassian had a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt. The restaurant was casual, on the beach, but had the best waffles and mimosas. She  chewed her lip, thinking. _It’s like another walk of shame. Everyone is going to know._

(As if bringing Cassian along, they wouldn’t know already).

She just didn’t want to be in the spotlight. Every year someone always had that moment, either getting too drunk at the gala and passing out somewhere they shouldn’t have, or hooking up with someone they shouldn’t have. Jyn recalled the time Han and Leia both showed up an hour late and exactly 5 minutes apart from each other, wearing clothes that still had tags on them. From the same drug store no less. _Dumbasses._

Then there was the time Jack showed up a little bit too green, face pale and wearing a new outfit. To this day, Jyn couldn’t figure out where he had ended up.

She was sitting on the bed, wrapped in a towel, chewing her lip, trying to figure out her options when Cassian walked in with a black bag. His eyes darkened as they roamed over her and Jyn thought  _to hell with the brunch_. Shaking his head as if to clear it, he tossed the bag to Jyn.

“I think this is yours.”

Jyn peered inside the bag. It was her gym bag from the office. Confused, she looked up at him.

He shrugged his shoulders. “Marisol gave it to me last night. Said you might need it. I never had a chance to look inside.”

She breathed a sigh of relief. Her bag had some yoga pants, a tank, sports bra and underwear and running shoes. Perfect.

Marisol was back in her good graces.

 

* * *

 

Brunch was a boisterous affair. By the time Jyn and Cassian arrived, bottles of cheap champagne littered the table. Marisol and Linds were halfway to getting drunk, Jack was drinking Bloody Marys having obviously had too good of a time the night before and Han and Leia were both conveniently wearing brand new outfits.

When Jyn walked in with Cassian, they all grinned but didn’t tease. Solo went to open his mouth to be obnoxious but then Leia leaned in and whispered to him. _“One mean word out of you and I swear I will tell everyone about the time you tried to bribe an obviously lesbian police officer with sex to get out of a urinating in public ticket.”_   Solo stayed quiet.

Jack had been trying to get Jyn's attention all through brunch  but he kept getting interrupted, either by Marisol who kept complimenting Jyn on her singing, or Leia who was trying to convince Jyn to headline every gala event from now on. Jack had to tell her something before -

Then he felt a hard punch on his leg.  _Ouch - shit._ Jyn.

“What is he doing here,” she whispered to him, her voice like ice.

Damon.

“I didn't think he would come and uh . .  I was a bit . . . Uh less than sober when I invited him.”

Cassian had been talking to Ethan when he noticed Damon. He possessively pulled Jyn closer to him, frowning.

Damon shook hands with everyone then came up to Jyn.

“Can I talk to you for a second?” Jyn bit her lip. She didn't want to leave Cassian but then he gently nudged her, as if to say it was okay.

They went outside to the restaurant’s balcony that overlooked the beach.

Damon turned to her, his green eyes muted.

“I'm sorry for just showing up yesterday. I hope I didn't cause any problems?” He said, glancing towards Cassian.

Jyn smiled at Damon. “It's okay, we’re good.”

“Jyn, I . . . yesterday, I did come with an ulterior motive. I thought that just maybe . . . we could. . .”

She looked at him sadly, “Oh Damon.”

He went on. “Last night when you sang the second song I thought even if you did come back to me, you were broken.”

Jyn nodded her head, her smile faint, understanding, sad because it was true.

“But . . . looking at you yesterday, afterwards. I realized you're not broken. You . . . just have a few cracks that need to be mended.”

Jyn looked at Cassian inside the restaurant, talking animatedly with Leia. “Yeah, I'm working on that.”

“I want you to be happy, Jyn. Are you?”

She was still staring at Cassian inside the restaurant, transfixed by him. How handsome and easygoing and loving he was. “I’m getting there, Damon, I’m getting there.”

He followed her line of sight and shifted uncomfortably.

“Are you staying for brunch?” Jyn asked.

“Nah, I've got a plane to catch.” He enveloped her in a hug. “ You take care of yourself, Jyn.”

 Jyn hugged him back and they said their good-byes.

Cassian raised his eyebrows when he saw Jyn come back alone. “Everything okay,” he murmured to her quietly.

 She nodded her head. “Now that I'm here with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for the comments. Also when I see the kudos from names I recognize of writers of stories that I've been following, I get all warm and gooey because I can't believe these amazing writers are reading my work and giving me kudos. 
> 
> Sorry for the delay in posting. This is one of those works where I had the beginning, the middle and the end almost finished but still had some filler chapters to write.


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn wants to do something special for Cassian however she has to enlist help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some serious fluffiness coming up.

The boys were spending the week at her dads so she took the time to reconnect with Cassian. She helped him move in, picking out basic things he needed such as linens, towels and small kitchen supplies. _“You definitely need more sheets,” she had told him cheekily, after washing his one set for the second time after their third night together._ He still owned his home in Mexico and didn't want to ship everything out to California. Plus he didn’t want to get everything all at once. Just enough things to get by. He had an ulterior motive for not wanting to buy everything all at once. But he knew better than to mention that to Jyn. _He’d rather wait a couple of months before he brought it up._

It was Wednesday and he had to drive into Los Angeles for work. Jyn was laying out by his pool, scrolling through her iPad checking emails when she noticed the date. _Has it been a year already?_ She thought back to the timing of when she went to Hawaii and she had left right after last year’s gala so yeah, her and Cassian had known each other for a year. She wanted to do something special to celebrate the occasion. _God help me, I’m becoming a girlfriend._

She figured she would make a nice dinner, maybe one of his favorites. She drove to the grocery store when it struck her that she had no idea what his favorite meals were. He liked the flank steak when she cooked it but he always had her add spices and lime juice to marinade it. _You know, there is a way you could find out and still surprise him._ She was sure she could google it - God knows, that man did so many talk show interviews, she was sure she could find out. But she hated to find out about him _that way._ So instead, she made a phone call.

“Marisol, it’s Jyn.”

“Hey stranger, how’s your vacation? _Getting a lot of rest?”_ She asked, suggestively.

Jyn ignored her. “I need you to find out what Cassian’s favorite dish is.”

“Uhhh . . . you know that in the time it took you to call me, you could’ve just googled it.”

“I don’t _google_ him,” Jyn said, a taste of disdain in her mouth. “It’s an invasion of privacy. Can you do it or what?” She asked, getting impatient.

She heard Marisol typing. “He likes chilaquiles.”

“Chili kill what?”

“Chilaquiles. Hmmm it’s delish. It’s a mexican dish - fried tortilla chips with cheese, eggs and a spicy sauce, like a salsa.”

“Okay, so how do I make them?”

“Uh . . .Jyn . . . chilaquiles aren’t something that you can just whip up. From what I recall with your cooking, you’re a sandwich and salad kind of gal. When you grill, all you use is salt and pepper. This requires some knowledge of seasonings.”

Jyn deliberated for a moment. “Okay Mari - you still owe me for that fucking trip to Lake Tahoe. You need to come over and help me.”

“OMG, you’re inviting me over to his house?”

“Yes, but no snooping. And you have to leave before he gets here. I want him to think that I made everything.”

Marisol arrived about an hour later.  The kitchen was a mess. Jyn had no idea what kind of chiles to buy so she bought every single one in the vegetable section. Then Marisol didn’t tell her if she should buy flour or corn tortillas and _what was the difference between yellow and white corn tortillas? And did it matter what size eggs she should buy? Why were there so many freaking choices?_ She was starting to panic.

Marisol took one look at the kitchen, poured a glass of wine for Jyn and ordered her outside.

Jyn had started to doze off on the lounge chair when Marisol plopped down on the one next to her, sweaty from slaving over the stove. “Okay, I think I’ve repaid my debt to you. Everything is ready and in the oven. The only thing you have to do is pour the sauce over the food right before you serve it.”

Jyn glanced over at Marisol, smiling. “You’re a lifesaver, you know that, right? I think I owe you.”

Marisol shrugged. “So . . . why the special dinner? You making up or breaking up again?”

Jyn pursed her lips at her. “No, it’s not any of that. It’s . . . and you better swear not to breathe a word of this, it’s  . . . our anniversary dinner.”

Marisol quickly did the math. “I KNEW IT!” She shrieked. “I knew you two hooked up in Hawaii.” She was gleeful. “Oh man, Lindsey and Ethan owe me twenty bucks.”

“You guys made a fucking bet on me?” Jyn didn’t know whether to be mad or entertained.

Marisol backtracked, trying to explain. “It wasn’t so much of a bet . . .  more of a ‘are they friends or are they _friends friends’_ kind of bet that we made when he first came to visit you.”

“Well, I’m glad I could help you out financially. Any other bets I could help you win?”

Marisol thought of the various ones going in the office. There was the one on when they would break up again, the 50/50 bet on if she would get knocked up, the pool going around on when they would get engaged, married. Then there was the one that really pissed Jack off. _The one where Jyn would leave  . . . to be with Cassian_. Marisol liked that one. Not that she wanted Jyn to quit but she wanted her to have so much more than just her job. She could afford to leave. Not too many people had that option.

“Nope, none that I can think of” Marisol lied, her face smooth.

“Thanks so much for helping me,” Jyn said, unsure how to show gratitude. She hated asking for help and she wasn’t too sure how to show thanks.

Marisol winked at her. “Girl, you got me out of the office for the day, I should be thanking you.”

* * *

 

Cassian came back from work to a familiar smell. Home.

Jyn walked into the living room having just changed. She was barefoot, wearing a light blue sundress. Cassian marveled at how beautiful she was. Her skin was starting to get some color from being out in the sun.

 _She doesn’t even know how much she glows._ He could get use to coming home to this . . .  every day.

He pulled her into a kiss. 

“It smells delicious in here. What did you make?”

She looked up at him, not quite meeting his eyes but looking past him, towards the ocean. “You’ll see. You ready for dinner?”

He nuzzled her neck, growling. “I’m ready to _eat_ something.”

She stepped back, swatting him. “Don’t be crude. Wash up and I’ll set the table.”

Cassian sat down and looked up in surprise when she gave him his plate. “You know how to make chilaquiles?”

She smiled, again not meeting his eyes. “Yup.” _Technically she wasn’t lying. Knowing versus doing were two completely different things._

He looked at her surprised and wonder in his face. “What’s the occas-?”

Then it dawned on him. He was surprised she remembered. She didn’t seem like the type to do _this._ He had been planning on buying her a little trinket but he was thinking of their anniversary as a different date. The day at the beach. Their first official date.

“It’s been a year since we first met.”

She nodded at him, grinning.

“Soooo . . . is this our official anniversary date?”

Jyn frowned at him. “What day are you thinking of?” Then they both replied at the same time.

“When we had sex?” _From Jyn._

“When we went to the beach?” _From Cassian._

They both laughed. Jyn looked at him, thinking back to those two weeks. How she opened up to him on the beach. And their kisses, so new yet so passionate. She enthusiastically nodded her head. “I like the beach date, let’s go with that from now on.”

Cassian was ecstatic. It’s not that he didn’t doubt they would be together but her thinking and planning on something as simple as the anniversary of their first date, meant so much to him. _It meant that she was thinking in the long term, of future years, celebrating this with him._

 

He was trying to help her wash dishes but he kept distracting her. He would drop soft kisses on the side of her neck, back of her neck, behind her ear. She finally threw some water at him and turned around. He immediately braced both of his arms on the sink trapping her between him and the counter. .

“You’re awful! Let me finish these.”

He pressed into her. “Let’s finish something else,” he murmured, biting her softly on the side of her neck. He turned her towards the bedroom, walking her backwards until the back of her knees hit the bed.

She ran her hands up his shirt, tracing lines up and down his stomach, her small hands dipping below the waistband of his pants. “Querida, you keep doing that and this won’t be very long.”

“There’s still dishes that need to be washed,” she murmured, kissing his chin, his face and then finally settling on his lips.

“They can wait,” he growled, pulling her down onto the bed with him, both kissing each other senselessly.

 

She was snuggled up to him, her breath lightly tickling his chest. He was stroking her back, thinking. “So next week on our _official_ anniversary date, are you going to make chilaquiles again?”

Jyn stilled.

“How’d you know?”

He started laughing. “Jyn! You don’t think I know how you cook? Your boys tastebuds consisted of sandwiches, salads and cereal before I came along. Who helped you? Marisol?”

She nodded her head in defeat. “I wanted to do something special . . .”

He pulled her tighter to him, “Honey the only thing special I need is you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right so I think chilaquiles can be made different ways so no judging.


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian meets Jyn's family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right . . . . starting to get on the angst train. Only this chapter and the next one. But it's between Jyn and her family. I promise to leave Cassian and Jyn alone now.

It was Friday night and they were watching TV, Jyn cuddled up against him. She fit perfectly into his side, his arm tight around her and her head on his chest.

He had been quiet all evening. Brooding.

Jyn finally asked him what was on his mind.

 

_Draven had called him giving him the final schedule for the filming of the movie, then the press tours and the opening night release and then the talk show schedules afterwards.  He had known it would be a lot of time away but now, when things were so good, he just . . . he was worried. Her husband had chose his job over her and he never did get an answer on what happened with Damon._

 

He stayed quiet, trying to figure out how to ask and not wanting her to get mad.

“On Sunday . . . when Damon showed up, was he . . . did he  . . . want to get back together?”

Jyn looked at him, her eyes softening. “He . . . apologized for coming. He thought that maybe  . . .  but after hearing me at the gala, he realized that it was you. And only you.”

He nodded his head. “What happened when you two were together? I . . . I’m sorry for asking. I just . . . I don’t want us to make the same mistake. Every day we spend together, Jyn, and I don’t want to lose you.”

She sighed. “Oh Cass . . . that could never happen. It was me, my fault. I . . . please don’t think there’s similarities. I was angry back then, emotional. Still - I still am, but I was grieving bad. Damon was a welcome distraction but he wanted more and I didn’t. I wasn’t good at communicating and stood him up . . . on the day he was going to propose. I was a coward.”

Cassian winced.

She cupped his face, making him look at her. “Why are you feeling like this?”

He looked away. “I don’t want to leave you when I go to shoot the movie. I’m worried . . .  you’ll feel that I _left._ I’m worried it’s going to take longer than seven months. I’m worried the kids will think I left them. _”_

Just when Jyn thought she couldn’t love him any more than she did, he would say or do something that would just make her want to cry from loving him too much. Her eyes started watering.

“Cassian. I’ll never think that of you. I’ll be fine. We’re in a different place than we were months ago. I love you,” she declared, looking at him directly. “We’ll be fine.” She pressed her lips to his, scrambling to get in his lap, kissing him intensely, settling her hips against his.

“Querida . . .,” he murmured, lifting up her shirt, running his hands up and down her back. Desire took over them as he slid her sleep shorts off of her and she deftly unzipped him. She lifted her hips up and settled down on top of him, stretched tight. She sprinkled kisses over his face, his chest, murmuring words of love to him. They were content just staying still, kissing each other, until finally he thrust up and she pushed down, and mini explosions went off which caused them to frantically tighten their arms around each other, both promising to never let go.

 

They both fell asleep on the couch, wrapped up in each other’s arms. She nudged him awake. Their week together, of quiet and peace and passion was over.  “I have to pick up the boys from my dad today. Do you want to come with me?”

Cassian's eyes went wide. “Oh. . .  You want me to go with you?” Cassian was hesitant. Jyn's dad had been in the military. He probably had guns in the house. Cassian wasn't a US citizen. Who knows what the boys told him? Who knows what _Kate_ told him? He eyed Jyn - seeing if an outside observer could tell what she had been doing the night before (or whom she had been doing). He ran through the list of things that could go wrong in meeting Galen Erso. If he was any indication of where Jyn got her temper from then the list was pretty exhaustive. And violent.

“Cass?” Jyn was looking at him, her sea colored eyes wide and pleading.

Lost in her eyes, he nodded. How could he say no?

 

The drive to San Diego was short. Jyn could tell Cassian was a ball of nerves. He kept muttering that traffic was light.

She patted his hand, trying to reassure him. “Stop worrying. My dad isn't scary.”

He glanced at her, then moved his eyes to focus on the road. “Have you . . . ever mentioned me?”

Jyn grew quiet.

“Jyn! Does your dad even know I'm coming?”

She grabbed his hand, looking out at the ocean as they drove. “Cass . . . my dad and I have a complicated relationship. I’ve never really talked to him much about my personal life. He never approved of Alec and so I've always kept my life to myself.” She swallowed, still finding it hard to say the next words. “After  _the accident_ , it became harder for all of us to be around each other. It wasn't until recently when we started reconnecting.”

It didn't take Cassian long to figure out what prompted them to reconcile. “Teddy's car accident?”

Jyn nodded, reflecting back on the day after Teddy’s accident.

 

_Cassian had just dropped her off to pick up her car at work after their morning at the beach. Jyn drove home, feeling like she had just gone through a battle. Walking Cassian through her grief the last 10 years had been painful and exhausting. She hoped she'd be able to break through the clouds that surrounded her and grab the warm sunlight he was offering._

_She pulled up to her house and saw an unfamiliar car in the driveway, thinking Kate had a friend over._

_It was her dad._

_He opened the door, greeting her, “Jyn!”_

_She wanted to be aloof, keep her emotions in check, have an inane conversation like when did he get a new car. He must have seen the sadness, melancholy in her._

_“Jyn-Kat, what’s wrong, honey?”_

_Her lip trembled, and then the dam opened. She ran to him and hugged him. “Papa.”_

_She started sobbing, trying to get the words out. “I . . . was so scared for Teddy yesterday. I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to him or Jake.”_

_Galen rubbed her back, soothingly. “Shhhh . . .sweetie. It’s okay. He’s fine, he’s going to be fine. It was just an accident. That’s why I came down - I wanted to make sure you three - er - four are fine.”_

_Jyn was still trying to calm down.  “I . . . Papa . . . it was just an accident for mom and them too and look what happened. My babies - I couldn’t live with myself. I’ve been grieving for ten years Papa and they were my sisters! I don’t know how you  . . . I never knew what you felt until yesterday for a moment. And you lost more. I’m so sorry, Papa, I’m so sorry for not being here for you. I don’t know how you did it.”_

_Galen was crying too. Finally, Jyn, was opening up to him. It took her ten years and she was finally showing her grief._

_“Oh honey. It’s one day at a time. There are days I wake up and I think that Lyra is still here and I start planning out the day, then I realize that she’s gone and that your sisters are gone, and it’s like learning they died all over again.” He swallowed, trying to keep himself together. “There’s good days and bad days. All I do is to keep on living and have faith. There’s a reason why we’re still here and it’s because Kate and your boys need you, me and your brother in their lives. That’s what keeps me going, sweetie. You. Teddy. Jake. Kate.”_

 

_They talked for hours, Kate joining them, regaling Galen with stories of school and her new job. The boys loved having Grandpa over. They played with him outside, showed him silly youtube videos they made of each other. Galen offered to make dinner so she ran to the store to buy some food._

_It wasn’t until later, while Galen was cooking, when Jyn was telling him about the call from the school and the hospital. She didn’t want to get onto the subject of Cassian so she slightly weaved him out of the story._

_Which is impossible to do when you have two boys that have the biggest mouths in the world._

_Jake had run up to the BBQ, grabbing a piece of meat Galen had been tending over. Munching on his food, Jake said, “Mom, you should invite Cassian over.”_

_Jyn’s eyes went wide, glancing to her father, hoping he didn’t hear._

_Of course, nothing went as Jyn hoped._

_Galen looked up. “Who’s Cassian?”_

 

“So . . . your dad thinks I’m a friend, doesn’t know I’m coming, nor does he know we dated last year _which tell me how you snuck that one past him_ ?” Cassian was trying hard not to be mad - he was more hurt. He understood though. _He had neglected to tell his family too. But it had all been so new, so different. As if telling people would ruin it for them._

“Well . . . I think he has an idea that you’re more than a friend but he didn’t push the subject.”

_Great, Cassian thought. He didn’t even rank high enough to be a blip on Galen Erso’s radar._

They arrived at Galen’s house. It was a modest home, similar to the type of neighborhood Jyn lived in. He had never been nervous before meeting someone. But Jyn’s dad, _this man,_ had his nerves shot. Jyn glanced over at him.

“It’s going to be okay,” she reassured him again, grabbing his hand and gently squeezing it.

Jyn rang the doorbell. She could hear the boys running around, yelling and Galen patiently telling them to behave.

The door opened. Cassian quickly snatched his hand away from Jyn’s, not catching her exaggerated eye roll. If Cassian had met Galen Erso randomly he would’ve known he was Jyn’s dad. It was the eyes. The same sea-colored eyes as Jyn. His hair was a light brown, graying. He was tall and would have been imposing if not for the gentle smile on his face.

“Papa.”

“Jyn-Kat! You came early.”

Cassian glanced over at Jyn. _Jyn-cat?_ She shook her head as if to say _I’ll tell you later._

“Papa, this is Cassian.”

Cassian stuck his hand out. “Nice to meet you, sir” Galen shook his hand warmly. “Please call me Galen. C’mon inside.”

Galen looked over at Cassian. “You know when Jyn mentioned _her friend Cassian,_ she didn’t say Cassian Andor.” Cassian looked at him in surprise. Galen remembered fondly. “My wife was a fan of telenovelas. She would always watch them and then when she would watch Kate, they would sit on the couch and watch them together. I swear Kate was the only kindergartner that wasn’t into the Disney or Cartoon Network shows. It was always the telenovelas.”

Cassian had to smile. That explained so much. Kate would watch the soap operas with her grandma. Then Kate would watch the boys and watch the soap operas. It finally clicked how this random family, who can barely speak conversational spanish, had a thing for telenovelas.

 

Galen invited them to stay for dinner. Cassian helped him out getting the food ready to grill while Jyn played a rough game of freeze tag with the boys. After a particular rough tackle by Jyn, Jake begged for her to let them rest. Cassian smiled, shaking his head at her. He recalled her being worried that she wasn’t enough for the boys but they could barely keep up with her. He watched Galen watch them. The elderly man looked so happy, as if finding a new found love in his life and not wanting to let go. Cassian knew exactly how the older man felt.

 Galen was keeping an eye on Cassian. He was the first guy other than Alec that Jyn had introduced to him. He knew she must be serious. He liked him. He had a feeling Cassian was the reason Jyn was changing - for the better. He was completely different than Alec. She was fine before but there was a light to her now that had been missing for so long. He ached for the years he and Jyn had lost, both drowning in their grief that neither knew how to save each other. Now if he could just get Jyn and her brother to make amends, life would be good. Which gave him an idea . . .

Jyn was setting the table when the doorbell rang. She looked up, surprised.

 “Jyn, can you get the door,” her dad shouted from outside. He was showing Cassian the fine art of grilling.

Jyn went to the door and opened it.

It was her brother. Callen Erso.

Both were surprised.

Jyn went to give him an awkward hug. “Hi, brother. Didn’t know you were coming over.” _I would have left hours ago, had I known._ She had a sneaky suspicion that her dad was behind this.

It’s not that Jyn didn’t love her brother. She did. But they were never close to begin with. He was twelve years older than her and she was always the bratty little sister. When the accident happened, they grew further apart. Then she had a falling out with both him and her dad.

“Oh . . . Pops gave me a call and invited me over. Said you were here. Figured it had been a while since we had seen each other.”

_Yeah, there’s a reason for that, Jyn thought._

Callen looked outside, a frown forming on his face. “Who’s the guy outside with Pops?”

Jyn tensed. Callen never saw eye to eye with her on her boyfriends. While she never brought any around the house, he was aware of the ones she had dated and never had a kind word. If he said anything rude about Cassian she was going to hit him. Hard.

She tried to act casual. “Uh . . . a friend of mine. Cassian.”

Callen looked at him more, his face showing a sign of excitement. “Hey isn’t that the guy that’s going to be in the new Star Wars movie? Where did you get him from?”

_As if he was a pet._

Jyn sighed. No need to worry about Callen’s opinion of Cassian. He already had a fan.

 

Dinner was a boisterous affair. The kids and Cassian kept the conversation going with Galen and Callen chiming in every now and then. Jyn was trying to relax and take it all on in but her brother had her on edge. Galen noticed it was getting late and asked if Jyn and Cassian wanted to stay the night.

Cassian looked at him in surprise. “Oh . . . that’s okay, I don’t want to impose.”

Jyn bit her lip. She should have warned Cassian that her dad liked to have people overnight but she figured that would’ve freaked him out more. It was his thing. She always came prepared with an extra pair of clothes.

Galen insisted. “I don’t want you two driving back this late. It’s not an imposition at all. You can sleep in the boys room and they can sleep on the couch?”

The boys both looked at Cassian, daring him to take their room. Then Jacob grinned mischievously. _Oh no, don't say -_

 _"_ Cassian doesn't mind the couch, Grandpa. He's slept on ours before,” he piped up, all sweet and innocent.

Jyn's eyes went wide. Cassian pinched the bridge of his nose. Galen raised his eyebrows and Callen laughed discreetly into his napkin.

The boys eyed Cassian, daring him to take their room, eyes round, brown and steely. _Jeez, I guess friendship only goes so far in this family. It’s each out for their own when it comes to sleeping arrangements.”_

“I don’t mind the couch - it’s fine.”

 

Jyn was finishing up the dishes when her brother came in the kitchen. Her dad and Cassian were outside cleaning the BBQ. “I’m going to leave - have a nice _sleepover,_ ” he said snidely.

Jyn glared at him. “Shut it. You know Pops gets lonely.”

Her brothers face grew serious. “Jyn are we okay?”

She stilled, turning off the faucet, facing him, expressionless. “Uhh yeah? Why wouldn’t we?”

“I just . . . I want us to be okay. It seems like you and Dad are good but you still seem mad at me.”

“Nope, not mad.” Jyn didn’t want to go there. Not today. Not with Cassian here. But her brother was pushing her.

"Can you be a grown up for once in your life and be honest?” 

_And he went there._

“Goddamnit. I don’t want to talk about this now but your fucking insisting. Yes, I’m mad at you. I’ve been furious with you for the past ten years!”

Callen looked away, a pained expression on his face.

Jyn went in for the kill. “Oh . . . now you’re feeling bad? Now you don’t want me to say anything. Make up your mind, Cal. I can turn the switch off just as easily, just don’t expect much.”

“Jyn . . . it’s been a long time. Can’t you forgive me?”

“Forgive you for what? There’s nothing to forgive. You chose to move on and forget _them._  I didn’t. I couldn’t.”

“Goddamnit Jyn. Dad and I both didn’t want to. But you were too stubborn, you wouldn’t let us heal.”

 Jyn gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. “You didn’t think I needed to? That was how I survived, big brother. By fighting for them. And where the fuck were you when Alec died? I could’ve cared less if you didn’t like him but you at least could have been there for your niece and nephews. Fuck you!”

Out of sheer temper, Jyn threw the closest thing she had at him which was a tupperware container and nabbed him right in the face. It was immature and childish, but she felt better. She stormed out the front door, slamming it on her way out.

 

Cassian looked towards the kitchen window when he heard the fighting. He had seen Jyn’s temper before and by the look in her eyes, her brother was right in the line of fire. Before he could make a move to go inside, Galen stopped him.

“Leave them. This has been a long time coming. I’m sorry you have to see this. Not a good impression I wanted my family to make on you.”

Cassian didn’t want to intrude and ask what they were arguing about. Trying to make light of the situation, he said casually, “oh . . . I’ve been on the receiving end of that temper. Just glad it’s not me.”

Which then turned the conversation towards Cassian.

 

“So,” Galen asked casually, scrubbing the BBQ grills, “how long have you and Jyn been dating?”

_Awkward._

The actor came out in Cassian. “We’ve known each for about a year now.”

Galen picked up on the omission, his eyes turning a steely shade of gray. “Doesn’t answer my question, son.”

Cassian flinched. “Uh . . . we met last year around this time. Went out for a couple of months,” he added hesitantly, trying to gauge his reaction. Jyn was the one that broke his heart so Galen shouldn’t be upset at him. “Then started dating again recently.” _Which was last week._

Galen eyed him. “Hmmm. The boys mentioned a friend of their mom’s last summer but they said Cass so I just thought it was a _girlfriend_ of hers.”

He looked thoughtful. “She broke up with you, huh?”

Cassian nodded, a sad look crossing his face.

“And you still stuck around?”

He nodded again.

“Atta boy,” Galen smiled, patting Cassian on the back.

 

Jyn just needed to breath. She had to get out of the house or she was going to throw something far worse at her brother. _Like a knife or a big glass or a crystal vase. Something that could do harm._ She got a text on her phone.

It was Cassian. _Your brother had to go. You can come back now._

Jyn groaned. Ughh . . . she hoped Cassian didn’t hear them fighting. She began walking back towards her dad’s house.

The house was quiet when she walked in. Cassian was sitting on the couch, sheets and blankets piled neatly on the side, watching TV.

“My dad? The boys?”

“They went upstairs to bed.”

“Oh. Sorry I left you alone.” She sat down on the couch next to him. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. She rested her head on his shoulder.

“It’s okay. Your brother’s face looked a little red when he left. Did you throw something at him?”

Jyn scowled. “A bowl. I couldn’t find something sharper or heavier.

Cassian shook his head. “Jyn.”

She looked up at him, her eyes pleading with him. To make her forget. He could tell she didn’t want to talk about it. She lifted her face up to kiss him. He kissed her lightly back. Moaning softly, Jyn cupped his head to hers, trying to deepen the kiss.

Cassian pulled back. “Jyn,” he whispered. “We’re in your dad’s house. No way.”

She protested, running her hand up his arm. “Cass,” she murmured, smiling into his lips, “His room is upstairs on the other side. Beside’s he getting old, his hearing isn’t what it used to be.”

“Uh uh. Not going there. Besides the kids are here too - what happened to our single parent etiquette rule.”

She pouted.

Cassian grew serious. “Jyn . . . honey. I . . . believe me, I want to. But I don’t want . . .,” he said, waving between the two of them, “to be a distraction. When we’re together, I want you,” he added, caressing her hair, bringing his hand down to her heart, placing it there.  “All of you.”

She stayed quiet, looking away, rubbing her eyes. Cassian didn’t want to push.

“Do you want to tell me what you and your brother were arguing about?” She shook her head, angrily brushing the tears from her face.

“I can’t . . . not today,” she whispered.

“I understand.” He could feel the tension in her, she was practically vibrating with it. He wished he could take it all away - the pain, the grief, the loss. But he knew she had to work through it on her own. She laid her head down on his lap, facing the TV. He drew circles on her back, trying to help her relax.  Eventually her breathing grew even and he could tell she had fallen asleep. He grabbed one of the pillows and gently lifted her head up, putting the pillow underneath. He wanted to make sure she was comfortable, safe. He could care less about his own comfort. He propped his feet on the coffee table and rested his head on the back of the couch.

 

Jyn dreamt of her sisters that night. She used to have nightmares after the accident, hearing the screeching of the tires and the car exploding. But this dream was different. _It was her and her dad. There was some kind of celebration - a wedding or party? In her dream, Jyn was missing her sisters wishing they could be there and Galen wanting Lyra. And God had brought her sisters, her mom and Eve back for this one party, knowing how much Jyn and her dad and even her stupid brother wanted them there. They danced, they celebrated and everyone was so happy. Tears came to Jyn’s eyes at how happy she was. She wasn’t sad or angry anymore. She knew that they could only be there for that one night but that was all they needed. Just this one night. To have them back and tell them how much she loved them and to tell them goodbye. She got this one chance at having more time and she relished it, knowing that she would never get it again._

Cassian woke up. His arm was wet. Puzzled, he looked down at Jyn. She was still asleep but he could see the tears on her face. His heart broke for her. _She was crying in her sleep._ She didn’t seem like she was having a nightmare so instead of waking her, he went back to gently drawing circles on her back, whispering words of reassurance and love to her.

Jyn slowly opened her eyes. Cassian and her were both sleeping on the couch. At some point in the night, he must have put her pillow underneath her. She shook her head - this man was too kind. Her heart was bursting with love for him.

She quietly got up and then tucked a blanket around him. She had something she needed to do. She dressed in her clothes and went for a run.


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian finally finds out about the rift between Jyn and her brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Throwing a song in here - "Sister" by the Nixons.

_Here I am again,_  
_Overwhelming feelings_  
_A thousand miles away_  
_From your ocean home_  
_Part of me is near_  
  
_Thoughts of what we were invade_  
_The miles that stand between_  
_We can't separate_  
_Your all I hoped you'd become_  
  
_Sister I see you_  
_Dancing on the stage_  
_Of memory_  
_Sister I miss you_

The place was about three miles away from her dad’s house but she could never forget how to get there. Grass, cement and blue skies surrounded her. Their headstones were simple, just their names, date of birth and date of death. Jyn didn’t even remember ordering them. Everything was such a blur.

It had been so long since she had visited them. The last time was six years ago, when everything had finally ended. She had felt so empty, lacking feeling that she almost felt that it was sacrilegious to visit them with so little feelings. But today was different. Her dream last night meant something. It meant she could move on.

“I miss you two so much,” Jyn started, she bit her lip, trying to keep it from trembling. “I’m sorry I haven’t been by. I just . . .it was too hard. I’ve been so mad, so mad at you two for leaving me, that I didn’t want to see you, or Papa or Callen. But I’m trying to be good now, better.”

Fleeting visits pass  
_Still they satisfy_  
_Reminders of the next_  
_Overshadow goodbye_  
_Our flames burn as one_  
  
_Sister I see you_  
_Dancing on the stage_  
_Of memory_  
_Sister I miss you_

She paused, trying to collect her thoughts. Staring at the sun starting to rise.

“I met someone. You two would have liked him. He’s kind, smart. He’s a fucking talker. A chatty Cathy.  He’s the exact opposite of Alec. Warm, funny. And he loves me and my kids. And he keeps coming back. No matter how hard I tried to push him away, he keeps coming back to me. He’s making me be a better person.”

All I am begins with you  
_Thoughts of hope understood_  
_Half of me breathes in you_  
_Thoughts of love remain true_  
  
_Here we are again saying goodbye_  
_Still we fall asleep underneath the same sky_  
_You're all I knew you'd become_  
  
“I’ll never stop missing you guys.”

At this point, Jyn was crying, sobbing. Barely able to breath.

“I wish you were still here. I wish you had seen me get my degrees. I wish you could see the young, beautiful woman Katy has become. I wish my boys could remember you, I wish you could see the young men they’re growing up to be. There are so many things I wish for but I just wish you were here. It’s so hard. I have no idea what I’m doing. I’m so tired of being mad at Callen and I just want you, someone, anyone to tell me everything is going to be okay.”

Sister I see you  
_Dancing on the stage_  
_Of memory_  
_Sister I miss you_  
  
“Jyn.”

It was Callen.

She didn’t hear him come up. She didn’t know how long he had been there but tears were streaming down his face. Both of their sea colored eyes a startling blue.

She couldn’t help herself. Her grief immediately turned to anger. 

“Go away.” It didn’t sound as angry as she wanted it to.

“Jyn, please, hear me out.”

She refused to look at him.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was selfish, Jyn. I should have been there for you and I wasn’t. I was so sad, I couldn’t believe Evie was gone. A part of me didn’t realize that the other half of our family was gone too. And that I had lost you until it was too late.”

“I should have supported you through the lawsuit. I just . . . the thought of having to go through with it and hear the details of the accident over and over again. I couldn’t. I  . . . there was nothing left of them except teeth, Jyn. Fucking teeth. The four most beautiful women in my life and the only way to identify their fucking bodies was dental records.”

Jyn flinched, remembering that.

“You were the strong one, Jyn. Not me. Not Pops. Neither one of us could function but you did everything.”

Jyn finally spoke. “It was the only way I survived. I had to shut it down. Stay busy. Focus on the boys.”

She didn’t realize how close they were standing. There had been so much distance between the two of them.

 _There still was_.

He reached out and touched her arm tentatively.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there when Alec died. I  . . . I just couldn’t. Not with them dying so close together, I couldn’t handle anyone else’s sadness. Knowing how I felt and what Dad was going through, I couldn’t bear to see that on you.”

Jyn stayed still, not returning his touch, but not rejecting it either.  She was uncomfortable. _Callen didn’t know that Alec and her were finished at the time of his death. Nobody knew. She had kept everything to herself, not letting anybody in._

_Maybe now was the time to start._

She spoke slowly. “I  . . . when he died, we weren’t doing good, Cal. I don’t know how much longer we would have stayed married.”

Callen looked at her, surprise and a flash of hurt in his eyes. That nobody told him.

Jyn went on. “I don’t want you to feel that what I felt when he died was the same as what you and Dad went through. It wasn’t. I missed the man I met and the father I wish that he was but the grief wasn’t the same.”

Callen realized what Jyn was doing. _It was a tiny act of forgiveness. Not her complete forgiveness but at least it was something._

They stood there, both staring at the graves of their sisters.

“I remember how they were the day you were born. They were so happy when Mom came home with you. She was exhausted and right away, they scooped you up away from her and promised to take care of you and look after you forever. You were like their child, a little doll they could play with and love.”

Jyn had never heard this story before. “What did you do?”

Callen looked at her, finally smiling. “I saw your eyes. And knew I was going to have to scare the boys away.” He looked up, noticing a figure in the distance. “Apparently I missed some of them,” he said.

It was Cassian.

Jyn smiled. “Believe me. I’ve tried scaring him off and he still comes back. Doubt it would’ve worked.”

_Entwined, you and I_

_Our souls speak from across the miles_  
_Intertwined, you and I_  
_Our blood flows from the same inside_  
_Half of me, breathes in you_  
_Thoughts of love remain true_  
  
_I see you, I feel you_  
_When I close my eyes_  
_I see walking there..._ _  
I see you dancing in my mind_

 

Cassian had tracked Jyn down to the cemetery. Or rather her kids did. He figured she had gone for a run but after a couple of hours when she didn’t come back, he had begun to worry. The kids, who unknowing to Jyn, had added her to their app to find their friends and tracked her using her iPhone. Cassian, not familiar with the area gave the address to Galen who immediately paled.

Cassian wanted to go to her right away but Galen thought she would be fine. Plus he wanted to talk to him.

_“I know Jyn told you about her sisters and her mother. Did she ever talk to you about afterwards?”_

_Cassian felt uncomfortable. Jyn was so mad when she found out Jack had told Cassian about her family dying. He didn’t want Galen to tell him something Jyn wouldn’t._

_“She hasn’t said much. Mostly she told me about what happened when Alec died. But she can tell me when she’s ready.”_

_Galen understood. He wanted Cassian to understand him and Callen though. Defense was the best offense._

_“When the accident happened, Jyn, she was so angry. She wanted to go after the company that the truck driver worked for. Cal and I . . . disagreed with her. It wouldn’t bring them back. We just wanted to move on. But she insisted. And we didn’t support her. She went through it, won against all odds and we . . . in a sense, left her behind.”_

_Cassian was furious. He tried to reign in his temper. Everyone thought he was so mellow and smooth but his fury was just below the surface waiting to be ignited._

_“DO you have any idea what that did to Jyn? Not being there for her? Leaving her? Abandoning her? Do you think that’s the first time this crazy family has done that to her?”_

_Galen, startled by Cassian’s outburst, looked at him in surprise._

_“I don’t understand.”_

_“Jyn has felt abandoned her whole life, Galen. I’m presuming your career kept you away from home. A lot? Her sisters took care of her. Her mother wasn’t around - “_

_Galen started to interrupt, “Now you wait a minute, Lyra, was a good mother.”_

_“To your first two daughters, yes. But to Jyn, she wasn’t there. She let your 12 and 14 year old daughter raise her. So Jyn has these loving sisters who take care of her, watch her grow up and then they go to college. Leaving her behind. Then they all go on a road trip, again leaving Jyn behind, and the accident takes them all. Then you and Callen don’t support her. It never occurred to you why she’s been angry and distant all these years? She was hurting for chrissakes. She only has so much room in her heart and she let Katy and the boys fill it. It’s a goddamn fucking miracle she let me in.”_

_Cassian finally stopped his tirade. Belatedly he realized it probably wasn’t a good idea to yell at the father of the woman he loved but he was so tired of everyone hurting her._

_Galen finally spoke. “I . . . never knew she felt that way.” He swallowed thickly. “I was working a lot. My research in the military kept me away from home. I should’ve paid attention but I figured as long as Jyn stayed out of trouble, didn’t get arrested or didn't get pregnant, we were okay.”_

_Cassian shook his head. He thought his family was loco. Jyn's was just plain dysfunctional._

“ _I’m sorry I spoke out of turn, Galen. But your daughter means the world to me. She has so much sadness in her. I will do everything I can to make her happy. Safe.”_

_Galen stared at him, eyes shrewd. “It's okay. I . . . We have a lot to apologize for.” He looked outside at the boys playing in the yard. He hoped for more times like this. With family._

_Cassian nodded, grabbed the keys to the car and went to find Jyn._

 

Cassian walked up to Jyn, acknowledging Callen with a nod. He could tell she had been crying but she looked less tense, calm. He glanced around him - making sure there weren't any sharp objects she had thrown at her brother.

“You okay?” He asked, bringing her into an embrace.

She nodded her head, “I am now that you're here.”

“Let's go home.”

They drove back to her dads to collect the kids. Cassian was debating whether or not to tell Jyn about his outburst with her dad but decided to stay quiet. Galen could tell her if he wanted. He was waiting anxiously at the door when they arrived. Cassian went to the back yard to hang out with the kids, leaving them alone.

“Jyn-cat. Are you . . .okay?”

Jyn looked up at her dad. “I will be Papa. I’m so sorry for yesterday. I know you were only trying to help with me and Callen. I’m sorry I always cause trouble.”

“Oh honey. You have nothing to be sorry for. If anything, the two of us owe you an apology.”

“Papa, you don't owe me anything. Callen . . . well . . . we’re working on it.”

Jyn told her father about seeing him at the cemetery and their conversation. Jyn could forgive her father for anything if just not to see the look of pain and sadness in his eyes.

“Papa, it’s okay. I'm fine now . . . I’m . . .,” she looked out the back door, staring fondly at Cassian playing catch with the boys, “getting better. I'm not mad anymore.” She didn't know when the anger started leaking out of her. But all she knew is that all she had in her right now, this moment was love and passion. For her kids, her dad, and most of all, this kind man that never let her go.

 

That night once they got back to Jyn's home, they were watching TV, Jyn's head in Cassian's lap. The boys were asleep and Jyn was finally relaxing after the exhausting weekend. She owed him an explanation for the drama with her brother. She had a feeling her dad might have clued him in since Cassian hadn't asked about it. He still should hear it from her though.

He had been combing his fingers through her hair.

She turned to face him. “I'm sorry about leaving you at my dad’s house. It was rude.”

“Querida, it's okay. Your dad -,” he paused choosing his words carefully, “he mentioned a little bit of what happened.”

Jyn swallowed, taking a deep breath. “When the accident happened, I was so mad, angry. The only way I could deal was avoiding the fact that my sisters and my mom were dead and place it somewhere else. The shipping company that the driver worked for tried settling but it was ridiculous. I wanted to make them bleed. It wasn't even about the money - I wanted to show that their negligence, that them being greedy caused their deaths. So . . . I found a lawyer. This old guy who had one last fight in him and he took it.”

She paused, taking a deep breath. This part was hard.

“My dad and brother wanted me to drop it. They wanted to move on and couldn't with me hanging this on their shoulders. So . . . I did it alone. We had a big blowout - I pushed, Callen pushed back. My dad wanted the peaceful way out and took his side.”

“It took five years for it to end but I won.”

Cassian was shocked. “Five years?” Jyn nodded bitterly. He started doing the math. Five years would've been when she started up with _Damon._

“Did you feel better, after you won?”

She shook her head, a forlorn look in her eyes. “I felt . . . empty.”

It made so much sense - the timeframe. Cassian was pretty sure she didn’t even realize it. He knew she was still torn about how she treated Damon. But she started it at the worst possible time in her life and she didn’t even realize it. She was looking for something to fill that void and Damon had been there.

“Honey . . .,” he sighed, leaning his head down and breathing into her neck. “I’m so sorry you had to do this alone."

She looked up at him, eyes wide and finally sparkling. “I’m not alone anymore.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it may be awhile before I'm able to update again. Have to finish up the last few chapters.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian discuss finances. The trip to Mexico.

It was towards the end of June and Cassian was getting ready to leave, to visit his family in Mexico. He and Jyn hadn’t talked about the trip yet. He knew he was leaving before her and she would meet him out there but he wasn’t too sure when that would happen. The end of the financial year was busy for her so he knew she wouldn’t be able to go out there till mid-July. Still . . . he needed to get her and the boys their plane tickets.

He was looking at prices on his iPad one night while Jyn was watching TV. The boys were outside swimming. They had taken to his new home immediately, leaving little things behind in the spare bedrooms. _Who was he kidding, spare? He wanted those spare bedrooms to be their rooms. And he could convert the fourth one for Kate. But he didn’t dare bring it up to Jyn . . . not yet._

“Soo . . .  about Mexico,” he started off.

“Uh huh,” Jyn replied, distracted by the TV show.

He went over to the couch and took the remote from her hand. “Jyn, pay attention.”

She looked at him, eyes wide. “I’m listening.”

“I need to get your plane tickets. When were you planning on leaving?”

Jyn sat back, surprised. “Cass - I can get the tickets. You don’t have to.”

He insisted. “No, Jyn. I invited you and the boys. I want to get them.”

Now she was getting irritated. “Cass, I can get them. Don’t worry about it.”

He was getting frustrated. “Just let me buy them. I don’t want you to have to worry about it.”

Jyn stayed quiet, then her face lit up in understanding. They had never discussed finances before. She knew he did well, _like really well,_ with his movie paychecks and royalties and commercials and whatever else he had his hands into, so she figured he never had to worry. But he . . . she realized she had never told him.

“Cass . . .  I . . . you don’t have to worry about me worrying about,” she wrinkled her nose, hating to bring it up, “money.”

“But,” he tried to interrupt.

She cut him off. “I . . .  I guess it just never came up but I do . . .pretty well.”

Cassian was embarrassed. He looked down, mumbling, “I just didn’t think universities paid that well.”

Jyn nodded her head, “yeah, they don’t, not really. But . . . the field I’m in is in high demand so we get paid not too shabby so we don’t leave for other places.”

She paused, trying to figure out how to say this. _Just be honest._

“Cass, when I went after the shipping company, it was a pretty large corporation.” She gave him the name and his eyes went wide. It wasn’t just any mom and pop shop, this one was _global_. “The settlement was pretty big, about twelve.”

“Twelve thousand,” he questioned, taking a drink of his beer. _That’s not much, he thought._

Jyn laughed. “No . . .  twelve million.”

He nearly spit out what beer he had in his mouth.

She went on. “They were found grossly negligent, my lawyer found other cases that the company had strong armed other families and settled for pennies for the same thing - pushing their drivers to make impossible time with very little rest. Plus the way they calculate . . . it’s based on loss of earnings and my sisters were doing pretty good for themselves. So . . .it just added up. Of course, my lawyer, took about thirty percent,” she added, “but he deserved it. My sister Jamie . . . she had me as the sole beneficiary. I think she knew Alec and I weren’t going to last so she wanted to make sure I would be taken care of. Jess - it’s split between myself and Kate but I have a good chunk set aside for her.”

Jyn took a deep breath. “Then Alec died and he had a large policy so . . . that’s set aside for the kids.”

Cassian was still in shock. He blurted out, “Why do you still work then?”

Jyn smiled at him. “Why do you?”

“Because I like what I do.”

“Same here. It’s probably not my dream job but the people, that’s what I enjoy. They’re like my family. Plus I needed to stay busy and work allowed me to focus. I wanted Kate and the boys to have a good work ethic. What kind of example would I be setting if I didn’t work myself?”

He was thoughtful. She continued to amaze him every day. Sitting on all that and she worked hard every day as if she was fighting for her next paycheck. She could’ve taken the easy road, hired a nanny, bought a huge house but she lived so simply.

As if reading his mind, Jyn grabbed his hands and looked him in the eye. “I have everything I need. And money can’t buy that.”  


She took him to the airport, Kate staying behind to watch the boys. Cassian was a ball of nervous energy. They had spent nearly every day together since the gala and he was going to miss her. _Fuck he was going to miss her. And it was only two weeks. How the hell was he going to survive seven months?_

Jyn had mixed emotions. She could tell that Cassian missed his family but _oh_ she was going to miss him and his smile. She would meet him in just two weeks but they had been inseparable. She was borderline drawing hearts with his name on it during work meetings. _God Erso, you’ve got it bad._ She should’ve just taken off the full two months from work but she hated to leave at such a busy time and dump on her staff. Work hadn’t been the same for her lately. She was feeling . . .  disengaged, as if she knew the work would go on and on in a circular manner with no ending, no change in site.  

She insisted on parking and walking him to the check-in counter. They were both withdrawn, sad. _God, how did she function last year when they broke up. This was horrible._

He turned to her, his warm brown eyes, anxious. “Two weeks?”

She nodded, “Two weeks. I promise.”

Not one for public displays of affection, she lightly kissed him on the cheek. He started walking towards the security check in and she took one last glance at him. _Oh fuck it._

“Cassian,” she called out, running back to him. He picked her up and kissed her, hard.

“See you soon, querida,” he smiled, crookedly. And with that he was gone.

Jyn kept herself busy at work and getting ready for the trip. She wasn’t too sure what to pack. She knew he lived in Mexico City and he mentioned trips to the beach, to ruins and temples and such. She would be there a month. Plus she had to get the boys packed too. She told them to do it and when she looked at their suitcase, they had more knick knacks packed than clothes. Plus she didn’t know about his living situation. Did any of his family live with him? _Would they be able to have sex?_ She was already grumpy after a week of no physical contact.

Work was another issue. She found it harder and harder to get up every morning and make it to work on time. Was she bored? Was the job not interesting anymore? _Or have you just found something or someone more interesting?_

 _Why do you still work? He had asked._  Back then, it had been so easy just to keep the pace, stay busy, don’t focus on what she had lost. She had dove into her job because that was the only thing that kept her sane. But now, Kate was older, had turned into a hard working, young women ready to make her mark on the world. She was on year five of college, having chosen a double major in music and business. Jyn envied that, being young and having all the choices in the world to make.

The boys weren’t lazy kids, they always helped, they had even told Cassian they would clean his pool for him while he was gone. Granted it gave them an excuse to swim right afterwards, but they definitely had a good mind set about being hard little workers.

_I’m just in a funk. I’ll get out of it._

 

This time, it was Kate that had dropped them off at the airport.

“I’m so proud of you for doing this Auntie Jyn.” Kate smiled at her. Her aunt had come such a long way and for her be gone for a month, was such a big step.

Jyn smiled at her. “I’m going to miss you sweetie. I wish you were coming with us.”

Cassian had invited Kate to come too but Kate had decided to do a double major and had to go to summer school if she wanted to graduate next year.

She hugged the young girl, pulling her close to her. “Beach trip when we get back?” Kate smiled, nodding her head.

They arrived in Mexico City late at night. Cassian was waiting for them in the terminal, his brown eyes lighting up when he saw them. The boys gave him their cool guy, half hug, half pat on the shoulder thing. He grabbed Jyn and hugged her, planting a kiss on her lips.

“Ewwww . . . “

Cassian murmured against her lips. “When do the hormones kick in on them? I plan on kissing you a lot and don’t want to hear _ewww_ every single time.”

“They just get grossed out because I’m their mother.”

She hugged him again. It felt right, being here with him. “I missed you.”

“Oh mom, can you two stop . . .  ewww . . . . doing whatever it is you’re doing and let’s get our luggage,” Jacob called out, annoyed. Teddy was wrinkling his face at them too.

Cassian grabbed her hand, “C’mon, let’s take you guys home.”

Cassian lived in the heart of the city - what he called the federale district. It was a town home but California standards of town homes were way different than Mexico’s. It was similar to a two story home but spacious, with a suite for each bedroom. Jacob and Teddy took one look at their room and immediately set about making it home for the month.

“Mom, where are you going to sleep?”

Jyn's eyes went wide. It was the first time they had asked about sleeping arrangements. They had been playing it PC since they reconciled- Cassian often leaving late after the kids fell asleep. Jyn and the boys had spent the night a couple of times at his house but she made sure that they saw Cass sleeping on the couch. At some point the two would have to address the elephant in the room - _at what point would their two homes merge into one._

Thankfully Cassian intervened. “Your mom can have my bedroom and then I'll sleep in the spare.”

“You should just share a room with all that kissing you guys have been doing,” Jacob said, a look of disdain on his face.

Jyn's face burned and Cassian had the good grace to blush. “C’mon you guys, go take your showers and get to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow.”

Jyn went to go unpack and change. She found Cassian on the bottom floor, in the sunken living room, watching TV, with a beer for both of them.

She plopped down next to him, sighing.

“Long flight?” He asked, taking a drink.

“Hmmm, long two weeks,” she sighed, snuggling closer to him, her lips seeking a spot on his neck.

“Jyn,” he warned. “Our rule.”

“Fuck the rule,” she murmured, trying to get in his lap. “I _missed_ you.”

He cupped her face and kissed her. It was a short one much to her disappointment.

“Querida, can I ask you something?” He hesitated, trying to be careful, not wanting to overstep.

She was still trying to nuzzle his neck. “Hmmmm”

“Have you had the birds and the bees talk yet with the ninos?”

She stilled . . . then continued nuzzling him. “I'd rather be doing the birds and bees with you,” she whispered, nipping at his ear.

“Jyn,” he groaned. “You’re killing me.”

“Please, Cass?,” her eyes, dark green and full of desire for _him._

He gave in and grabbed her roughly to him, ripping her shirt off. “Fine, but you better be quiet.”

She grinned at him, her eyes sparkling mischievously, as her lips descended on his.

 

Later, as they were laying on the couch, Cassian brought up the subject again of the boys.

“Sooo . . . about the boys. Have you had _the talk_ with them yet? 

She looked at him, guilt on her face.

“I was kind of hoping that their school would handle it.”

“Jyn,” he scolded, “You send your boys to a Catholic school. You think they’re going to talk about sex? Do you remember sex ed when you went to Catholic school?”

She pursed her lips, shaking her head.

“I . . .I just never knew how to broach it with them. They’re boys. I remember talking to Kate about it, it was easy. But with them,” she put her head in her hands, sighing, “I just didn’t know where to start.”

“Well . . . you’re not too late but they’re bound to start asking questions.” He looked at her and hesitated. “Would you mind if I talked to them?”

She breathed a sigh of relief. “Of course not, better you than me.”

 

The next morning, Cassian was taking Jyn and the boys to meet his parents. His mom had invited them over for breakfast. Jyn was nervous. She had never met a significant others parent before. To top it off, they had all seen that stupid photo that went around the internet last year.

His parents lived outside the city in a sprawling hacienda that had a pool (much to the boys delight) and luscious landscaping that included a garden, fruit trees and flowers. When Jyn walked into the house, she thought it was going to be just his parents but his brothers, Gael and Lucas were there, both with their wives and kids. Lucas had an older daughter, Carenna, that was around sixteen that the boys immediately noticed. Even Teddy who normally thought girls were gross introduced himself as _Ted._ Jyn rolled her eyes when she heard that.

She leaned over and whispered to Cassian, “Yeah, you better have that talk with them soon. Looks like your niece has got their attention . . .”

Cassian frowned. It was one thing for them to notice girls but not his sweet niece. It was going to be a long trip.

Cassian’s mom, Sepi, immediately took to Jyn.

“Mija . . . it’s so nice to meet you,” hugging Jyn warmly. “I’m so glad you came to visit.”

“Thank God you’re finally here,” Gael piped up. “Cass has been a grouch the last two weeks.”

“Gael,” he warned, trying to elbow him to shut up.

Lucas chimed in. “Yeah, we’ve been calling him Cranky Cass.”

Jyn burst out laughing.  

Cassian started speaking to them in rapid Spanish that Jyn was sure contained some expletives.

Finally Sepi came to Cass’s defense. “Dejalo en paz. Leave him alone.”

Then they started teasing Cassian for being a mama’s boy.

Cassian rubbed his forehead. He forgot how obnoxious his brothers could be. He was ready to go back home.   


Breakfast went well. Cassian’s mom and dad loved Jyn, already calling her and the boys affectionate nick names. The boys immediately took to Sepi. Jyn realized that they’ve never had a grandmother figure in their life. They were too little to remember her mom.

They were getting ready to leave. Jyn was still feeling a bit jet lagged and wanted to rest.

Sepi hugged Jyn. “Mija, it was so nice for you to come. May the ninos stay? They wanted to help Lucas Sr. with the garden and to swim.” She asked, winking at Jyn.

Jyn eyed them curiously. She wasn’t too sure if their interest in gardening was because they saw Carenna outside by the pool. Their brown eyes were wide, pleading.

Jyn smiled and nodded. “Of course. Just call me if they start causing trouble.”

Sepi hugged Teddy close to her, smiling. “Not these precious angels.”

 

The month passed by too fast. Cassian had Jyn and the boys out and about every day. They visited various beaches, where the water was such a turquoise blue, sometimes driving hours and staying overnight just to explore. They went to ruins and Aztec and Mayan temples. Other times, they just stayed at Cassian’s and enjoyed the peace and quiet. They visited his parents and brothers often, at least a family dinner once a week.

One night when they were back at Cassian’s house after leaving the kids to stay the night at his parents, Cassian noticed Jyn was quiet, brooding.

“Honey, what’s wrong?”

She wiped her eyes, irritated at herself for getting emotional.

Cassian was getting worried. “Jyn . . .”

She grabbed his hand and held it. “I just . . . seeing the boys with your mom and dad and your brothers. I just never knew what it was like for them to have that. To have a family. A grandma and a grandpa and uncles and aunts. I feel like I wasted so many years being angry and depriving them of this, that time with my dad and with my brother.”

“Oh honey,” he said, pulling her to him, “it’s not your fault. You just needed time, plus . . . family goes both ways.”

She sniffed. She looked at him earnestly, wrapping her arms around him. “Thank you for bringing me here, to be with you.”

“I’m going to miss you so much,” he breathed. “I love you, Jyn. With all my heart.”

 

Their departure was bittersweet. Sepi and Lucas Sr. made her promise to come back again next summer. Gael hugged her and told her to take care of his baby brother. Even the boys were sad to go, hugging tightly onto Sepi.

Cassian took them to the airport. He had to stay behind for another week to finish one last ad for Corona. Then he was going to fly back to Los Angeles and be there for a week before he had to leave for filming. _Seven months, Jyn thought. How can I not be with him for seven months?_ Her stomach hurt at the thought.

This goodbye, while their separation wouldn’t be long as before, felt worse. They had grown so close - not just the two of them but he and the boys as well.

He cupped her face kissing her sweetly. Jyn was shocked not to hear any “ewwws” from the boys. She murmured against his lips, “you had the talk?” He nodded his head, blushing. “I had to bring my brothers in to help. If they go out and start acting like little romeos, I didn’t want all the blame on me.”

They stayed like that, embracing each other. She could hear the airline calling her flight number.

“See you in a week?” she asked, eyes anxious.

“In a week, querida,” he promised.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo . . . this one is bit slow. Hard a hard time trying to portray the dynamic with Cassian's family. His family is the exact opposite of Jyn's - it's a lot easier for me to write angst than banter and fun. Figured one more short chapter and then a brief epilogue. Also apologies for the Spanish - pretty much had to use google translate.


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Cassian to leave for his film.

Jyn decided to take the week off that Cassian came back. Jack grumbled a bit but he owed her for all his interference over the past year. She knew she only had so many bargaining chips with him and they were running out. Her trip this past summer and the weeks not being around Cassian had put a lot of things in perspective. She was going to have to make some tough decisions about her job pretty soon. She had been musing over her options lately but needed to set some things up before she made a final call.

Cassian had done a lot of thinking too. He went back to his parents house after he dropped Jyn off at the airport. His father noticed he was quiet, brooding.

“Mijo, what’s wrong?”

Cassian sighed, flopping back on the couch. 

“Is everything okay with Jyn?”

At the mention of her name, Cassian’s face lit up. “We’re great, Papa. I just . . . all I ever wanted to do was to make movies. And now that I am . . .”

“You don’t know if it’s what you still want?”

Cassian nodded his head.

“What do you want then, son?”

Cassian gave his dad a pointed look.

“I . . . this movie was part of a dream come true for me. Then . . . I met my other dream.”

“Why can’t you have both, son?” Lucas asked, concerned.

“I . . . want both. But I hate to leave her.”

“Have you talked to her about this? Is she okay with you leaving?”

“Yeah . . . I think so.”

“So . . .,” his dad still didn’t understand. 

Cassian took a deep breath. He knew what he wanted to do, he was just scared of doing it. Of her running. They were in such a good place right now, but he wanted her,  her kids, with him all time. But with Jyn’s history, permanency wasn’t something she handled well. 

  
  


His flight was delayed until well past midnight but Jyn was still there at the airport, waiting for him. Kate had stayed behind to watch the boys, warning Jyn about how they turned into little green gremlins past their bedtime.  They hugged tightly, just breathing each other in. 

“Hi,” he said, giving her a crooked smile. 

She rested her head on his chest. “I’m getting tired of airports,” she sighed. 

“I know querida. Me too.”  _ Just one more trip to another airport though, he thought.  _

She started driving to his house. He looked at her in surprise. “We’re not going to your place?”

She glanced at him, blushing. “I . . .  uh thought we could go back to your place?”

He grabbed her hand, drawing lazy circles on her wrist. “Oh yeah, that would be nice.”

 

He was glad to be home. He noticed Jyn had started adding little things here and there to his house. Some decorations, throw pillows, candles. He smiled when he saw a small picture frame on the mantle of them with the kids when they went to Mexico. He couldn’t believe how far she had come. Last year at this time, she could barely handle the idea of being together and now . . . these small little displays of affection just had his heart all wrapped up in feelings for her.  He went to the bedroom and emptied his pockets in the drawer on the nightstand. His wallet, keys, and a gift he had picked up for Jyn in Mexico. He was going to wait, maybe till the end of the week to give it to her or maybe when he came back. He wanted to do it now but  . . .  

He sat on the edge of the bed. It was so nice to just be  _ home. And to think he wouldn’t have this for seven months.  _ He tried to dispel with those thoughts. There was no point.

Jyn sat down next to him on the bed, resting her head on his shoulder.

“Querida, you should get some rest. You have work tomorrow.”

She looked up at him, a small smile on her face. “I took the week off. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with you,” she confessed, kissing his shoulder. 

He turned towards her, pulling her to him, slipping his hand under her shirt. “Hmmm . . . I can think of a lot of ways to spend that  _ time.” _

Their lovemaking was slow as if they wanted to cherish every touch, every kiss on their body. It was different - usually when they made love, it was hot and fiery, passionate. But tonight, it was like they were both trying to memorize their bodies, not knowing when they would have  _ this  _ again.

 

He was quiet afterwards, pensive. Jyn knew something was wrong. 

“Cass?,” she hesitated, “what’s wrong?” Her blue-green eyes wide, with a sheen to them. She was worried. 

_ It was now or never.  _

He leaned over and opened the nightstand, taking something out. 

He cupped her face with one hand and gently took her left hand, placing it over his heart. 

“Marry me, Jyn.”

 

She looked at him. At this man that just kept coming back for her and loving her and she knew, she always knew. Cassian was  _ it _ for her. He was the one. He was the one to make her face her fears, her anger. Her grief. He made her want to be a better person.

She looked at the ring in his hand. It was beautiful. A simple diamond flanked by an emerald on one side and a sapphire on the other side. 

“It reminded me of your eyes. How they change colors and sparkle.”

A smile, so big and happy broke out on her face. “Yes, Cassian. Yes, I will marry you.”

If she thought she had seen joy and happiness in him before, it didn’t compare to the look on his face now. It was one of love and all heart. He kissed her hard, wrapping him to her. 

“Yeah?,” he said excitedly.

She grinned back at him, his excitement growing on her. “Yes, yes and yes. I love you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want you to be the boy’s dad. I want your parents to be their grandparents. I want you, Cass. All of you.”

“Jyn. Querida. I love you.”

 

He woke up when he felt her unwrap herself from him. 

“I better go . . . I have to get the boys ready for school.”

He looked at her lazily, “I’ll go with you.”

She patted his face. “You should rest. You had a long flight.”

He turned to kiss her palm. “Hmmm . . . I’m fine. Plus, I want to see the kids.”  _ My kids soon, he thought.  _

She nodded her head, agreeing. 

“Are we . . . going to tell them,” he asked, hesitantly. He knew she said yes but he didn’t want to shove everything at her all at once.  _ Babysteps. _

She was contemplative. “Yeah, let’s tell them together. This back and forth and sleeping on couches, I think getting married kind of supercedes our rule, yeah? They’ll be teenagers soon, I’m sure they have an idea.”

Cassian had the decency to look away. 

She eyed him, raising her eyebrows. 

“They know already, huh?”

He avoided looking at her. 

“Cassian,” she warned.

He looked at her sheepishly. “Well . . . when I had  _ the talk _ with them and after my brothers went over the uh . . . physical elements of it, they had questions about the . . . uh . . . “

“Spit it out.”

“Uh  . . . what do you call it here? The what, why, when and where.”

 

He thought back to that conversation . . . 

 

_ Cassian was still blushing. He didn’t think his brothers would go into quite such detail about sex and STDs and importance of protection with the boys. Jyn was going to kill him. They still had more questions though. _

_ Jacob looked thoughtful. “Cass, when do you have sex though?” _

_ Cassian’s face burned with embarrassment. That was when Lucas and Gael took their cue to leave. He was tempted to say “every chance I get with your mother” but didn’t think that would go over well. _

_ “Uh . . . well for me, I . . .  uh -” _

_ “No not you dummy. I know you and my mom . . .” _

_ And literally his face was on fire.  _

_ “When are you supposed to? When you turn a certain age, when you get married, when you get a girlfriend?” _

_ Phew. This he could handle.  _

_ “Well . . . uh when you’re intimate with someone, it should be someone you care for and love. There are people who wait until they get married but sometimes, people don’t think they need to be married to show how much they love each other, so no, they don’t have to be. But they should definitely be old enough to make mature decisions and understand the feelings that go with it.” _

_ Then Ted (he was going by Ted now, after he met Cassian’s niece much to his brother’s chagrin) asked, “Do you and my mom not want to get married?” _

_ And he was back to being uncomfortable.  _

_ He took a big leap of trust. _

_ “I love your mother very much. And I definitely want to marry her. But . . . I don’t know if she’s ready to marry me. Plus, I . . . marrying her means I’m getting you guys too and I want to make sure you’re okay with that.” _

_ They both looked thoughtful.  _

_ “So you’d be our father?” _

_ Cassian shook his head. “You guys had a father but you were too little to remember him. I want to be the one that helps you with homework and coaches you in sports, and gives you tips on dating girls. And be there for you when you graduate and get married and have kids.” _

_ Teddy’s reply was so sweet and honest. “So you want to be our dad?” _

_ Cassian nodded his head, nervous and anxious.  _

_ They looked at each other and then at Cassian. Jake spoke for the two of them. “We already think you are.” _

 

_ Cassian had made them promise not to say anything. He didn’t want them to keep secrets from Jyn but he had been worried about taking that next step with her, that she would want to take a step back or stay the course rather than move forward. But he couldn’t be gone for seven months and not have her know how much he was committed to them, to her. He had wanted to ask her dad too before he asked her but he had a feeling she wouldn’t have taken kindly to that. _

 

“So you told my boys that you wanted to marry me?”

“Jyn, I'm old fashioned. I should've told your dad too.” 

Just like he predicted, she wasn't having that. “Oh no way. You're not asking my dad. We can tell him or I'll call him.”

He sighed. “Jyn. . .”

She tried to reassure him. “Cass, it’ll be fine. You know my family isn’t exactly the most traditional.”

He gave in. It was so hard to resist her.

 

The boys of course were excited. Kate, for once, didn’t tease Cassian, instead welling up with tears because she was so happy for her aunt, for them. She felt like their family was finally becoming complete.

 

It was the middle of the week and Jyn needed to talk to Cassian about something but she was unsure of how to bring it up. She had finally made a decision on work. But now that it was them - together - she was trying to not always do everything on her own. She had always worried, about bothering him, or worried he would feel obligated and while she still had those moments, she was slowly realizing she could count on this handsome man, who was kind. Patient. Loving. 

She finally blurted it out over dinner.

“I want to quit.”

She always managed to say the most surprising things whenever Cassian was eating and drinking. Today was no different. He managed to choke down his salad. 

“Come again?”

She looked at him, scared but determined. “I want to resign, Cass. But I . . . I wanted to see what you thought.” 

“Jyn . . . it’s not because of me, is it? Because I’m leaving?” A look crossed his face.  _ Did she want to come with him? Pack up the boys and just go?  _ “Did you or were you . . . did you want to come with me?”

The fact that he asked that of Jyn just made her love him more. “I would love to go with you. To take the kids out of school and just  _ go, _ ” she said, sadly, “I hate that we’re going to be apart for so long. But . . .  I can’t leave her. I can’t leave Kate behind. It’s her last year of school.”

Cassian understood. Kate was about the same age Jyn was when her family died. She was in a different place in life - was driven and wildly independent but he understood. Jyn could never just up and leave her family.

He still didn’t understand about her wanting to quit. “Why do you want to leave then?”

“I’m . . . tired of being tied to an office. I . . . with you and our summer together, I want some flexibility. I’ve always  _ worked  _ Cass. My job kept me busy, kept me sane but I don’t need that anchor anymore.”

He was thoughtful. “Sooo . . . do you not want to work at all?”

She shook her head. “I can never just stop working but I’m thinking of exploring some other options. I’m thinking of consulting. My field is pretty specialized but it might take me close to a year to transition out but yeah . . . you might have an unemployed fiancee when you come back.”

The thought of Jyn being home, not bothered by the stresses of her job and happy and carefree warmed him. 

“Honey, whatever makes you happy. I’ll support you no matter what.”

She beamed at him.  _ That smile. He loved that smile.  _ “You make me happy.”

  
  


It was the day he had to leave. He should have been excited. This movie, this film was going to be great. But it was so hard to be excited when he was leaving the people he loved the most behind. 

Jyn was trying to be happy for him and supportive. She knew they would see each other around the holidays but she was going to miss him so much. She was halfway tempted to just quit her job and pack up the kids and go. Kate had even told her to do it but she just couldn’t. Plus his hours on set would be long - 12-16 hour days. She could wait. She would always wait for him. 

She took him to the airport. The boys had wanted to come but they had school so Cassian had done some kind of “boys only” excursion with them the day before so they could hang out. 

“Sooo . . . you guys will come for Thanksgiving,” Cassian asked, anxiously looking at her. 

She nodded her head. “And you’ll be home for Christmas?” 

He looked at her, “Christmas with your family, New Years with mine?”

She nodded again. He hugged her tightly, breathing into her neck. She was already crying and she could feel his tears on her neck. He stepped back, discreetly rubbing his eyes. 

“I love you, Cass. I’ll be here when you come back.”

He knew she would be there. She had come so far, opening up her heart and her family to him. 

“I know, querida. I’ll be home soon.”

And with that, he boarded his plane, taking one last look at her and giving her a smile to remember him by for the coming months. 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so maybe one more chapter and then an epilogue. Jyn has a lot to do during those seven months, she has to work up the nerve to quit her job, Kate is graduating, she has to figure out what to do with her house. Pretty much a lot of things I couldn't cover in just one last chapter. 
> 
> Also hope nobody minds the brief mention of the sex ed talk with the kids. I think it's supposed to happen around that age. I learned by reading Harlequin Romance novels. Yes, I am that old.


	29. Chapter 29

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian are both having a hard time adjusting to being without each other. Jack has a conversation with Jyn. Bonding between Kate and Jyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I crammed a lot into this chapter. Enjoy.

The first month Cassian was gone was rough. Like sandpaper on burned skin rough. They tried to Skype or do video calls but the timing was never right. He was in England, eight hours ahead. When he was awake, she was asleep or at work. When she had free time, he was in the middle of a shoot. They finally both agreed to set up a time twice a week and stick to it. No matter where they were or what they were doing, they both made the time. Just to see his smiling face was enough to get her through the days.  

Jyn threw herself into her work. She hadn’t told Jack what her plans were for next year. If she did, he would try to convince her to stay and while she didn’t have any plans to do so, she didn’t want him to hang that over her head. Instead she pushed forward with her international fundraising plan to Jack.

“Jyn, are you sure you want to take this on? It’s going to be a lot of travel and after the fit you threw last year,” he warned.

She sighed, trying to explain. “Yeah I threw a fit because you basically planned my life for me without my permission. That’s why I was pissed. But I want to see this through. My dad, Kate can watch the boys for when I need to travel.”

He looked over her proposal, his eyeglasses resting on the bridge of his nose. “It’s a pretty good plan. Maybe Solo should go with y - - - “

He didn’t dare finish the sentence if he wanted to continue to live.

He looked at the map she emailed him that gave him the data on where they should focus.

“Sooo . . . let’s do this one step at a time. I think you should go to London first - “

(Jyn smiled).

“Then definitely a trip to the UAE but perhaps I should take that one?”

Jyn still excited that he agreed to London, nodded her head in agreement.

“Then next year, we’ll look at our alums in Latin American countries and in Asia.”

“Sooo . . .” Jyn asked casually, “when do you think London should happen?”

He grimaced. “The sooner the better, but depends on your workload.”

She shrugged her shoulders. “Heavy but I’ve cross-trained Linds. No reason why she can’t handle it.”

He nodded his head agreeing. “Well figure out your schedule and then set it up.”

Jyn practically bounced out of the office. Jack called out after her. “Oh and Jyn? Tell Cassian to take you someplace nice when you get there.”

_Shit. And she thought she had been smooth._

Cassian knew something was up when she video called him that evening. It wasn’t one of their scheduled days but by luck, he was out early from shooting. He picked up the call right away, noticing her smile and sparkling eyes.

“Hi,” he said, smiling, her enthusiasm contagious.

“Hi handsome.”

“So this is a surprise?”

“I had good news, maybe? I didn’t want to wait until Thursday.”

She told him about her proposed travels.

The news was like music to his ears. He didn’t think he would have been able to hang until Thanksgiving. He had a break coming up towards the end of October for three days and he had been on the verge of booking a flight just to see her and the kids for one day. He missed her so much, that he would’ve suffered the exhaustion and jet lag just to see her for one day. She was worth it.

“So . . . do you think, with your schedule and all, that we would be able to meet?” Jyn asked, suddenly hesitant. _What if he doesn’t have time?_

“Querida, I will make the time. Can you come late October?”

“Yeah, I think so. Let me get the meetings scheduled and we’ll figure it out.”

 

Jyn talked to Kate. She knew she was busy with school so she hated to have her watch the boys but now that they were older, they were pretty self sufficient. It was just a matter of making sure they got to school, did their homework and didn’t burn the house down. She would have loved to take them with her but since she really would have to work, she wouldn’t have the time to do their school lessons with them. She offered to have her dad come and take care of them but Kate had a light unit load and was able to do it. She did have some words for Jyn though.

“Auntie Jyn, why don’t you just quit? Why are you still working? That place will suck the life out of you.”

“Honey,” she tried to explain, “I can’t. Not yet.”

“Why?” Kate persisted. “What’s holding you back?” She just didn’t understand. She could afford to leave and just take the kids and be with the man she loved. She just didn’t get it.

Jyn had never told Kate she didn’t want to leave her, her baby niece. Kate didn’t know how much Jyn _just needed her_. Those days, months after the accident, she would never have made it if she didn’t have Kate to take care of. Or if she didn’t have Kate taking care of her. The boys were still babies, toddlers. They didn’t know what was going on. But seeing the pain in Kate’s eyes, the pain of losing her mother, had given Jyn the strength she needed to pull through.

“Sweetie, it’s not just about me and the boys but it’s you too. I can’t just pack you in a suitcase and take you with me. You have to finish school.”

Kate looked at her in shock then finally in understanding. “You don’t want to leave me?”

Jyn shook her head. “I could never leave you. You . . .you’re one of my own. I couldn’t so much as leave you as I couldn’t leave the boys.”

Kate’s eyes started watering. “I guess . . . I just . . . I never realized.”

Now Jyn was upset. _Did Kate not know what she meant to her?_ “Honey, I love you. I . . . when you went abroad last summer, I know you may not think it, but I worried every day about you. I missed you.”

“Oh Auntie Jyn, I love you too. I just . .  I guess I always thought that when you finally found someone, it would be just you and the boys and not me. But I was fine with that. You gave me a home, you raised me.”

“Kate. You’re as much a part of this family as the boys are. I know we haven’t talked much about what will happen when we get married but you know I want you with us, right?”

Kate wrinkled her nose. “No offense Auntie J, but I think I’ve heard enough of you and Cass having sex to last a lifetime.”

Jyn threw a pillow at her. Kate threw one back. The boys heard the laughter and shouting and joined in on the fun.

 

Jyn was laser focused on work. She had a lot she needed to do and with her trip coming up in a couple of weeks and her plans to leave next year. Everyone noticed her drive, her late nights and figured she was using work as a coping mechanism. She was in a way . . .it helped keep her thoughts off of him, of missing him, but knowing she would see him in a few weeks kept her going.

Jack finally had to have a talk with her after finding her at the office late at night. He had to attend an on-campus event and then stopped by the office to grab his car keys.

“Jyn,” he sighed. “What are you still doing here?”

“What does it look like I’m doing,” she snapped, “I’m working.”

“Well yeah, obviously. But the work will still be there tomorrow. Go home.”

She glared at him, closing her laptop. “Fine.”

Jack looked at her, taking in the dark circles under her eyes. She had lost weight too.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you to your car.” He noticed she put her laptop in her purse.

They got to her car and he stopped her, putting his hand lightly on her arm.

“Are you okay?” He asked, concern showing on his face.

She smiled at him tiredly. “I am. Just tired. Busy.” While her and Jack were close friends she didn’t want to bemoan to him of the vacancy in her heart when Cassian wasn’t around. So instead she just lied.

He didn’t believe her of course.

He looked down at her ring, sparkling in the moonlight. He didn’t want to acknowledge the tightening in his throat.  “Have you two made any plans yet?”

She shook her head. “Not yet. We thought it would be best to wait until he comes back and Kate graduates.”

Jack nodded his head, rubbing his chin. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

He finally asked the question he had been itching to ask her ever since she said she was engaged. “Jyn. Do you plan on staying?”

She finally gave her one honest answer for the night. She shook her head. “No.”

She didn’t expect his reaction. She had expected shouting, scheming, and cajoling.

He looked at her sadly, nodding in understanding. “You’ll give me some time, yeah? You won’t just up and leave with no notice?”

Jyn looked up at him, a faint smile on her face. “Jack, of course. I would never do that to you.”

Jack figured he had at least a year, a year and a half with her.

_(Little did he know it would only be six months.)_

 

For once, they couldn't meet at the airport. Cassian had promised to meet her at the hotel later on in the evening. Jyn was a little bit grateful. Their airport reconciliations were so emotional. She had taken the red eye and had meetings scheduled in the afternoon so she would have a little bit of time to rest before she saw him.  She was beat but if she could plow through the day and sleep at a normal time, then the jet lag wouldn't be so bad. _She hoped she wouldn’t sleep much though._

She was lucky that most of her meetings were within the vicinity of the hotel. However by the end of the day she was beat. Wanting to just lay down on the bed, her exhaustion was momentarily forgotten when she opened up the door to her hotel room to find a vast array of orchids, sunflowers and daisies. And Cassian, holding a bouquet of bright blue and green wildflowers.

She stopped in her tracks, gasping.

“Oh.”

He smiled wickedly. “I think this deserves a little bit more than an _oh_.”

Before he could even move, Jyn jumped him, planting kisses all over his face. He kissed her back with equal frenzy, inhaling her sweet scent.

“I didn’t think you were coming until later,” she said, stepping back, looking at him. He was a slim man but when she had embraced him, she could feel the muscles on his arms, his chest. _I can’t wait to get that shirt off of him. Scratch that. I can’t wait to get all his clothes off him._

“We got out early - one of the cameras broke and they had to reschedule the shoot for another day.”

He eyed her. She looked tired but still beautiful. He could tell she was trying to hide the dark circles under her eyes with makeup. He hoped it was just the traveling and she wasn’t overworking herself. She looked thinner too but he didn’t dare make a comment on her not eating. _Not if he wanted to have sex tonight. But looking at the way she was eying him like a piece of meat, maybe he could get away with it._

He just wanted to gather her up in his arms and never let her go. But he wanted to take her out, eat, get sustenance. He had a long night planned.

“Querida, you want to go to dinner?”

_Dinner was the last thing on Jyn’s mind._

Jyn looked at him, frowning. “Uh . . . no. I’m not hungry. At least not for food.” She sidled up to him, nuzzling his neck, slowly unbuttoning his shirt.

He squirmed away from her. “Honey, you need to eat. Did you even get anything on the plane?”

Now Jyn was getting cranky. “CASSIAN ANDOR. I swear . . . if you don’t start undressing me this minute, I will walk out that door and find someone who will.”

_Point made._

He tugged her to him. “Can we order room service?” murmuring in her ear.

“Uh huh,” Jyn said, distracted by his warm breath. _Oh it has been way too long._

She went back to unbuttoning his shirt, giving him soft kisses on his neck, his shoulder, the big, mottled bruise on his chest. The one on his arm, his stomach.

She stopped.

Cassian looked down. _Oh shit._

“What the _hell_ happened to you!?” Jyn asked, glaring at him.

She stepped back from him inspecting his body. She was right about the muscles. He had been lean before but his stomach, his abs, his arms, _oh his arms looked really nice,_  his chest. It was all just hard muscle beneath the skin. Still lean but the type of muscle that she could bounce a quarter off of.

Momentarily distracted by his half naked body, she went back and looked at the bruises.

He looked at her, embarrassed. “I . . . volunteered to do my own stunts and . . . umm, still trying to get a hang of the agility.”

He looked like a little boy who had fallen off of a bike. Jyn didn’t know he was doing his own stunts. She would rather not have known because now she was just going to worry. But he obviously felt bad about it and she didn’t want him to feel worse.

She smiled at him mischievously. “Hmmm . . . maybe I can kiss them and make them all better?” She slowly kissed one bruise, lightly running her tongue over it. Then she drew a map with her lips to the other bruises.

“Feel better?” she asked, her lips a whisper against his skin.

“Ahhh . . . uhhh . . . just a little.” _Who was he kidding, they didn’t even hurt. The bruises were about three weeks old._

She kissed lower. “Still hurt,” this time teasing him, her lips lightly dancing over his navel.

“Getting there,” he groaned.

She moved back up his chest, her lips seeking his, her body covering his. Tired of taking it slow and just wanting to be in each other, she frantically started to unbuckle his belt, he furiously taking off her shirt. All thoughts of food and eating escaped them as they reaquainted themselves, lost in each other’s arms.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right so maybe I was wrong about only one or two more chapters left. We are getting to the end though but yeah . . . I think there might be a couple of more. 
> 
> Also can I just again say how much I love everyone's reviews and comments and kudos and bookmarks. Thank you thank you thank you!


	30. Chapter 30

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian worries about Jyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song cred goes to James Arthur "Just Say you won't Let go"

Jyn woke up, her face in Cassian’s chest, a position she often found herself in whenever they had the luxury to stay the night together. He was caressing her hip, running his hand up and down her side. He had a look of concern on his face.

She tucked her hand under her chin, resting on her elbow. “What’s wrong, Cass?”

He stayed quiet. She could get prickly sometimes and he didn’t want to anger her but he was worried.

“Honey, are you okay? Is everything okay at home? Work? The boys?”

“Everything’s fine,” she tried to reassure him. “Why?”

He tried to pinch her. There was nothing for him to pinch. “Ow,” she swatted his hand away. “What was that for?”

“You’ve lost weight,” he said quietly. “You’re tired. I can see it in your eyes.”

She looked away guiltily.

He grew more concerned, tugging her close to him, cupping her face with his hand.

“Jyn. What’s wrong?” he breathed, barely a whisper but a weight of concern in his voice.

She turned away, rubbing her eyes. “I’m just tired . . .I’ve been working a lot.”

“Honey,” he pleaded, “talk to me.”

She looked at him, her eyes glistening. Her words spilled out unwillingly. “I have trouble sleeping. I just . . . Cass . . . I got so used to _you_ , that . . . not having you around, it’s been hard. I never knew . . . that loving someone could make me feel like this. I’m sorry,” she said, burying her head in his chest, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel bad. I don’t want to be _that_ person who is clingy and attached but I . . . just can’t help it. So . . . I’ve been working late, running a lot, just to keep my mind off of you.”

He pulled her tighter to him, caressing her back. “Oh honey,” he said, a sad smile on his face. “Don’t be sorry. I feel the same way,” he confessed. “That’s why I agreed to do the stunts, I needed something to focus on, to keep my mind off of you. You’re all I think about. Every day. Every night.”

She smiled faintly, sighing. “We need to figure out how to do this, Cass. We still have five more months. We’re a mess.”

“Together, Jyn. We’ll do it together.”

 

He ordered room service, enough to feed ten people but he was determined to feed her, make her feel better. He glanced over at her when she got out of the shower, his eyes anxious. He knew this was a work trip but it was Friday and he hoped she didn’t have anything scheduled so she could rest.

“You have meetings today?” he asked, trying to be casual, busying himself with pouring a cup of coffee.

She yawned. “Hmmm . . . thankfully no. Just meetings every day next week until I go home,” a flash of sadness crossing her face, at the thought of going home.

He smiled, big and wide. It was the smile she fell in love with. The one that made her feel everything was alright with the world. “Good. Now eat and then we’re going back to bed.”

She protested. “Cass - it’s 9am. We can’t go back to bed.”

He winked at her. “I didn’t say we were going back to sleep.”

Jyn gobbled down her breakfast.

 

The weekend and the week after went by too fast. The times they felt like leaving the room, Cassian showed her around the city. She loved London, the energy and the hustle and bustle. She also loved the shops. She had tried on a few outfits but they were too loose. She grimaced. _I really do need to take better care of myself._

It was Wednesday and he wanted to take her out to a bar. He knew she loved listening to live music, often singing along to the songs. Anything to take her mind and his off of her impending departure. She was excited, her eyes twinkling at the thought of going out . . . in London.

They were enjoying the music, listening to various singers, some playing a guitar, some playing a piano. She had been singing along, and he had forgotten how much he enjoyed hearing her. He didn’t even think she knew she was singing. Sometimes he would catch her singing and prancing around in the the kitchen, when she was making dinner or he would hear her in the shower.

“You should go up there,” he murmured in her ear.

She pulled back from him, surprised. “No way. I haven’t sang in public since the gala. I can’t just go up there and wing it.”

“Jyn, I hear you sing all the time. There’s nobody we know here. Just do it. Your voice is amazing.”

She looked longingly at the stage. She did enjoy singing. She had hated it before, when she was closed off, because it didn’t make her feel better. But now, she felt like she could sing just about anything.

“Yeah?” she asked him.

He nodded his head, pushing her off of her chair.

He saw her go up and talk to the club manager. He looked her up and down as if wondering how such a tiny thing could belt out tunes but she gave him one of her glares and he shrugged his shoulders, waving his hand to behind the stage.

 

She came on stage. The last time he saw her on a stage, she was scared, fearful of pouring her heart out but tonight, she was radiating happiness, beauty. She looked absolutely stunning. _Fuck Andor. You’ve got it bad._

 

Jyn began to sing, looking directly at him.

 

 _I met you in the dark, you lit me up_  
_You made me feel as though I was enough_  
_We danced the night away, we drank too much_  
_I held your hair back when_ _  
You were throwing up_

 _Then you smiled over your shoulder_  
_For a minute, I was stone-cold sober_  
_I pulled you closer to my chest_  
_And you asked me to stay over_  
_I said, I already told ya_  
_I think that you should get some rest_  
  
_I knew I loved you then_  
_But you'd never know_  
_'Cause I played it cool when I was scared of letting go_  
_I know I needed you_  
_But I never showed_  
_But I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go  
Just say you won't let go_

 _I'll wake you up with some breakfast in bed_  
_I'll bring you coffee with a kiss on your head_  
_And I'll take the kids to school_  
_Wave them goodbye_ _  
And I'll thank my lucky stars for that night_

 _When you looked over your shoulder_  
_For a minute, I forget that I'm older_  
_I wanna dance with you right now_  
_Oh, and you look as beautiful as ever_  
_And I swear that everyday you'll get better_  
_You make me feel this way somehow_  
  
_I'm so in love with you_  
_And I hope you know_  
_Darling your love is more than worth its weight in gold_  
_We've come so far my dear_  
_Look how we've grown_  
_And I wanna stay with you until we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go_ _  
Just say you won't let go_

 _I wanna live with you_  
_Even when we're ghosts_  
_'Cause you were always there for me when I needed you most_  
_I'm gonna love you till_  
_My lungs give out_  
_I promise till death we part like in our vows_  
_So I wrote this song for you, now everybody knows_  
_'Cause now it's just you and me till we're grey and old_  
_Just say you won't let go_  
_Just say you won't let go_

The audience who had been half paying attention to the previous singers, stayed quiet, transfixed by her voice, by the song. When she finished, everyone in the club stood up, applauding her. Cassian came to the bottom of the stage, his eyes glistening with unshed tears, stretching his arms out to her. She went into his arms willingly, kissing him as if there were no tomorrow. He never thought he could be this happy. He knew the coming months would be difficult but if they just took it one day at a time, they could make it through. They had to.

 

She had to leave early Friday morning. He had to take a call while the valet was pulling the car around. When he came back, he didn’t look happy.

“Everything okay?” she inquired, distracted, trying to pull her luggage (which was half her size) to the car. He grabbed it from her and put it in the trunk, not wanting to have the valet do it.

  
“Yeah, everything’s okay, just work stuff,” he shared, averting her gaze.

They both were quiet on the drive to the airport, not wanting to think of their impending separation.  

He grabbed her hand, taking it in his. “Promise me you’ll take of yourself,” he asked, when he walked her to the security checkpoint.

“I promise, Cass. You need to be careful too,” she said, playfully poking him in one of his bruises. He smiled faintly.

She went to cup his face. “Cass.”

“Hmm . . .,” he murmured, pressing his lips into her palm.

“What’s wrong,” she asked gently. “You’ve been quiet all morning. Usually I’m the sad one when we have to leave each other.”

He looked over her head, finding it hard to meet her eyes. He hated to have to do this to her. _He hated to hurt her._

“My agent . . .  that’s who I was talking to this morning. The movie . . . filming is going to take longer than expected. They think another month or maybe two.” He still couldn’t look at her. He couldn’t bear to see the hurt in her eyes.

She could tell he was having a hard time. Wanting to be brave, strong for the both of them, she sucked in all the sadness, all the loneliness, and took his face in her hands, nodding her head in acceptance. “It’s okay, Cass. We’ll see each other next month and then for Christmas and then we’ll go from there.”

He hugged her tightly to him, still looking over her head, at the crowds of people bustling around the airport..

“We’ll take it one month at a time,” she reassured him.

He let out a deep breath, finally looking down at her. “I love you so much,” he whispered, burying his face in her hair, inhaling her scent, committing it to memory. “Next month, for sure, right?” he asked.

“Definitely,” she said, lightly touching his face. She was trying to be brave, trying to be strong. She didn’t want him to worry about her. She kissed him lightly on the cheek and then quickly walked away, before he could see the tears streaming down her face.

 

 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay . . . so a little bit more fluff and clinginess. I need to get these two back to being a bit more independent and less co-dependent? Yeah?
> 
> Also, sorry for throwing another song in here. I hope y'all don't think I'm trying to use up space but I was hemming and hawing about using this as the third song for the gala but then I thought it was too soon in their relationship to use it. Hence using it now . . .


	31. Chapter 31

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Kate talk about plans. The boys learn Spanish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a brief update. Can't believe - what 3-4 chapters ago, I said I only had one more left. More to come . . .

After the stewardesses consoled her and the airline pilot borderline threatening to not take off until she stopped crying, Jyn had a come-to-Jesus talk with herself on the flight home. She was tired of crying all the time. Tired of being sad. _I’m strong, I’m independent, I don’t need him._

(Okay she took that back. She did need him because she liked the sex, plus the whole being in love with him pretty much took away that argument).

She rephrased her mantra.

 _I’m strong, I’m independent. I can do this. The boys, Kate will have all my attention. No more staying late at work. Plus we’ll see him in four weeks._ She repeated that over and over during the eight hour flight.

 

She went back to work with a vigor, preparing her report on her trip and outlining next steps. She focused on training Lindsey more. She wanted to be ready to leave as soon as Cassian came back. She reflected back to her conversation with Jack the night he walked her outside. She was surprised he didn’t seem too upset when she told him that she wouldn’t stay. She knew they would need to talk sooner or later about her leaving and when but the longer she could delay it, the better. _Jyn hated having uncomfortable conversations. She grimaced, thinking back to her avoidance of conversation with Cassian earlier in the year._ Looking back now she wished she hadn’t wasted so much _time_.

 

She spent time with Kate, taking her to the beach, and having girls’ days with her. They talked about her plans for after graduation and Jyn was surprised to find out she wanted to go to graduate school. She had hoped she would continue her education but didn't want to put pressure on her. They talked about wedding and marriage plans. Jyn hadn’t even given much thought to a wedding. She didn’t want anything big, something small with family. Probably in Mexico since Cassian had the bigger family.

 

“Will you move into Cassian’s house?” Kate had asked, curious.

Jyn corrected her. “You mean will _we_ move into Cassian’s?”

Kate beamed. She knew she had joked about living with them but the fact that her aunt included her in their plans warmed her heart.

“I don’t mind moving but if I go to grad school, I should probably get my own place,” she asked, hesitantly.

Jyn couldn’t believe how fast time had flown. She knew Kate was growing up but making these plans, being a grown up, her living on her own, it was all happening so fast.

“Whatever you want to do, sweetie. If you go to school in Long Beach, you can . . . if you want, live here. I wasn’t planning on selling the house.” _There were too many memories, of Kate and the boys growing up in that house. Playing in the backyard. The boys sharing a room and the three of them fighting over the bathroom._ She wasn’t ready to part with it. Besides, if Kate chose to stay in the area, the home could be hers.

Kate hugged her tightly. “Thank you Auntie Jyn.”

 

Jyn enrolled the boys in an after-school Spanish language class. The boys had picked up quickly on learning Spanish when they were in Mexico so she was hoping they could surprise Cassian when they saw him in November. She even downloaded a few apps on her phone so she could try and learn but when she tried texting dirty words in Spanish to him, all she got back was a confused emoji. _So much for that._

 

Before she knew it, it was the Thanksgiving break and they were leaving for London to see him. 

Cassian had been running behind and got to the airport later than he expected. He was walking quickly, avoiding all the people, trying to find her, _his family._ He had been anxiously waiting for this day, trying to stay busy. Days he didn’t spend filming, he would go to the gym, trying to take his mind off of _her_ . Or he would work on upcoming projects that would keep him in California and not away from _her_. He thought of where and when they would get married and her and Kate and the boys moving in with him. He thought of the summers they could spend in Mexico or traveling, just all of them being together. It was like his dreams were coming true but they weren’t quite within his grasp yet.

He finally saw her, her sea colored eyes looking for him. Then he noticed Kate and the boys, grumpy looks on their faces, dragging their luggage behind him, most likely tired from taking the red-eye.

“Jyn!” He called out to her, waving.

Her smile lit up the airport.

She looked amazing. Healthy. A lot better than when he saw her the last time. Her eyes were sparkling and bright, she had gained back some of the weight she had lost. And the boys. He couldn’t believe how much they had grown, they were nearly as tall as him. Kate looked as beautiful as ever, a miniature version of her aunt but with blue eyes. He had missed them all so much.

“Cassian!” The boys shouted, running to him, hugging him. He hugged them back, ruffling their hair. His heart melted at their enthusiasm, their show of affection. Before they tried to play it cool with him, as if they were friends, buddies. Now, it was like they honestly missed him, his presence. They treated him like a _dad._

Kate strolled up to him, giving him a hug. He didn’t get embarrassed around her as easily anymore, probably because she had stopped teasing him. “Hi Kate,” he said, eyes crinkling in a smile.

“So should I call you Uncle Cass?,” she teased. Then she leaned closer, whispering to him, “It just sounds kind of weird considering I’ve seen you butt naked . . . “

 _And he was back to being embarrassed._  

“Kate,” Jyn chided, finally walking up to the group, overhearing her. “You are awful. Leave him alone.”

“Please no uncle, just . . . my name is fine, Kate.” Cassian said, still blushing.

He turned to Jyn, taking her in his arms. “Querida. _Te_ _extrañé_ _mucho. Te amo_.”

She was breathing him in, enjoying the moment when Jake blurted out, “Mom, he’s saying he missed you a lot and that - uh ugh,” wrinkling his nose, “he loves you,”

Cassian looked at Jake, surprise in his face. “You learning Spanish?”

Teddy piped up, “Ambos sombos.” _We both are._

His eyes went wide looking at Jyn. She shrugged her shoulders lightly, “They’ve been taking lessons. They wanted to . . . talk to you, probably without me knowing what you guys are saying,” she said, frowning at the thought.

He smiled, looking at them, at his family to be. He couldn’t wait.

“C’mon, let’s get out of here. I want to show you guys around.”

 

Instead of getting a hotel room, they stayed at the flat he had been renting, outside the city. It had two bedrooms with a pullout couch. Cassian gave up his room to Jyn and Kate and then the boys took the spare. Jyn tried to argue that they could sleep on the pullout couch but he wasn’t having it. Kate, noticing the longing looks Jyn and Cassian were giving each other, rolled her eyes at them.

“C’mon you guys,” she said, to the boys, “let’s go explore outside.” She whispered to Jyn as she walked out, “just not on our bed, okay?”

The minute they walked out, Jyn counted to ten, and then tackled Cassian on the couch, kissing him feverishly. He responded back enthusiastically. They were out of their clothes in minutes, kissing, embracing, coming together, trying to take advantage of the little time they had.

Their week together went by too fast and they were saying good-bye at the airport again. This time though, she felt better. They both had an idea of what to expect, the feelings and emotions that came with being apart. Now they both knew how to handle it. She wasn’t a wreck like last time. He wasn’t as sad. Christmas was right around the corner, he would be home for three weeks and they would savor those moments. They were doing this one month at a time, like they had promised each other.

 

(What they didn’t want to acknowledge was the new year, after the holidays, when they would be apart for four months. _One month at at time was going to be a lot more difficult._ )


	32. Chapter 32

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Girls night.

_ Two weeks later _

Jyn stared out the window of her office, blowing her bangs out of her face. The weather had been crappy, overcast and rainy. The grayness always brought out the melancholy in Jyn. The holidays were a hard time for her. She had hoped she would be better this year, given she had Cassian, she was getting married, she reconciled with her dad and was somewhat talking to her brother again but the memories is what hurt. The feeling of missing family, not having  _ them around  _ to celebrate traditions, to decorate a tree, a home. And she was doing better. There was just a part of her that would always hurt. She wished Cassian was there. There were so many things she wanted to show him that only happened this time of year. The holiday boat parade, the Christmas train she would take the kids to in Arizona when they were little, the malls that would have the fake snow and the silly ice skating and the mountains east where sometimes the weather would be warm enough for skiers and snowboarders to wear shorts. She hated how she could've done this last year with him but she had been too stubborn, too scared of staying. 

 

To top it off, Cassian’s Skype call the night before didn't make things better. 

 

_ “Hi!” Jyn was excited to hear from him. It wasn't one of their usual scheduled days, so it was a nice surprise.  _

_ Then she saw his face. It certainly wasn't one that said I'm-happy-to-talk-to-my-fiancé-face. _

_ “Hey,” he said, a tight smile on his face.  _

_ “What's wrong,” she demanded. Her elation quickly turning to irritation.  _

_ “I've got bad news,” he said, hesitantly, not quite looking at her. _

_ Her voice broke. “You can't leave for Christmas?” _

_ He grimaced. _

_ Jyn's heart fell. _

_ “Not exactly. Just . . . I can't leave as early as I thought. I should be home by the 21st or 22nd. Plus they want everyone back right after New Years.” _

_ She stayed quiet. The plan had been two weeks in California then they would visit his family. Given the time constraints, she figured he would go straight to Mexico.  _

_ “So . . . We won't see you for Christmas?” Her lip was trembling and she was trying to avoid blinking less the tears start leaking out of her eyes.  _

_ He looked momentarily confused.  _

_ “Jyn, no, of course you'll see me! I just won't be there as long as we had thought.” _

_ Now she was confused. _

_ “But . . . don't you want to see your family. With the time off, the traveling, it would be too hard . . . ” she asked, her voice small. _

_ He shook his head. “Jyn, you are my family. You and the kids. I'll miss not seeing my parents but this wouldn't be the first time I miss Christmas with them. I couldn't bear to not see you.” _

_ He paused. Jyn looked at him, his chocolate brown eyes, normally bright, were sad, She could tell this separation was just as rough for him as it was for her  _

_ He swallowed thickly. “I'm just . . . I wish I could be there longer. It's not enough time.” _

_ They would have a little bit over a week together. Which was longer than some of the other periods they had before. But she knew what he meant. It wasn't enough time for them before they would be separated for four months. A cold, hard fact neither one of them wanted to acknowledge.  _

_ She put her hand to the screen, as if to touch his face. “It's okay, handsome,” she reassured him. “It's more than enough.” _

 

(It really wasn't.)

 

She was broken out of her reverie by Marisol. 

“Oh hey Jyn. Leia’s on her way up to see you.”

Jyn still staring out the window, focused on the rain, looked at Marisol. “Sure. Okay.”

Marisol hesitated. A visit from Leia was never a good sign. 

She moved to leave then stopped when Jyn called out to her. “Wait did you say Leia? Shit - tell her I'm not here.”

It was too late - Leia had already swept through the door.

Jyn sighed. 

Leia barged into Jyn’s office. “Erso - I need a favor.”

Jyn raised her eyebrows, her response short and quick.

“No.”

Leia stopped short. Nobody told her no. 

“You didn't even hear me out.”

Jyn stared at her until Leia had the good grace to look away.

Jyn sighed. “Leia, anytime you need a favor, it always means extra work for me. I'm swamped as it is.”

It was always a busy time of year around the holidays. The fundraising staff were working nights and weekends needing reports so they could get last minute donations in for the tax write off. This usually meant that Jyn had to work late to meet deadlines. She already had a sneaky suspicion as to what Leia wanted. Jack had begged Leia to plan the board’s holiday party and rumor around the campfire was that they were stuck again in finding entertainment. Jyn had called Javier to see if she could work her mojo on him but he had already loaned out the music students to another organization. 

“Jyn, I'm begging here.”

Jyn looked out the window. Singing without  _ him  _ being there and in the mood she was in, wouldn't work. She furiously rubbed her eyes, avoiding Leia’s gaze. “I just can't, Leia,” her voice trembling. 

Leia noticed she was upset. 

“Jyn, what’s wrong?”

Jyn stayed quiet, still staring out the window.

“Missing him?”

Jyn shook her head then nodded. “Not just him, Leia. Everyone”

Leia sat back in her chair, understanding. She had lost both her parents at a young age and not a day went by that she didn’t think about them. She smiled sadly at Jyn and made a decision.

For the first time in her life, Leia didn’t get what she wanted. 

She patted Jyn’s hand awkwardly. “It’s okay honey. We’ll find another performer.”

She got up all of a sudden, energized. “You know what we need?”

“What?” Jyn said, shaking her head wearily.

“Girls night! C’mon, let's go.”

“Leia, you're crazy! I have a shit ton of work. I can't just leave.”

Leia shouted through the thin walls at Marisol. “Is Jack here, Mari?”

Her muffled voice replied back. “Nope, he left earlier. Had a meeting in LA.”

Leia walked out, taking charge, calling to Marisol and Lindsey. “C’mon, you two are coming as well. Ethan, you close down the office?” 

Ethan looked up, surprised. He frowned. He didn't even want to know what kind of trouble they were going to get into. He nodded his head, hoping he wouldn't have to call Jack to bail them out of jail. 

 

They took an Uber to Second street, a location known well around Long Beach for fun bars and drinks. Jyn had never done a girl’s night before with people she worked with. She had always been so focused on things - the kids, Kate, work. But now that she knew there was an end in sight, she let loose, drinking and dancing to the loud music. She found herself sitting down with Leia, ordering a bucket of beer. Marisol and Linds were still on the dance floor. 

Leia eyed her speculatively. 

“So . . . you set a wedding date yet?”

Jyn smiled, looking at her ring. “Nope not yet. We're waiting till after Kate graduates. Maybe this summer?” She wondered why her and Cassian hadn't set a date yet. She just realized he tiptoed around the subject of the wedding. Frowning into her beer, she wondered why? Did he think she was still skittish about commitment? It’s like he was taking things super slow, scared to push her. 

“What are your plans after you get married?”

Leia shook Jyn out of her thoughts. 

She took a long draw from the bottle, trying to take as long as possible in answering the question. “Hmmm . . . not sure.”

Leia picked up on the hesitancy and pounced. 

“What do you mean you're not sure? Are you leaving?”

Jyn hated to lie. She had worked with this team for years. 

She nodded her head yes, reaching for another bottle. 

“Shut the fuck up! You're going to leave? You've been here for almost twenty years. What are you going to do? What's Jack going to do? Oh my God - have you even told him yet?” 

It was at this moment Marisol and Lindsey came back to the table and overheard Leia. 

“You’re leaving?” They both shrieked simultaneously. 

Jyn stared at them, deer in the headlight look on her face. 

She grabbed another bottle of beer. She was going to need to be drunk for this. 

“Yes, I'm leaving.”

One drink.

“I'm thinking of consulting.”

Another drink

“Yes I've told Jack but I haven't told him when.”

One last drink

“Jack will be fine without me.”

Bottle finished. Mic drop. Or so she thought.

They all burst out laughing. 

“Jack is going to lose it - he can't manage without you.” Leia burst out, still laughing. 

“You guys, he'll be fine,” Jyn protested. 

Marisol raised her eyebrows, grimacing. “I don't know, Jyn. He's pretty dependent on you. It's borderline . . . -” she stopped, pretty sure she shouldn't say it. 

“What?” Jyn demanded. 

Linds - never one to mince words - cut in. “Your like his work wife.”

Jyn gasped. “Eww - What the hell is a work wife? I only want to be Cassian’s wife.”.

Leia tried to explain. “Well not in that sense but with Jack . . .” she stopped, not wanting to go there. Jyn, having had too many beers and distracted at the thought of being a work wife, didn’t catch her hesitation.

Leia corrected herself.  “Anyways, a work wife or  _ spouse,  _ is someone that you rely upon immensely at work. They’re the first person you go to for problems, solutions, ideas. They support you no matter what. They’re loyal.”

Jyn frowned. “That sounds like a dog. And I am certainly not a pet.”

They all shrugged their shoulders and went back to drinking, none of them wanting to think of Jyn leaving. Of the gaping hole that would be left in the office.

 

Jyn didn’t get home until late, close to 2am. It had been ages since she had been out that late. Her phone had died when they were at the bar and she didn’t have a battery pack on her to charge it so she was surprised when she plugged it in and nearly ten text messages and missed Skype calls popped up on her phone. 

All from Cassian and one from Kate warning her that he was looking for her. The last message from Cassian was from about ten minutes ago, threatening to call the police if she didn’t call him back.  _ Not text him back - but emphasis on the word “call” him back. _

_ Shit.  _

She took the chicken way out and called him rather than try to do a video call. 

He picked up the phone right away. He was an ocean away and she could literally feel his anger.

“Jyn, you better switch this over to a video call right now so I can make sure your home,” he seethed, his voice low.

She meekly hit the button, switching over to a video call. 

He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her. But he was still fucking mad. “I’ve been trying to get ahold of you for the past six hours. Kate said you were at work, I tried calling your office and you weren’t there.  You weren’t picking up your phone. What the hell is going on?”

Jyn frowned. She could have sworn she told Kate she was going out after work but when she looked at her phone, she had mistyped and said “ _ Going at work, will be home late.” _

She winced. 

“Ohhh . . .”

Cassian was still seething. “Oh? Is that all I get is an  _ Oh?  _ Jyn, I’ve been worried sick. I had half a mind to call your dad. I didn’t want to worry Kate since she was watching the boys so I left her alone. She probably thought you were at work this whole time.”

_ Jyn remembered, back when Kate and the boys were little, how she would take them into the office, when she really would be working late, trying to distract herself. Kate would sleep on the couch in Jack’s office and the boys would be curled up in their playpen. She bet Kate probably thought she really was at the office, working herself to death, avoiding thinking about the absence of normally a nice, kind man but a pretty pissed one right now, in their life.  _

“I’m sorry, Cass. I . . . a few of us went out after work and I thought I had told Kate we were going out but looks like I didn’t. I . . . since we weren’t scheduled to talk, I didn’t think about letting you know.”

He calmed down . . . a little bit. “Who all went out?” His face casual. He didn’t want to be jealous, he really didn’t. But . . . he couldn’t help it. 

“It was just us girls - me, Leia, Lindsey and Marisol.”

He finally relaxed.

“I’m sorry - I didn’t mean to get mad. I was just . . . after yesterday’s call, I was worried.”

She yawned. “It’s okay. I should have followed up with Kate.”

He realized the time. It was nearly three in the morning. “I’ll let you go, querida. You need some sleep. Talk to you in a couple of days?”

She nodded her head, sleepily. “I love you Cass.”

“Love you too, honey.”

She fell asleep right away, a smile on her face. 


	33. Chapter 33

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian gets jealous, Jyn has to potentially deal with the reappearance of someone.

It was a couple of days before the holiday board meeting when Jyn heard it. The ping of the phones in the office, the discreet texts back and forth, the whispers.

_Oh no . . . not again._

Sighing to herself, she did a quick search for Cassian’s name to see if anything popped up she should be aware of. She normally never did this but she’d rather know something first rather than have Solo come in and throw it in her face. She looked at her phone - _no nothing on Google. Hmm . . . maybe this time, it wasn’t about her._

Wishful thinking.

_Marisol didn’t even have the nerve to come into her office._

She opened up an email, it was the RSVP list for the board meeting. Jyn perused it, noting new members to create wealth screenings on. _Hmm . . . nothing out of the ordi-._ Then she froze, her eyes glued to one name.

_Damon._

The immature, conversation-avoiding Jyn wanted to scream and ask why he was invited. But the happily engaged, mature, open Jyn realized belatedly that he was a board member and it was their board annual holiday party so it made sense. She just found it odd he was coming all of a sudden. _Maybe he held off on attending before because of them, their history? Now that they were “okay”, he felt more comfortable coming around?_

Ugh . . . Cassian was not going to be happy. He wasn’t a jealous guy but she could tell he tensed up whenever Damon’s name came up. She had hoped he would be able to go to the holiday party with her but he wasn’t due to come back until a couple of days after.

 

Cassian, it turns out, _was_ a jealous guy. He about flipped a lid when Jyn told him Damon was going to the board meeting. _Why was he coming now?_ He didn’t buy Jyn’s reasoning that Damon felt more comfortable getting involved with the university now that the two of them had closure. He knew he was being immature and petty. He was just . . . ugh, he was missing her so much and it just rankled him that this guy, this past _boyfriend_ got to see her before he could.

 

The day of the party, Jyn was running around like a mad woman. Kate finished with finals so she went on a ski trip with a few friends to Mammoth. Jyn had to meet her dad half way to take him the boys. They were out on Christmas vacation and he wanted them to help him put the lights up on his house and decorate so they were going to stay overnight. Jyn felt guilty she hadn’t decorated her house yet. She wanted Cassian to be there when they decorated and when she found out he wouldn’t be home until close to Christmas, she started to get the decorations but the boys and Kate wanted her to wait for him. So instead, she just put up the tree with lights on it and the boys put lights on her house and they put lights on Cassian’s house too, wanting to surprise him.

 

Getting ready for the party, her thoughts drifted to Cassian. She couldn’t wait for him to be home. There was so much left unsaid in their calls . . . just too many things that they were having trouble communicating. She could tell he wasn’t too pleased when she told him Damon would be at the party. But he didn’t say anything. He just had that look in his face, the one that didn’t betray an emotion, but she knew, it was just bubbling underneath the surface.   

He had nothing to worry about.  Had it been eight, nine months ago when she saw Damon during alumni week, then yeah, it was a different story. She no longer felt the anxiety she felt then, when faced with having to see him. Sure, it was always awkward seeing an ex, especially if you had someone new in your life with you when you saw them. Like the gala, for example. Now that was fucking uncomfortable. At the gala she was professing her love for Cassian, a love that she was incapable of having for Damon.   

She had even debated not going, just to reassure him, make him feel better. But again, it was one of those events where all hands were on deck and Jack had insisted she be there. She was starting to see where the girls came up with this whole work wife business. It seemed like lately he was incapable of doing anything on his own, throwing more and more work her way. If she didn’t know any better, he was thinking of her being there longer than she had planned. She wondered if it was denial on his part or if he was trying to give her more responsibilities, as an incentive to stay.

Jyn sighed. After the new year, she would talk to him and give him a date.

She put the last touches of her make-up on, got dressed and walked out the front door.

 Standing on her doorstep, with a bouquet of flowers, was Cassian, warm brown eyes crinkled in a smile.

 All thoughts of the party, of work, of Damon, fled Jyn’s mind as she dropped her purse, her keys on the floor and threw herself at him, hugging him tightly.

“I didn’t think you were coming until next week,” she breathed, scattering kisses all over his face.

He held her tightly. It felt so right, so good to have her in his arms. “We finished up a couple of days early and I hopped on the first flight back. I couldn’t wait.” He stepped back and looked at her. Her hair had grown longer and she had curled it so it fell softly around her shoulders. She had on a fitted forest green cocktail dress with silver heels that nearly brought her to his chin, barely. Her eyes were green today, sparkling, like a Christmas tree. She was so beautiful. Fuck he had missed her. 

“You were on your way out, huh?” He said, trying not to be disappointed. He had forgot that her work party was that night. She looked so pretty, dressed up, eyes shining.

Jyn looked at him. He looked so good . . . but tired. She couldn’t expect him to go with her. He just flew across the ocean to be with her. So she made a choice.

For once in her life, Jyn chose herself. She chose _him._

She grinned at Cassian, eyes mischievous. “I was . . . but there’s someplace else I’d rather be,” she said suggestively, looping her arms around his neck, kissing him in that spot right under his ear. It was really the only spot she could reach being on her tippy toes and all. _But at least it was the right spot, she thought, gently sucking on it._

Cassian shivered, goosebumps on his arms, and other areas of his body getting tingly. _Oh yeah, I definitely missed her._

He pulled her to him, his mouth on hers, his tongue exploring her lazily. Every time they were apart and reconnected, it was new territory, as if he had to familiarize himself with _her_ again.

“Los niños?” He murmured against her lips. _The kids?_

“At my dads,” she replied, unbuttoning his shirt.

“Overnight?” He asked, slowly unzipping her dress.

“Hmmm . . . uh huh,” she replied, getting to his belt buckle.

Her dress fell to the floor. “Kate?” He asked, lightly caressing her back, undoing her bra with the flick of a wrist.

“Skiing - Mammoth. Tomorrow.” was all Jyn could get out as she unbuttoned his pants.  

“I came back at a good time then,” he smiled, wickedly, picking Jyn up and gently placing her on the couch.

She cupped his face, breathing him in. “I missed you so much, Cass.”

He bent his face down to capture her lips again. “Me too, querida. Me too.”

 

He was laying there on the floor, Jyn curled up in his arms, sleeping. He didn’t even know when they moved from the couch to the floor. But then blushed when he remembered Jyn saying in a low whisper in his ear, _“C’mon Cass, there’s only so many ways we can do this on the couch. Floor or bed - now.”_

(The floor was obviously a lot closer).

He pulled her tighter to him. It was so nice to finally be back. He knew he had his house he still had to go to and he couldn’t wait for the day when they were all in one place but oh, how he was enjoying the peace and quiet right now, the feel of _her_ next to him. The fireplace was on and her Christmas tree was lit up. He couldn’t have asked for anything more.

  
He was finally _home._


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Holiday decorating. Wedding plans are made.

Jyn woke up, in her usual, cat-like position, snuggled up to Cassian. His eyes were closed but he was awake, running his fingers through her hair.

“Hi,” she said sleepily.

“Hmmm . . . ,” he said, nuzzling her. “Good morning, sleepyhead.”

She curled up closer to him. “I missed this.”

He nodded his head, understanding. It wasn’t so much the physical contact between them but the companionship, the feeling of having her close by. Just knowing that she was all his. 

He turned to her, squeezing her bare shoulders. “So what’s on the agenda for today?”

She looked at him shyly. “We’ve been holding off decorating the tree until you came back . . . are you okay with that? My dad was going to meet me halfway to get the kids, maybe we could do lunch and then come back here and decorate?

She quickly added. “Or if you want, we could go decorate your house today? It’s up to you . . . or if you just want to go home and relax, that’s fine too.”

Jyn felt awkward all of a sudden. She didn’t know how to be with someone during the holidays. She had been alone for so long, just her and the kids and was so used to it being just them that she didn’t want Cassian to feel like he was intruding or what if things like decorating a tree or the house, weren’t important to him?

 Cassian was overjoyed. Seeing how she was opening up to him, including him, just made him love her more. It had been so long since he had been home for Christmas, he had been so busy, zipping around from one place to the next, that it never dawned on him, the time and effort his parents had put into making sure he felt at home during the holidays. But seeing how she had waited, he would never deny her the opportunity to make him feel a part of their family, their home.

“I would love to help you guys decorate.”

They stopped at Cassian’s house first before they went to meet her dad. He noticed the lights on his house and turned to Jyn.

“Did you do this?” he asked, excited.

She was suddenly shy. “I . . . bought them but the kids put them up. We wanted you to make sure you felt at home.”

“You don’t mind, do you? I’m sorry we should have asked. We just thought . . .”

He cut her off. “Are you kidding? I love them. I can’t wait to see them at night time.” He was already thinking of going shopping with the boys tomorrow and picking up some inflatables, a light up reindeer, a nativity scene. Maybe those light projector thingys. He never had a house, a yard to decorate before and her enthusiasm for the holidays, for Christmas was catching on to him. He had been so focused on filming and had been missing her so much that he just realized Christmas was right around the corner. He had to go shopping for gifts, figure out what to buy the boys, Kate and Jyn. He should probably get a present for Galen too. _Oh man, should I buy one for her brother?_ Then he had to shop for his family and ship it in enough time so they could get it for Christmas. He would be on the shit list if it didn’t get there in time. Especially since he couldn’t make it back to his parents this year.

Jyn poked him out of his thoughts. “Cass, you okay? You got pale all of a sudden.”

Then Jyn heard words of his mouth that she never thought she would hear from someone of the male species.

He looked at her, his eyes serious. “I need to go shopping.”

She grinned. “You don’t have to to tell me twice.”

 

They picked up the boys, Galen congratulating Cassian on the engagement. He ducked his head down, embarrassed. He really should have asked Galen for Jyn’s hand in marriage but Jyn was not having it. But then he asked a question that Cassian had been avoiding asking Jyn.

“So . . . you guys, when’s the big date?” He asked, as they all sat down for lunch.

Jyn glanced nervously at Cassian who seemed to have trouble swallowing his food.

“Uh . . . we haven’t picked a date yet, Dad. We were waiting till Kate graduated to figure it out.”

Galen didn’t seem to notice the reluctance in either of them wanting to talk about the wedding.

“So big wedding, small wedding? Location? Here? Closer to Cassian’s family? Mexico?”

Jyn took a deep breath. _Of all times for her dad to want to know things about her life._ “Not too sure - haven’t decided yet,” she said again, trying not to sound irritated.

Thankfully Teddy provided a welcome distraction. “I want to be a groomsman.” Jacob wrinkled his nose at him. “Ted, you’re too little, you can be a ring bearer.” Which then of course led to them fighting about who was old enough to even be in the wedding party. Cassian finally broke it up when he asked what they wanted for Christmas, which then turned into a whole different conversation . . .

 

By the time they returned home, it was already dark out. It had started raining so she made some hot chocolate and put out cookies to snack on. Cassian and the boys brought in the boxes from the garage. Kate had just returned back from her ski trip so she helped Jyn dust and clean up the house before the decorations were laid out. Each ornament had a special meaning - either it was picked up on a trip, or it was a gift or they bought it someplace special. Jyn felt a little bit awkward when she unwrapped an ornament that had a picture of her and Alec with the boys when they were babies. _She remembered when she bought it, trying to personalize it, hoping that Alec would like it but he was such a workaholic that he just glanced briefly at it muttering that it was nice and then went back to his work._

She was going to leave it in the box when Cassian saw it.

“Querida, you can put it up, it’s okay.”

She glanced down, gently holding it in her hand. “Are you sure? I mean . . . it doesn’t hold much for me anymore but the kids . . . they never really knew him, they didn’t see that side of him.”

“Honey . . . he was their father. That’s all they need to know.”

She relented, hanging the ornament up.

_Of course, she put it towards the back of the tree._

Cassian unwrapped other ornaments and she would point out the significance of them. There was one of her mom and dad. He studied it carefully. “Your boys are the spitting image of your mom,” he noticed. He had always wondered where they got their big brown eyes from - Jyn had her weird colored eyes that he loved and he noticed Alec had blue eyes.

Jyn smiled looking at the picture fondly. “Yeah, my mom, she loved that they got her eyes. None of her kids got them nor Kate so when I had these two . . . she was ecstatic.  The genes run strong in my family.” She poked him playfully in the side. “No polluting my gene pool,” she teased him.  

Cassian quickly looked at her when she said that. It was the first time the topic had come up between the two of them about kids. Jyn blushed, realizing what she had said.

“Hmmm . . . there’s nothing wrong with brown eyes,” he commented, quietly.

_And then Jyn pictured it - a baby. Another boy with brown eyes. But with Cassian’s nose and his cheekbones. Hair the color of dark chocolate. Jeez she was too old to have babies, close to her mid-thirties. No way._

She shook her head and winked at him. “Green is better, they're more rare.”

He scoffed. “Oh please. . . you're eyes are only green when you want them to be.”

Kate chose that moment to brush up against the both of them. “Blue is the best.”

The boys of course sided with Cassian. “Brown.” They nodded, affirming. Jyn and Kate were outvoted.

 

The house was finally all decorated, Kate and the boys had all gone to their bedrooms to put up their own decorations and Jyn was relaxing on the couch, in her usual spot, cuddled up next to Cassian. He had put on the fireplace, the TV was on to some holiday movie and they were both just relaxing, enjoying the quiet. Jyn was trying to enjoy the comfort of _him,_ but her mind was racing, thinking of things they hadn’t talked about yet.

“Cass?” Jyn said breaking the quiet.

“Hmmm . . .,” he was borderline dozing off, the jet lag finally catching up to him.

“Did you still -” she swallowed, hating to voice it, “did you still want to get married?”

He sat up, his eyes wide-open. _What the fuck prompted that question?_ Trying to calm down, he turned and looked at her, “Jyn, of course. What . . . I don’t understand - why would you ask that? Do you not want to?” He was borderline panicking. He thought everything was going good between them.

She responded, her voice small. “I . . . we . . . haven’t set a date yet and when my dad asked today . . . you seemed uncomfortable.”

He pulled her into his lap, embracing her. “Oh . . . honey. No, I want to marry you as soon as possible. Now. Tomorrow. The day after. Tonight.” He wanted her tied to him permanently. The sooner, the better. He’d march her down to the courthouse tomorrow if she’d let him.

She looked confused. “Then . . . why . . . earlier with my dad - ,”

Now Cassian felt bad. “Jyn . . . I . . . I don’t want to make the same mistake I made last year. When we rushed into a relationship and you weren’t ready.” He cupped her face, his thumb lightly caressing her lips. “I was trying to take it slow this time and with me leaving, I wanted you to know that I would always be here for you, that I was in it for the long run.”

Jyn finally realized what he was _not_ saying. “You were worried I would run?”

He avoided looking at her, not wanting to hurt her. “I did,” he confessed. “I wanted to take baby steps, for you to get used to the idea of getting married and being with me . . . forever.”

“But seeing you, now, here, and this,” waving his hand between them, the closeness, “I should never have worried. I’m sorry, querida.”

Jyn looked up at him, her eyes solemn. “I’ll never run from you again, Cass. Never.”

He pulled her tighter to him, trying to get her as close as possible to him. “Sooo . . . a date, location, you want to get married here?”

She grinned, now finally, they were talking about it. “Are you fine with a small wedding, maybe just family and a couple of friends?”

He nodded his head. He would give her whatever her heart desired.

“I was thinking this summer, when we visit your family in Mexico,” she said shyly, peeking up at him.

His heart soared, not that he couldn’t believe it, but that she was thinking of him and his family.

Jyn went on. “It’s just . . . . you have more family down there and it’s just me and the kids, my dad and brother.”

He smiled, looking at her. “Of course, my mom and dad would love it. I just have to make sure I tell them _small_ wedding. Just immediate family.”

The settled on a date near the end of June. Kate’s graduation was in May and she didn’t start grad school until August, plus the boys would be out for summer vacation.

Cassian wanted to ask her about their living arrangements. He wanted to be with her and the kids every day. He hated the going back and forth and not being able to spend the night in her arms. When he came back from filming, he wanted to be with her, night and day. And not wait until the wedding. He was pretty sure the boys wouldn’t mind and Kate wouldn’t either.

Jyn actually brought it up first.

“I  . . . figured since your house was bigger, we could move in there?” She asked, eyes hopeful.

He grabbed her hands, “Yes. Yes. I would love it. Are you sure you won’t miss your home though? You have memories, here, Jyn. The kids, Kate growing up.”

Jyn brought his hand to her mouth and kissed it. “I want new ones with you, in a new home. Plus . . . ,” she hadn’t broken the news yet that Kate would be on her own, “with Kate graduating and going to grad school, she wants to be on her own. I thought she could live here, that this could be _her_ home now.”

Cassian frowned. “Ahh . . . I wanted her with us . . . but I get it. She’s getting older, she wants to be independent. So now the final question . . .  ”

Jyn stilled, he seemed serious.

“Can you please move in before we get married?” He begged, his eyes wide, pleading. “I want to be with you every day, I want to fall asleep next to you in my arms. I want to make breakfast for you in bed. I want to take the kids to school in the morning. I don’t want to sleep in a bed alone when I come back.”

Jyn hesitated. She had been so focused on being a good mom, on trying to be appropriate, to set a good example for her boys. But Cassian was going to be her husband for crying out loud, their dad. Why was she putting them through the ringer? She was sure they wouldn’t mind - in fact, they would love it. They would have their own room, a pool.

She nodded her head, eyes smiling. “We would love to move in with you, Cass. The sooner, the better.”

 

The time Cassian was there went by way too fast. They opened presents on Christmas Eve and visited  Galen and Callen on Christmas Day. Jyn had even bought a present for Callen, giving him a picture frame of an old photo she found of Callen, her sisters and Jyn when she was a baby. Jyn’s heart melted at the gift Cassian gave her - a pair of emerald and sapphire earrings that matched her engagement ring. She gave him a travel digital frame and had loaded pictures from their trip to Mexico, and some pictures of her and the boys on it. She had even found a few photos they took in Hawaii. Looking at those she couldn’t believe how her life had changed since then. She didn’t realize how lonely she was, how she ached for someone. Not until Cassian literally invaded her life.

 

He had to leave the day after New Years. One of her (many) resolutions had been to not miss him so much, to not cry.

(She always broke her resolutions anyways).

They were there at the airport - just them two, hugging as always. He nuzzled his head into her neck. “Jyn,” he breathed. “I’m sorry.”

She clung to him, not wanting to let go. She didn’t bother hiding the tears this time.

Cassian could feel the dampness on his shirt. He didn’t know how he was going to go without her for four months. They could barely be apart for two months last time.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered to her, again. “I wish . . . I wish we had more time. I wish I could stay.” He would be filming in various locations so it wasn’t even possible for her to try and visit.

“I have to go querida.” He hugged her tight. “I love you so much.”

He kissed her hard one last time and left.


	35. Chapter 35

Jyn dreaded going back to work. She was just done. Plus she knew Jack was going to pitch a fit that she missed the board meeting. A part of her wanted to leave sooner rather than later but she needed an outlet, she needed a distraction. At least until April. Until _he came back._

Sure enough, Jack called her into his office first thing in the morning.

“Hi,” she said, chipper. “Happy New Year.”

He studied her. She seemed happy, in a better mood than before the break. “Happy New Year to you too, Jyn. Missed you at the board meeting. A lot of _people_ asked about you.”

(People meaning Damon most likely).

She nodded her head, hands folded behind her back. “Hmmm . . . yeah, something came up. Last minute emergency. Sorry - I should have called but it was a bit crazy.”

_Yeah they were a bit crazy trying to get their clothes off of each other._

She had to try hard not to smile.

Surprisingly he didn’t push it.

 

The rest of the month flew by. Cassian called nearly every day and Jyn committed to making the time to talk to him, no matter if it was during the work day or middle of the night. Those calls helped fight the ache they both felt. Plus she spent time cleaning out the house, buying boxes for the big move.

On top of getting ready to move, Kate came home with the schedule for senior days, picking up her cap and gown, buying a class ring, a diploma frame. Ordering announcements. Jyn got emotional. She wished - _oh how she wished -_ that her sisters were here to see this beautiful young woman graduate, ready to take on the world.  She remembered the dream she had last year. The one where God gave her back her sisters, her mom and Eve, for just one time, one last celebration. While she would have loved to have them for the wedding, it would have meant the world to Kate for her mom to be there at her graduation. For the grandma that watched telenovelas with her to be there. Jyn sighed, staring at the announcement. _There just wasn’t that much family left._

 

Thankfully February was a short month and it brought Cassian’s return home closer. Two more months. She could do this. He called her one evening, happy.

“Hi,” he said, smiling that smile, the one that could light up a room.

“Hey Handsome!!”

“Two more months, honey, and I’ll be home.”

She beamed at him. She didn’t think they would be able to handle the time apart, especially this time, but it was going by fast.

“I can’t wait to have you home.”

“I can’t wait to be home,” he said, still smiling. “How’s work? How are the kids? Kate?”

“Everyone’s doing good. The boys miss you and keep bugging me to move so they can go swimming.”

Cassian frowned. “Isn’t it too cold to go swimming?”

Jyn rolled her eyes. “Cass, it’s Southern California. It’s never too cold to go swimming. People ski in shorts for crying out loud.”

He noticed she didn’t mention work so he asked again. “How’s work?” he repeated.

Jyn bit her lip.

She looked down.

Then covered her mouth.

Which was never a good sign.

“It’s going good,” she said, not looking at him, being evasive.

“Jyn . . .,” he warned. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

Then he knew. “You haven’t told Jack you’re leaving yet, have you?”

She looked away, replying in a small voice. “No, not yet.”

Cassian sighed, “Oh honey. I thought you told him last month. Do you not want to leave? That’s fine if you want to stay.”

“No . . . I don’t want to stay. Cass . . . ugh . . . you know how I am about talking about things. I just haven’t got the nerve yet to do it.”

“Sweetie . . . just talk to Jack. I’m sure he’ll support your decision.”

She took a deep breath, blowing her bangs out of her face. “I will,” she promised. “I’ll talk to him soon.”

 

She didn’t work up the nerve to tell Jack she was leaving until March. She knew it was now or never. Cassian was coming back sometime around the middle of April and she wanted to be one (short) leg out the door when he came back. She would have waited longer to tell Jack but it got to the point where she didn’t have a choice.

They were meeting, reviewing her work plan when he circled back to her international fundraising plan.  
“Oh, that reminds me. Alumni Week is in May so giving you notice now to make your travel arrangements.”

Jyn paused what she was doing. She wasn’t planning on being here in May.

It was now or never.

She looked up at him, her eyes wide, scared but relieved. “I won’t be here in May,” she said slowly.

Jack looked at her, irritated. “Where the hell are you going? You’ve taken enough vacation to last a lifetime.”

She blew off the comment. As if she didn’t work 80-hour weeks. _Asshole._

“Jack . . . I won’t be here. Working. I’m leaving. This is my eight-week notice. Officially.”

He literally didn’t speak for two minutes. “What do you mean you’re leaving,” he finally said. “I don’t understand.”

Jyn put down the notebook she had been clutching onto. “Jack . . . I told you last year that I wasn’t going to stay,” she gently reminded him.

He looked at her engagement ring, trying to tamp down the unwelcome emotions it brought out in him. “Yeah . . . but I thought after you were married, maybe a year or two, then you would leave. You’re not getting married until July.”

“I want to leave now,” she said, softly. “I . . . don’t want to  . . . -” she stopped, needing to start over. “I . . . you know I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, right?” She said, patting his arm. “You’ve seen me at my worst and you still kept me around.”

She went on.

“Jack, I love this place, this campus. I . . . you guys are like family to me. But . . . I’m . . . I’ve been here for over fifteen years. I - I have a new chapter of my life that I need to start.”

He shook his head wearily. “Jyn, why now? Why not wait? With Kate graduating, you’re getting married. Why uproot your life? Figure out married life first then decide what you want. Go from there.”

_She had already decided what she wanted. She wanted Cassian._

She had to be more direct. “Jack, I don’t want to be tied to an office anymore. I want to be able to come and go. I want to be able to just take a day off and make the kids ditch school and go to the beach. I want to be able to travel. I can’t do that, being here.”

_Travel with him, Jack thought bitterly._

“Jyn . . . you won’t be happy not working,” he warned.

She was finally getting irritated. “I’m not happy working right now,” she snapped. “Every day, it’s more and more work from you and I’m done, Jack. I’m done.”

He sat back suddenly as if she had slapped him.

She sighed, letting out a deep breath. “Jack . . .you know, you know that I love my job. I still plan on working - I’m going to consult. I’ve already made a lot of contacts at smaller universities. But I want to be able to set my own hours, my own schedule. I can’t do that here. It’s not fair to you, to the staff.”

He seemed to finally absorb what she was telling him. “I can’t convince you to stay? A promotion? Senior director?” He asked, sadly.

She smiled at him tiredly, shaking her head. “It’s time for me to move on. This place, you, saved my life. I wouldn’t have been able to go on without you, your support. You know that, right?”

_She thought back to that night so many years ago when she broke down, crying hysterically at her desk. Alec had been dead for a year, the court case against that stupid shipping company wasn't moving along, Callen had just told her that he refused to testify, Kate got in trouble at school and to top it off, the stupid preschool she enrolled Jacob at was threatening to expel him for cussing, that it wasn't proper language. Jyn had had it. She kindly explained to the principal that it was proper English and could be used in many forms. Fuck - adjective. Fucker - noun. Fucking - verb. Fucked - past tense. She had a feeling she'd have to find a new school after that conversation._

_Callen calling her had been the tip of the iceberg, when she finally broke. She slammed her phone down and wanted to throw something, anything. She started off with a vase, then her keyboard, her mouse. She tried throwing her laptop but couldn't undock it. She went to throw a picture frame, one she had of her sisters, when she felt a hand clasp around her wrist, stopping her._

_“Jyn.”_

_It was Jack. He had just buried his wife two months ago and the pain on his face reflected her own. They were both drowning in misery, grief._

_He drew her to him and she started crying, uncontrollably, tears soaking his shirt._

_“You’ll get through this. You know that, right?” He assured her, still lightly hugging her._

_“I don't think I can,” she mumbled. “It's too hard - the boys, I'm raising a teenage girl, I don't have my brother or dad around to help. I'm so tired of being alone.”_

_Jyn looked up at him, her eyes so blue in contrast to the tears. And that's when Jack saw it - the vulnerability, the need. He knew what he had to do, to make her forget, to help her survive._

_Realizing he was still holding her, she stepped back, embarrassed. He faintly smiled, patting her shoulder. “You’re stronger than you know, Jyn. I’ll help you through this, okay?”_

_She nodded her head, looking at the disarray her office was in, grimacing._

_“Go home, Jyn, I’ll take care of this.”_

_She came back to the office that following Monday, a fresh coat of paint on the walls, a new keyboard, a new vase with fresh flowers and a new mouse, and a list, three pages long of projects Jack wanted her to work on. The projects were challenging, required training, learning new skills. Jyn immersed herself in it, using work as a distraction from facing her problems, her sadness._

Jack interrupted her thoughts, also reflecting back on that night so long ago. “I think we saved each other, Jyn.” _It took her years to realize that he could have done the work himself, quicker, faster. But he gave it to her because she needed it. She needed something to save her._

But here she was, ten years later, no longer needing work to _save her._ She had someone now. Somebody to share the rest of her life with. _Cassian._ He was her saving grace.

Jack leaned against his desk, folding his arms. “So . . . end of April then?”

She nodded. He smiled at her, thinking of the beautiful, smart-ass, 17 year old girl that walked into his office, telling him it would be in _his_ best interests to give _her_ a job.

Shaking his head, laughing at the memory, he said, “It’s been a wild ride, Jyn. A wild ride.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn's going away party

Jyn and the boys were at Cassian’s house, moving in. Cassian wanted her to wait until he got home to move so he could help her pack but Jyn wanted to surprise him. Wanted to be in his bed with him his first night back. She was tempted to send the kids to her dad’s for the weekend so she could have a really _good_ night with him but they were excited that he was coming home.

 She was bending over unpacking a box when she heard a commotion at the front door. The kids had been going in and out of the house, moving boxes from the truck to the living room. Wondering what the commotion was, she walked out to see the kids wrapped around Cassian, hugging him. They were growing so fast that he didn’t even need to stoop down anymore to hug them back. Her heart melted at the emotions on Cassian’s face. It just dawned on her how much harder it must have been for him. For her, she was just missing one link these past eight months. But for him, he had been missing four important people in his life.

He looked up at her, his brown eyes light with happiness.

She went up to him, kissing him, not minding the boys making their faces. “Cass,” she breathed. “Welcome home.”

“Querida . . . it is so good to finally be home,” he said, picking her up around the waist and twirling her around. “So good.”

 She made lunch and they were sitting around the kitchen table, boxes surrounding them. The boys had decided to take a break from unpacking and were swimming outside.

Cassian waved his hand at all the boxes. “What is all this? I thought you were going to wait until I came back. I didn’t want you to do this by yourself.”

She grabbed his hand. “I didn’t want to wait anymore. We’ve slowly been moving things in but I wanted to be with you your first night back.”

He raised her hand up, kissing the inside of her wrist, looking at her hungrily. She looked so beautiful with her hair up in a messy pony tail and dirt smeared on her face from moving. “The boys still heavy sleepers?” he asked quietly, desire written all over his face.

“Uh huh,” she said, looking out the window at them splashing around in the pool. “Their hearing is pretty shitty too.” He grabbed her hand and they quickly ran off to the bedroom, taking advantage of the time they had.

 

* * *

 

Cassian realized the Ersos were definitely not morning people. He got up early on Monday morning to make breakfast and was glancing at his watch as the time got later and later. _Don’t they have to get to work and school?_ This was all new to him - this domesticity. But since he didn’t have to report back into the studio for a couple of weeks, he might as well get used to being a _future_ husband and dad.  

Jyn finally woke up, bleary eyed, looking for coffee. Cassian already had it prepared for her - strong with a lot of cream. Jake and Teddy woke up next, dragging their feet to the table where Cassian had already laid out their chocolate milk, eggs and pancakes. Their brown eyes went wide looking at the food.

“What’s this? Did I miss a birthday?” Jake asked, already stuffing a pancake in his mouth. Jyn glared at him over her coffee cup.

“It’s breakfast,” Cassian announced, putting a bowl of chopped fruit on the table. “You know, the most important meal of the day.”

Both boys looked at him as if he was speaking Spanish they hadn’t learned yet.

“Uh . . . Mom usually gives us a banana to eat on the way to school.”

This time Cassian glared at Jyn. She blushed. It’s not that she was a bad mother - it’s just she never had time to make breakfast. “Hey sometimes we stop and get a donut.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. _As if a donut was any better._

Jyn stomped off to take her shower. _Damn Cassian, showing off his parenting skills._

 She took a quick shower, did her hair and makeup, rushing to get the kids to school on time. Preparing to yell at the boys to get ready, she walked out to the living room to find them dressed with their backpacks on. They even combed their hair. _What the fuck?_ Cassian had his car keys out.

“What are you doing?” She blurted out.

He looked at her innocently. “I’m taking them to school. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Oh . . . okay. I just . . . .” realizing that this gave her more time, she said lamely. “Okay”

He kissed her on the cheek. “Lunch today, querida?”

Still in shock, she absently nodded her head yes.

She could get used to living with this man.

* * *

 

Jyn was on the phone talking to Leia when Cassian picked her up for lunch. She could literally hear Marisol melting in the floor, trying to talk to him but stuttering. The only cool one was Ethan who congratulated him on the engagement. Jyn was trying to get off the phone before Jack came out. She noticed Cassian always tensed up when he was around and she couldn’t figure out why. His smiles always seemed to firm up a bit whenever he saw her and Jack together.

 “Hi handsome,” she said, greeting him with a kiss on the lips. Her last day was in a couple of days and she had zero fucks to give about what people thought at work.

“Hey,” he said, giving her _his smile._

_She could see why Marisol always lost herself when he was around._

“Ready for lunch?”

She nodded her head, going back into her office to grab her purse and keys.

It was at this time Jack came out of the office.

_Sigh. Now she would have to deal with Cranky Cass._

“Cassian - hey - welcome back.”

“It’s good to finally be back,” he said, circling his arm possessively around Jyn’s waist. “I missed this one.”

She gave him a questioning look. _This was new._

“Well, _I_ made sure to keep her busy,” Jack said, fake smiling. “You coming to her going away party on Friday?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he replied. He ducked his head towards Jyn. “You ready for lunch, honey?”

Jyn . . . still perplexed by the conversation, just nodded her head.

 “So what was that with Jack?” Jyn asked over lunch. “You were a bit . . . abrupt. It’s not like you.”

He looked at her, eyes innocent, chewing his food slowly. “Hmmm . . . nothing. I was just hungry. Plus, I wanted to get going.”

She eyed him speculatively. Cassian put on his actor face. He knew he shouldn’t worry about Jack but knowing how he felt about Jyn, he had just wanted to make sure it was clear. _Jyn was his girl._ She had told him how her conversation went with him when she resigned and he was irked that he tried talking her out of leaving. He knew it shouldn’t bug him - _Jyn chose him -_ but he was still annoyed.  

She took his word for it and went back to eating, chattering about the next few days and her going away party.

 

The office brought in Leia to plan her party and she went all out. They reserved one of the university’s large hospitality rooms that was in the tallest building on campus. The entire south wall was glass and had an amazing view of the city lights and harbor. Jyn didn’t want a big shindig - she really didn’t like being the center of attention but she was shocked at how many people came. People she hadn’t seen in years but had interacted with at some point or another. Former student assistants, students she had mentored over the years. Professors she took classes with. Javier was there - trying to convince her to sing which she vehemently refused - after all - this was her night to not do anything. She had a sneaky suspicion a lot of people came to see Cassian. He had been surrounded all night by people talking to him, getting his autograph, trying to get scoop on his upcoming movie.

_She thought of the gala, nearly a year ago, remembering meeting his eyes across the room and seeing everyone around him, doubting if she was enough, if he would leave her behind._

_But then seeing him, and his smile and how he loved her children. She knew then. Knew he would never leave her._

Leia went up to the podium, tapping on a glass to get everyone’s attention. She thanked everyone for attending and invited people to come up and share their experiences working with Jyn.

_Ugh . . . Jyn thought. This was the part she wasn't going to like._

Cassian had quietly come up to her and put his arm around her waist. She noticed he had been doing that a lot lately, his possessive touches. She leaned into him, enjoying the feel of his lean body against hers, dreading the speeches.

 

Of course, Leia started it off.

“Jyn, we've had a lot of crazy adventures together. Like that time at the Alumni conference when we drank too much wine and passed out on the balcony of our suites and nearly got pneumonia. Then we convinced Jack to call HR and cite workmens comp and we got two weeks of paid sick leave.”

Cassian raised his eyebrows at her.

“Or the time we flirted with the boys from catering to swap Mon Mothma’s Dom Perignon with the cheap bottles of prosecco at our table.”

 _“_ I’m sensing a theme here,” Cassian hissed at her, pinching her waist.

“Or what about our first gala event and we forgot to get student performers so we hired a church choir and passed them off as college students.”

Cassian tried to not laugh. Jack was glaring at both of them.

“Or when you first started working for us and you thought the panic button was someone’s garage door opener and you used it as a stress button and kept hitting it until campus police showed up in full SWAT gear.”

Then Leia grew serious. “But what I remember the most, Jyn, was when _I_ was sad and _I_ needed a friend and even though you were going through your own shit, you were there for me. That’s what I’ll remember the most about you, Jyn Erso. Being a great friend.”

Marisol went up next.

“So the office had a few bets, Jyn..”

Jyn glared at her. _I knew she was lying._

 _“_ I think Ethan won the bet on when you would get married.”

“Han, of course, won the bet about Hawaii.”

Cassian blushed. Han smirked at him.

“The bet that none of us wanted to win was when you would leave. Which I won - by the way.” Marisol said, eyes twinkling. “But we all knew, Jyn, that you are so much more than this place. That we were only a stepping stone to the rest of your life. Thank you for making us a part of it.”

Other people went up that Jyn had worked with over the years, thanking her, congratulating her. Cassian had a feeling Jyn didn't realize the impact she had on people. How her strength and endurance to _just survive_ inspired others. He could tell by the trembling of her lips that she was getting emotional. _Am I taking her away from all this? A life that she's known? Will she be happy?_ It had been awhile since he had these doubts but seeing all these people who came to see her off, who loved her, made him wonder if he should've protested more, told her to wait.

Jyn squeezed his hand. She was trying hard not to tear up.

Then Jack went up - the last speaker.

Cassian pulled Jyn tighter to him. She looked up and noticed his smile. His lips were smiling but his eyes definitely weren't.

Jack cleared his throat, his voice a bit shaky. “Jyn. I . . . don’t even know where to start. We’ve been working side by side for so long - I can't even remember what this place was like before you came barging into it.” He paused, collecting his thoughts.

“All these years . . . . I wouldn’t have been able to come into work every day if you weren’t here. You've been my work wife, my colleague, my confidant but most of all, you've been my friend.”

“I know I don't say this enough but thank you Jyn, for everything you've done. This place won't be the same without you.”

Jack finished, looking at her, his eyes clear. Jyn smiled at him mouthing a silent thank you. _The look in his eyes, his speech, it was as if he was . . ._

“Jyn,” Cassian said, interrupting her out of her thoughts. “You ready to go?” She looked at him, then looked at everyone slowly gathering their jackets, keys. This had been her work, her life for the past fifteen years. _Was she ready?_ But then she looked at Cassian, handsome as ever, his eyes now smiling.

“Yeah Cass I'm ready to go.” She was staring at the view, the lights on the harbor, looking ahead, ready to start the next chapter of her life . . . with him.


	37. Chapter 37

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kate's graduation and another celebration.

It was Kate's graduation day. They were sitting down waiting to see if they could spot her in the sea of graduates that were lined up, waiting to march in. Callen and her dad were there, Callen sitting next to her. It was such an emotional day for both of them. When the Pomp and Circumstance started playing, and they spotted Kate, ecstatic, walking in, they both got teary eyed. She patted Callen’s hand, trying to show comfort.

“I wish they were here too,” she whispered to him. Callen had been just as close to her sisters as she was. Maybe even closer. They had grown up together, played and laughed together. Seeing his baby sister’s daughter graduate and not have _them_ there just brought back how much he missed his family.

He looked at Jyn, his eyes sad, but trying to smile. “They would be so proud of her. So proud of you, Jyn, for raising her to be such a responsible, smart woman.”

Jyn wrapped her arm around his waist. “I've missed you, brother.” Callen hugged her back. “Me too, Jyn, me too.”

Galen looked at his only children, his future son in law, his grandsons and at his granddaughter, about to graduate from college. He never thought he could be this happy but having his family together again made him the happiest man alive.

* * *

 

“Auntie Jyn, have you bought a wedding dress yet?”

“Hmmm,” murmured Jyn, looking at the bathing suits. They were supposed to be out shopping for home supplies for Kate. Jyn wanted her to feel like the house was hers so they went out shopping for linens, wall art, some kitchen supplies. Of course they got distracted by the sales for summer clothes and had diverted their attention elsewhere.

“Aunt Jyn! Focus. A wedding dress. Have you bought one yet?”

Jyn paled. She had been so focused on wrapping up work, moving and Kate's graduation that wedding plans had taken a back seat. Thankfully Sepi and Cassian’s niece Carenna, had found a place and taken care of the logistics but Jyn just figured she would wear a sundress or something like that. They were getting married at a resort in a small beach town in Mexico. Jyn didn't want it to be super fancy, just a small ceremony and dinner, maybe dancing. From the looks of the pictures Sepi sent, the hotel would host small parties near the fire pits (and the bar thankfully) with a DJ.

“Aunt Jyn!” Kate was getting impatient.

“Uh no. . . I thought I would just wear a sundress or something,” Jyn said, a bit lamely.

Kate looked at her like she had grown horns. “You can't wear a recycled dress! You have to buy something new. Something white. With lace and satin and bows,” Kate said, dreamily.

“I am not wearing white!”

Kate pouted.

“No. No way.”

She relented. “Well c’mon then, let's find you a dress.”

After trying on several dresses and Kate sneaking a few white ones in every now and then, Jyn finally found a smoke grey dress that fell to her feet but had slits on the front of the dress. The front dipped in a V and had thin spaghetti straps with off-the-shoulder flutter sleeves. The back dipped low to right above Jyn's waist. It was simple but pretty. Kate nodded her head in approval when she saw it on Jyn, tearing up.

She winked at her aunt mischievously, “Cass is going to love it.” Jyn agreed, looking over her shoulder at the back of her dress in the mirror, remembering how he loved her dress in Hawaii and the one she wore at the gala. She couldn’t believe it had been two years since they first met. If she thought back to that first day when she met him at the pool, she never would have thought it would have led to this. To her being happy.

* * *

 

Everything was a blur as they prepared to leave for Mexico. They would be staying for nearly three months, until September. Kate would be there until after the wedding then she was going to go home and get ready to start school so she agreed to keep an eye on their house.

Cassian was sitting at the table, reading scripts, when Jyn came up to him, papers in hand.

“Here,” she said, “I need you to sign these before we get married.”

He looked at them. They looked like legal documents. _What the fuck? Is this a prenup?_ Then he read through them.

Jyn stood by him, watching over his shoulder, nervous.

His heart stopped.

They were adoption papers.

Listing him as the legal guardian for Jacob Erso Andor and Theodore Erso Andor.

He looked up at Jyn - his eyes glistening.

“Are you serious?” he asled, excited. It was official. He’d be a dad.

Jyn ducked her head, smiling at him. “Of course I’m serious. Cass - you’re everything to them. They love you.”

He grabbed her suddenly and brought her into his lap, scattering kisses all over her face. “Thank you, querida. You’ve just made me the happiest man on the planet.”

* * *

 

 

Today was her wedding day. She woke up and walked out to the balcony, staring at the ocean, the beach. She was alone. While she had tried her best to convince Cassian to stay the night with her, he insisted that he shouldn’t see her until the wedding.

_“Are you sure,” she said, outside her room, wrapping her arms around his neck, pressing her body against him. She could feel him - he certainly didn’t feel sure about separating for the night._

_“Jyn,” he groaned. “I . . . want to do this right. The next time I see you . . . you’ll be walking down the aisle to be my wife.”_

_She nibbled at his ear, her hand at his hip, slowly moving towards the front of his body. She could feel him relaxing, about to give in . . ._

_“Okay, c’mon you two, break it up. You have the rest of your lives for that.” It was Gael. Interrupting them._

_Jyn glared at Gael while Cassian had the decency to blush. “Fine,” she huffed. “But Cass . . .  believe me, I would have been very willing to do about anything tonight,” she said, teasing him, shutting the door to her room._

_Cassian turned about fifty shades of pink. Gael raised his eyebrows. “Little vixen you got there, brother.”_

_He sighed, turning towards the elevator that led to his room.  “Yeah, she’s not as sweet and innocent as she looks.”_

She heard a knock at her door. It was Kate, with Sepi and Cassian’s niece in tow, Carenna. She frowned at all the stuff they had in their hands - a blow dryer, curling irons, flowers, a cosmetic case, hair brushes, makeup brushes, clips, bobby pins, nail polish, sprays, etc. It was like they were going to war.

Jyn was a bit offended. “You guys, I’m not that bad looking. I don’t need all that.”

Sepi brushed a lock of hair out of Jyn’s face. “Mija  . . .  you’re beautiful. But it’s your wedding day. Let’s doll you up.”

 

Cassian was about to kill his brothers. They were driving him crazy. Teasing him. Gael recounting his story to Lucas of how poor Cass had to be saved from his overly aggressive fiancee. “You guys,” he snapped. “Leave me alone.” They both stared at him. Usually he wasn’t so damn sensitive.

“Are you nervous?” Lucas asked, concern in his eyes.

Cassian stubbornly stayed quiet.

“What do you have to be nervous about?” Gael asked. “She is crazy about you. She freaking had you adopt her kids. Those terrors, I would have ran screaming.”

Cassian rolled his eyes. The boys had stayed with Galen and Callen the night before and were going to come over to his suite to get ready.

He didn’t know why he was so nervous. He just . . . he wanted it to be perfect for her, wanted to see her walk down that aisle to be his wife. He felt like he had been waiting forever for her and couldn’t wait any longer.

 

Two hours later she was looking in the mirror. She didn’t recognize the woman in front of her. Carenna had done her hair, pinning it up in a loose bun with tendrils slowly falling out, framing her face. They had tucked a blue and green wildflower in her bun. Kate had done her makeup, making sure - to Jyn’s insistence - that it wasn’t overly done.

“You look beautiful,” Sepi said, admiring her in the mirror.

Jyn smiled faintly at her. “Thanks.” It was nice having Sepi there, having a _mom._ Her eyes started to water a bit.  
“Oh, honey. What’s wrong?” Sepi said, alarmed.

Jyn shook her head, trying to clear the tears, the emotions out. “I was just thinking . . . I get your son - this wonderful man, but I get you too. This chance to have another mom.”

Now Sepi’s eyes were watering. She hugged Jyn tightly, being careful not to wrinkle her dress. She loved this slip of a woman that stole her son’s heart. She couldn’t be any more blessed.

Kate walked in to see her aunt and future grandma-in-law (?) nearly crying. “You guys are going to ruin your makeup,” she scolded. “C’mon, this is supposed to be a happy day. Knock it off.”  They laughed, sniffing, gently trying to rub their damp eyes. Jyn heard a soft knock at the door. Kate went to open it while Jyn busied herself with putting her small purse together. She noticed it had gotten quiet. She looked up to see her dad standing in the doorway of her bedroom.

“Jyn.” He whispered.

She looked up. “Papa!” She said, giving him a hug.

“You look amazing, sweetheart. Beautiful.”

Jyn smiled shyly. He dad looked so happy, so proud. He was ready to walk her down the aisle, to give her away.

_When she had married Alec, it was done quickly, at the courthouse, when her parents were out of town. While it didn’t dawn on her immature self at the time, but she realized when planning for this wedding, that she had cheated her dad out of walking her down the aisle. She promised herself that she wouldn’t make the same mistake._

“I have a present for you,” he said, holding out a small wooden box.

“Dad . . . you didn’t have to. What is it?”

“Open it,” he encouraged.

She opened the box. It was a bracelet, made up of white crystals. They were different shades of white, some transparent, others translucent, some sparkled, while others were dull but beautiful in their simplicity.

She loved it.

He coughed slightly. “It . . . was your mother’s, Jyn. I  . . .we got married so young and I was just starting out. We didn’t have much but I wanted to buy her something, to show how much I loved her. I’ve been hanging on to her jewelry, not too sure what to do with it, but thought you would like this.”

“Oh . . .Papa. I love it. Thank you.” He took her wrist and put it on for her, bending down to give her a kiss on the cheek.

“You ready?” He asked.

She nodded her head. “I am now.”

 

The ceremony was going to be on the beach in front of the resort. Cassian had walked down with Jake and Teddy to make sure everything was set up. They looked so handsome in their black slacks and gray button down shirts, matching Cassian’s outfit. His brothers and dad were already down there making sure to put guests on both the right and left side of the aisle. It was a small gathering, just immediate family and a few aunts and uncles that lived nearby however with Jyn not having much family, he didn’t want to just stick the bride’s family on the left and the groom’s guests on the right. His family was just as much her family now.

He went to the front of the aisle, greeting the priest. He saw Kate, Sepi and Carenna come down the stairs that led to the beach which meant Jyn wouldn’t be far behind. The music started up.

And then he saw her.

His girl. Jyn.

_He remembered her swimming around the pool, checking her out. “Hi, I’m Jyn.” She had introduced herself, sticking out her small hand for him to shake. Never did he imagine that one moment would lead to this day where he would get to wake up to her for the rest of his life._

_“Mind if I join you?” He had asked. He had gone down to the beach for some quiet time, but when he saw her, laying down on the lounge chair, gazing at the ocean, a melancholy look on her face, something drew him to her. He wanted to know her, talk to her._

She looked radiant. Grinning mischievously at him, her eyes sparkling. Her dress, with the slits revealing her toned legs, looked amazing on her. The light gray, while a non-traditional choice, looked perfect on her, coloring her eyes a shade of blue he had never seen on her, light, silvery. Her dad was standing tall next to her, a proud look on his face.

_The first time he saw her eyes, he was mesmerized. He had asked her if they were blue. He remembered stumbling over the color. She had teased him, telling him it depended on what she was wearing . . . or not wearing. He should’ve known then she would be a handful._

_(He now knew what her eyes looked like when she wasn’t wearing anything. If there was a color called desire, it would be that.)_

“Cass,” his brother interrupted his thoughts, nudging him. “Stop daydreaming and pay attention.”

Jyn’s dad was walking her down the aisle. To him.

  
He reached Cassian, shaking his hand and then taking him in, to give him a hug. He whispered, his lips trembling. “Take care of my baby girl. She’s all I have.” Cassian nodded solemnly. “I will.”

Jyn turned to her dad, giving him a kiss. “I love you, Papa.”

When she turned to kiss her dad, Cassian saw the back of her dress. _Or lack thereof. Mierda. This woman was going to be the death of him._ He looked guiltily at the priest who raised his eyebrows when he noticed Cassian checking out the back of her dress. He shrugged his shoulders.

The priest started the ceremony quickly, probably trying to get Cassian’s thoughts out of the gutter. Since the wedding wasn’t in a church, it took relatively little time to get to the exchanging of the vows. Jyn started with hers first.

“Cass. I never thought when we met that we would end up here - in this place, in this time. I never knew what I wanted until I met you. You gave me life, you made me become a better version of myself, _you saved me_. You’re . . .going to be a great dad for our children. Forever with you can never be long enough for me. I love you.”

Her eyes were shining when they met his.

His voice trembled when he started speaking. He had to clear his throat. He could hear his stupid brothers snickering.

“Jyn. My life . . . before I met you was . . . I was lonely. I had always wanted a family, a wife, kids. But I never found it. Not until I met you. I promise to love you forever. I promise to be the best father possible for our kids. I will always be here for you. I will never leave you. I feel like I’ve died everyday waiting for you to be in my life. I love you.”

The priest pronounced them husband and wife. Cassian grabbed her, splayed his hands over her bare back, lighting her skin on fire and kissed her, not having a care in the world.

 

Jyn was looking at everyone dancing, having a great time. One of Cassian’s aunts had forced Galen out on the dance floor. The boys were slyly trying to sidle up next to Carenna. Even Callen was dancing, twirling Kate on the makeshift dance floor. Although it wasn't cold, the fire pit was on, the light of the fire illuminating everyone's faces, filled with joy and fun.

“The bride should never be alone on her wedding day. Let’s dance.” Cassian came up to her from behind, looping his arms around her waist.

“Oh . . . so now you want to dance with me?” Jyn teased, reminding him of his reluctance in Hawaii.

_He hated the music that was playing. But after seeing Jyn dance with numerous guys, he had had enough. “Now this is my music,” he had told her as a salsa number came on. She had gone into his arms so willingly, so trustingly. “I’m sorry I danced without you,” she had told him, on the beach with the waves crashing. Then he had pulled her to him, kissing her, their first kiss that felt like it would be forever._

He grabbed her hand and led her out onto the dance floor to join their new family.

 

The reception was over and the guests had retired to their rooms when Cassian found Jyn on a lounge chair staring at the ocean.

“You're so beautiful,” he said, staring down at her. “That first night I saw you, staring at the sea and I wanted to know you, what you were thinking. What put the sadness in your eyes.”

She stared at the beach, at the waves crashing.

“I was thinking of work, the boys, my sisters, trying to breathe, to just _be,_ but I felt like I never could.”

She turned to him.

“Then I met you. And my whole world shifted. Before I was far behind, left by people I loved. But you, Cass, you make me feel here, in the present. Looking forward.”

He laid down next to her, putting her hands in his lap, holding her. “I love you,” he murmured into her ear.

She clutched his hand, bringing it to her heart. “I love you so much, Cass. I’ll love you forever.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief use of some song quotes in the vows. “Marry me” by Train and “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri. Literally had to go to three weddings in the past two weekends to get inspiration for this chapter.


	38. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One last surprise.

_The day after Thanksgiving_

They were decorating the house for the holidays when Jyn handed a box to Cassian wrapped in shiny red paper with a green bow.

“What is this?” he asked, curiously.

“It’s an early Christmas present. Open it,” she said.

He slowly unwrapped the box and opened it. It was an ornament, a Christmas tree that said _Our Family,_ and it had his and Jyn’s name at the top on a branch, then Kate’s name in the middle, and the boys names on another branch. He smiled looking at the ornament. It was official, he was a part of this family.

Then his heart stopped.

There was another name towards the bottom of the branch.

_Baby Erso-Andor._

“Jyn,” he whispered. “Are you . . .-?”

She nodded her head, smiling.

“We’re going to have a baby?” He asked, barely able to contain his excitement.

“I’m about six weeks,” she said, her hand unconsciously going to her stomach.  

He grabbed her to him, picking her up and kissing her face. “Querida. I . . . didn’t think you wanted any more kids. I thought with the boys . . . I was fine with that. I was happy with them and Kate. But this . . . I’m . . . ” He couldn’t find the words. He was speechless.

Jyn shrugged her shoulders. “I thought I was done but apparently not. I was just as surprised as you when I found out.”

He was still holding her. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you but you, Jyn, you make me so happy. I never thought I could be this happy. This gift - it’s the best one ever.”

 

Matthew Erso-Andor was born seven months later. He was the spitting image of Cassian except for the eyes. He had the same eyes as his older brothers. Jake and Teddy were so excited to have a baby brother. When she brought him home from the hospital, they both fought over who would hold him first. Of course, Jake won out being the oldest brother.

He was carrying Matthew, cuddling him, when he said, “I’m going to take care of you forever.”

Jyn’s heart melted.

_Her sisters had said the same thing when her parents brought her home from the hospital._

 

She had realized when she was pregnant that she was the same age her mother was when she had her. The boys would have been about her sister’s ages when Jyn came along. The irony wasn’t lost on her. But Jyn made a promise. This baby would never feel left behind. This baby would be surrounded by a loving mother and father, and grandparents and siblings that would stay. Now and forever.

 

_Finis._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Authors Note:
> 
> So the name Matthew means “Gift from God” which is essentially what this third baby was. A gift. I hadn’t planned on introducing a baby into the mix (by the way thanks Raptyde for encouraging it), but I thought a baby would wrap up the story nicely. A chance for everyone to do right. For the baby to grow up with family. All along this story was about Jyn being able to love again, to not feel far behind and Cassian helped her through that. To love and to open up and to make amends with her family.
> 
> Thank you again for all the kind reviews. Never in a million years did I think I would get so many comments and kudos liking this story. I’m definitely not a writer (obviously), never majored in English but being able to put my thoughts into this forum, for everyone to read and enjoy has been exhilarating and fun. There’s just something about Rogue One that has brought out the writer in all of us.
> 
> Until next time . . .
> 
> Oh . . . and I have another work in the mix. Definitely more along the lines of the Rogue One plot but modern day. And definitely angsty and sad but with a happy ending. Trying to figure out the plot and end game and that everything ties together nicely so you might see it in a couple of months.
> 
> Yikes . . . one last comment. If anyone is looking for the sweetest Jyn/Cassian fic ever, click over to fanfiction.net and search for “Number the Stars” by Pisaster. It’s amazing and it’s a finished work! I’ve been trying to encourage the author to post on AO3 but they haven’t done it yet. It’s so good that I think all Jyn/Cass fans should read it. You’re missing out if you don’t.


End file.
